Page 18 of These Wicked Desires

I sigh. “It wasn’t exactly luxury. I fell in with Kai. His dad hired me to do his dirty work with Kai and Cade. I went from doing Noah’s bidding, to Kai’s dad’s. Yeah, I had money. Yeah, I had all the perks that came with being friends with the vampire prince. But I was living without my family. Without my mate. I wasn’t so much living as surviving. Not too differently from you, I would guess.”

“Why wait?” he asks, looking at me again. “You knew your mate was out there. I get you didn’t want to risk her at first. But why now? What took you so long to decide to claim her and take back the pack?”

“That’s another long, complicated story.” I rub a hand down my face and sigh heavily. “It turns out Ellis is a harpy.” I hear Cole suck in a sharp breath and shift on his feet, but I don’t look at him. “Kai, Cade, and I are her Shields. We’re bound to her, to protect her and help her achieve her goal of bringing balance back to the world.”

“A harpy?” he breathes shakily.

“She feels that one of her jobs is to restore balance to the wolves by making sure I become alpha.” Now I glance at him, to gauge his reaction to that statement.

He studies me for a moment, chewing on his bottom lip. “So, if it weren’t for Ellis deciding this, you wouldn’t have ever come back? You would have let the pack, and your family, rot under Noah’s rule?”

I shake my head. “No. I never would have left you to that fate. I always planned on coming back. With Ellis as my mate I always intended to have a discussion with everyone about taking control of the pack. It would have had to be a team decision, because we’re all tied together now.” I shrug and look down at the forest floor. “But, Ellis took things into her own hands. And honestly? I’m glad she did.” I can’t look at him as I continue. If he refuses, I’ll never recover from the hurt. “The second you were born, Cole, my wolf knew. He knew you were supposed to be my beta. And without you by my side, I don’t want to do this. I don’t think I can do it.”

“Fuck,” he mumbles. I risk a glance at him, and find him rubbing his eyes hard enough he’s probably seeing stars. “If I’m being honest, I want to say no. I want to hurt you as much as you hurt me.”

I recoil like his words are a physical slap across my face. My heart splits into thousands of pieces and crumbles to the forest floor.

“I was only five years old when you left, Sterling. I didn’t understand it. You were the person I looked up to the most, and I felt like you abandoned me. Like you didn’t care about me as much as I cared about you.” Cole’s voice cracks and he clears his throat, rubbing the back of his neck.

I shake my head, wanting him to know that is not true. I never stopped loving him. Not a day went by that I didn’t think of him and my mom. But he doesn’t give me a chance.

“I know now that isn’t true, but it doesn’t erase the years of hurt I felt.” He pushes off the tree and paces the same path I just did moments before.

“I know I’ll never be able to make it up to you. I know saying sorry fixes nothing. But I’m truly sorry, Cole. You have no idea how much. I did the only thing I could think of. I don’t know if it was the right thing, but in the moment, it was all I had.”

He purses his lips, but nods his head. “I’ll be your beta.”

My head snaps up, breath catching my throat. “Seriously?”

“It needs to be done.” He shrugs. “I’d like to help bring the pack back to what it used to be. I can’t guarantee … I don’t know if …” He sighs and rubs the bridge of his nose. “It’s going to take me time to open up and let you in.”

I nod. “I get that. Take all the time you need.” Because even just the hope that I may get my brother back is enough to keep me going.

Ellis

“What does this mean?” I ask after Sterling fills us in on what he and his brother talked about.

“Well, not a whole lot right now.” He sits in the grass next to me as I take a break from the grueling training Cade and Kai have been putting me through. “We are going to meet up tomorrow evening to talk about plans and who we can trust to join us. I won’t be able to challenge Noah until we have a solid plan in place to make sure the transition goes smoothly for the pack.”

“What will happen when you challenge him?” Just the thought is enough to send butterflies tumbling in my belly.

“We’ll set a date and time to battle. Our wolves will fight until one of us comes out on top.”

I swallow down the lump in my throat. “What does that mean exactly?”

His eyes scan my face and he shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it right now, Ellis. There are other things you need to focus on.”

I don’t particularly like that he won’t tell me what’s going to happen, because I can imagine it, and it isn’t pretty. But I let it go for now. I’ll force the conversation later when I have more mental bandwidth to deal with it. If I ever have the mental bandwidth to deal with it. At the rate things are going, I’m just going to turn into a zombie. A walking meatsuit with nothing left to give.

“Hey! Stop that.” Kai crouches in front of me, his brow furrowed. “I don’t like that emotion.” He points his finger in my face and waves it in a circle.

“Sorry,” I mumble. “It’s just … hard.”

He grabs my chin in his fingers and squeezes gently. “We’re going to take things one step at a time. Sterling will challenge Noah and win. With him as alpha and Noah out of the picture, we’ll move on to rescuing Grace and removing Sam from the picture. Just focus on one thing at a time. While Sterling prepares, we’ll keep training. When it’s time to save your sister, you’re going to be such a badass.” He grins at me, fangs glinting in the moonlight.

He makes it sound easy. And it does ease some of my anxiety. I’m not alone and I need to remember that. But it’s still incredibly overwhelming. Kai leans forward and kisses my forehead.

“Now, get up. Break’s over. And get those wings back out.” He stands and claps his hands twice. The love and gratefulness I just felt toward him melt away in a heartbeat.

---