Page 25 of Losing Control
“Do I mean that little to you that you would use me like this?”
I take a step back from him, and he steps forwards. “Michael, you’re scaring me,” I whisper.
“Oh, really?” He smirks. “And you don’t think that you scare me?” My head is spinning from all of the things that he is saying. None of it makes sense. “It scares me how much I feel for you, Lucy, do you ever think about that?”
I don’t answer as I am not sure what I am supposed to say, but that is a mistake. He grabs both of my arms and shakes me backwards and forwards. I start to cry, tears falling rapidly down my cheeks. I ask him to stop, but it just seems to make him angrier.
“I love you and all you seem to do is throw it back in my face.” He stops shaking me abruptly, and my legs give out. I drop to the floor, my back hitting the coffee table. I pull my legs up to me, wrapping my arms around them to bring me some comfort. My body is shaking uncontrollably, and I feel like my world has completely shifted.
The Michael that I love doesn’t appear to be inside the man stood in front of me. The man in front of me is like a stranger.
Michael leans down until he is level with my face. I shy away from him, but he grips my chin with his thumb and forefinger and moves my head so that I am looking straight at him.
“I will not be taken for a fool, Lucy.” He lets go of me and stands back up, walking away from me.
A few seconds later, I hear the flat door open and then slam shut again. I let out a loud cry of relief at his swift exit. I sit on the floor for an age, unable to comprehend everything that just happened.
I have no words.
I didn’t know that Michael, and I don’t wish to ever meet him again.
Chapter Eighteen
Sorry
I am still sat on the floor of the lounge when I hear the front door open and close. I’m cold and I feel numb, confused and scared. I don’t move as I hear footsteps make their way into the kitchen. I keep my head down, my arms still wrapped around my legs. The footsteps continue until they are stood next to me and I close my eyes, waiting to see what is going to happen. I don’t want to say or do anything to make this situation worse. I feel Michael kneel down beside me, the smell of alcohol wafting towards me. My body starts to shake again, and the air becomes tense.
“Baby,” he says, soft and more like the Michael that I love. I still don’t turn to him though. I can’t bring myself to look at him right now.
“Lucy, I’m so sorry.” Those words bring a fresh wave of tears. I let them fall silently as I hold my breath.
“Please will you look at me.” I shake my head from side to side. I can’t. I hear him take in a deep breath and blow it back out.
“I didn’t mean any of it, I was being an idiot and I let myself get carried away. I would never intentionally hurt you; I love you, you are my life. I just get so scared that you’re going to leave me, and I hate the thought of it.”
At this point I hear him sniff and it makes me look at him. I watch as tears fall down his cheeks. I can see the remorse on his face. He’s embarrassed by his actions.
“Please don’t hate me.” His control goes, leaving in its place a man that sobs, a man that needs a little reassurance and help to regain his composure. As much as it shouldn’t, my heart goes out to him.
I move for the first time in hours and turn to him, placing my arms around him as we both let out the grief that we are feeling. His arms lock around my waist, mine lock around his shoulders.
“I’m so fucking sorry,” he says between sobs. I let my fingers run through his hair as I pull my face back and place a kiss on his lips.
“It’s only you that I want,” I whisper.
Michael nuzzles his head in the crook of my neck and I feel his tears on my skin. “I didn’t mean to frighten you.”
“I know.”
“I love you.”
“I know.”
“I’m sorry.”
Chapter Nineteen
Forgiveness
