Page 32 of Losing Control
“Please don’t say that. I love you.”
“So you said.”
“You don’t believe me?” He looks gobsmacked, but I don’t really know what else he was expecting from me.
“It’s pretty hard to when I have a pain in my cheek that reminds me otherwise.” I point to my face and turn my head so that he can see that my cheek is a light purple colour. His face pales at the sight and I can see that even he is shocked by how it looks.
“I honestly didn’t mean it. I just get scared about losing you. God dammit, Lucy, you make me crazy. Crazy about you, crazy for you, crazy about everything to do with you. I promise that I won’t ever do anything like this again.” I stay silent. I need time. I need to process all of this. I can’t decide what to do on a whim. “I feel lost without you with me.”
“That’s not my fault.”
“I know, it’s mine. I’m the one with the jealousy issue, but I swear, I will get help if you want me to. I will do anything, just so long as you come back to me.” His begging chips away at a little of the icy exterior that I have on display. My heart is screaming at me to go to him, forgive him, let him prove his love. Yet my head is telling me to remain cautious, to keep my guard up and protect myself.
“I just need to be away from you right now,” I say without looking at him. If I look at him then I will want to go back with him, and I can’t give in this easily. I need to show him that he can’t treat me this way.
“Okay,” he says quietly. “But, you’re coming back to me, right?”
The silence stretches between us for a few minutes.
Am I?
Can I?
Should I?
Would he hit me again?
Is he a monster underneath the caring man that I have grown to love?
I let my eyes meet his and give him the only answer that I can.
“I don’t know.”
Even as the words come out of my mouth, I know that I will return to him when I am ready.
I love him, and everyone deserves a second chance, right?
Chapter Twenty-Three
Familiar faces
“Don’t you wanna dance?” Kim asks me as she sways to the beat of the music.
“Not really,” I reply. I have no energy to dance, and I still feel conflicted over what happened with Michael last night.
“I hate seeing you like this.”
“Well, I did tell you that I would be no fun tonight.”
Kim persuaded me to come out with her tonight and forget about the disagreement that I have had with Michael.
Yeah, as if it is that easy.
Obviously, Kim still doesn’t know the whole truth, so I can’t really blame her for not realising what a shitty situation I am in. “If you want to go and dance then I will be fine here by myself,” I tell her.
“I’m not leaving you alone.”
“Kim, I will be fine,” I reassure her. “I’m not going to break.”
