Page 24 of Losing Control
Maybe he hasn’t come home yet? Maybe he has gone for a drink to clear his head?
I walk in, shutting the door behind me. I plod along the hallway and into the open-plan kitchen and lounge area, and I jump a mile when I notice Michael sat on the sofa, staring at a blank television screen.
“Shit, you made me jump,” I say, following it with a nervous laugh.
He doesn’t turn to look at me, doesn’t even acknowledge me walking into the room.
I place my bag on the kitchen table and take off my jacket, hooking it over one of the chairs. I slip my shoes off and softly pad my way across to him.
Stopping in front of him, I lower myself down until I am kneeling before him. Placing my hands on his knees, I know that I need to put his fears to rest.
Michael doesn’t believe that he deserves me, but he couldn’t be farther from the truth.
He still stares ahead, almost as if he is looking through me. It hurts, but I know that inside he is hurting more than me. It might seem a little dramatic to some, but Michael loves hard, and I suppose I understand his fear of me leaving. Hell, I’ve lived through a break-up that almost destroyed me, so I have every sympathy for Michael.
“Michael, I know that today hasn’t been great, but I tried everything that I could to get out of working on this project. Mr Collinson wouldn’t let me give it to someone else. At this point, I can’t see that there is any more that I can do to change his mind.” I speak softly, needing him to understand how much I tried. I notice his jaw ticking in response and I carry on speaking. “I don’t want this to cause problems between us. Tyler is just a work colleague, he means nothing to me. I would never do anything to jeopardise what we have together.” I sound like I am pleading, but it’s actually just reassurance for Michael.
“Anything?” he says, his eyes finally focussing on me.
“Yes.”
“Quit.”
“Pardon?” I don’t think that I heard him correctly.
“I said, quit. Quit your job.”
I kneel there for a few moments, my mouth opening and closing like a fish.
Quit my job?
Give up on something that I am genuinely starting to enjoy?
“I can’t do that, Michael.”
“Why not? You said that you would do anything.”
“Yes, I know, but I’m not giving up on my career. I enjoy my job.” His eyes narrow on me, and I feel a coldness sweep through my body.
“And do you enjoy it because you get to be the big boss lady? Or do you enjoy it because you secretly love the attention that Tyler gives you?” His voice is low and dark.
“Michael, what are you talking about?” I am so confused right now. This is going in a direction that I never saw coming.
“Don’t tell me that you don’t enjoy a young guy giving you puppy-dog-eyes all day long, I see the way he looks at you, and the way you look at him. Your eyes sparkle, and they don’t do that with me anymore.”
“What? This is crazy, of course I don’t look at him in any specific way. What the hell is the matter with you, Michael?” My patience is wearing thin.
There are only so many times that I can tell him that I only want him. There are only so many ways in which I can word it so that maybe, just maybe, one of those words gets through to him.
I stand up, folding my arms across my chest. Michael looks up at me, unrelenting with his hard stare.
“What’s the matter with me?” He rises to his feet until he is looking down at me instead of up. “What’s the matter with me?” he repeats. “You really want to fucking know?” His voice gets louder and louder with each word until he is shouting in my face.
“Michael, please, calm down,” I say as I place my hands on his chest. He looks at my hands and then, without warning, he smacks them away. I start to tremble, panic rising as I enter an unknown element to our relationship.
“I will not fucking calm down, and you will tell me why the hell you are fucking with me,” he shouts, rage evident in his whole demeanour. “Am I just some kind of plaything for you to keep on a string? Am I just here until the next best thing comes along? AM I JUST SOME STAND-IN UNTIL YOU FIND SOMEONE ELSE?”
“No!” I shout back at him, terrified by his reaction.
