Page 33 of Losing Control
“Okay, but I will be keeping an eye on you,” she says as she points to me. I smile at her and watch as she sashays her way onto the dance floor.
I try to switch my mind off but it’s no good, everything is still so raw. I place my hand on my cheek and wince as it still hurts to touch. I managed to cover up the faint bruise with make-up, so that no one would notice it whilst I was out.
I want to cry.
I want to hide.
I want to rewind and go back forty-eight hours.
I don’t want to be a woman in this kind of predicament.
“Well, well if it isn’t Lucy Fields,” I hear a voice say from behind me. I whirl around on my seat and am stunned by the person that is stood there.
“Oh my God… Cal?” I say, the sight of him momentarily taking my breath away. He nods at me and I find myself standing off of my seat and throwing my arms around him.
“Hey,” he says softly as he wraps his arms around my waist and hugs me back. His familiarity is my undoing. I haven’t seen him in so long and it has shattered the last of my resolve. I let a few tears leak from my eyes as I tighten my hold on him.
Before Michael, the last place that I truly felt whole was with Cal. He was my first love, my first everything in an emotional sense. We always had a strong bond, and although I pushed aside any romantic feelings that I used to hold for him, our bond will always be special.
“What’s going on, Luce?” he asks me, and I loosen my hold on him, feeling incredibly stupid for letting my guard down. I step back and swipe underneath my eyes.
“Oh, nothing, it’s just a nice surprise seeing you is all.” I smile but Cal doesn’t buy it.
“Lucy, I have known you for a long time, and I know when you’re lying to me.”
“I’m not lying,” I try to insist, but he’s always been the one person that I can’t fool.
Cal stands there and assesses me for a few seconds. I can see that he doesn’t believe me, and I hate that I am having to lie, but I can’t tell him about Michael. I haven’t seen or spoken to Cal since he left to go travelling eighteen months ago. Sure, he sent me postcards intermittently to let me know that he was okay, but I haven’t received one since I left Tom. For all I know, he could still have been sending them, but Tom wouldn’t think to pass them on to me. He’s too selfish to think of anyone other than himself. In fact, Cal doesn’t even know that I have split up with Tom.
“Okay, seeing as I haven’t seen you for so long, I will let it slide, for now. How about I go and get us both a drink and then we can reacquaint ourselves?” he says, and I nod in response. He goes to walk away but turns back to ask me another question. “I’m guessing Kim is here somewhere and I’m guessing that she will want a drink too?”
“You guess right,” I reply, loving how easily we flow together. It’s always been the same.
“Be as quick as I can.” He walks over to the bar and I sit back down on the bar stool.
Well, I didn’t see that one coming.
I watch as Cal saunters to the bar, looking nothing less than perfection. He’s my best guy friend and seeing him again has reinforced how much I have missed him.
Cal and I go way back, as does Cal, Kim and Jeremy. Cal is another County Hill School survivor, and we were the foursome that never broke up. The awesome foursome as the kids nicknamed us.
From the moment that Cal and I became friends, I knew that he would always hold a special place in my heart. We’ve been through so much together, and I harboured strong feelings for him for a long time. I never acted on them because his friendship meant too much to me. I would rather be friends with him than be nothing at all.
So, I was the girl that was in love with a guy who didn’t have a fucking clue, and I was the girl that had to watch him go through girlfriends, his eyes always passing over me.
It took a long time for me to shove my love for Cal into a box and lock it away, a box never to be opened again. Sure, I allow myself to love him as a friend, and that will never change, but he will always be the one that got away.
It’s crazy to see him here now, looking so healthy and full of life, whilst I sit here feeling broken and lifeless on the inside. A feeling that I didn’t think I would associate with Michael, but here we are, at the shittiest point in our relationship.
I push thoughts of Michael away and focus solely on Cal, needing the distraction.
Cal Bailey, six-foot-three, arms so big that they are threatening to bust out of his T-shirt, thick thighs and buns of steel. His body is like a work of art. As he walks back towards me with the drinks, I rake my eyes over his face, and fuck if it doesn’t do a little something to me. You would have to be blind not to appreciate the beauty of Cal. Strong jawline, chiselled features, full lips, straight nose, brown hair that is long enough to run your fingers through and leave a little messy, and then he has the most gorgeous royal-blue eyes. Eyes that I haven’t seen in so long, eyes that I used to dream about and ones that have haunted me since I was twelve.
As Cal places the drinks on the table, I realise that I have never been so pleased to see him in my life. Kim may be my best friend, but Cal was always the one that I ran to for advice first. He’s always been a rock to me, and when he left to go travelling all those months ago, he took a little piece of me with him.
But now that he is here, I am going to have to put on one hell of an act to cover up my emotions. Cal is going to be harder to hide stuff from than Kim.
It seems that my life just got a little bit more complicated.
