Page 34 of These Deadly Dreams

The front door opens, and I know it’s Ellis from the lavender and vanilla that surrounds me, and the way my wolf perks up. She hesitates before sitting next to me, leaving space between us that I absolutely loathe. But it’s my fault that distance is there.

“You okay?” she asks.

My wolf practically melts at her concern. “Not really,” I answer honestly.

“How long has it been since you’ve seen them?”

“150 years.”

She exhales heavily. “Wow. I can’t even comprehend that amount of time. I’m sorry. That has to be really hard.” When I don’t answer she scoots a tiny bit closer to me. “Tell me about them.”

I turn to her, surprised she wants to know anything about me and my family.

She gives me a sad smile. “We are mates, Sterling. We have a lot we need to work through, and getting to know you is a step in the right direction.”

She’s right, so I sigh and nod my head. “Cole was young when I left. Barely five-years-old. He’ll be grown now. He probably doesn’t even remember me.” I swallow back the emotion that threatens to pull me under. “Drew has helped me and mom pass letters back and forth, and the occasional phone call, but we always kept Cole out of it because he was so young. We didn’t want to risk him telling someone and Noah finding out. I’m not sure if my mom ever talked to him about me or what he remembers, if anything.

“My mom, gods she has been through so much. But she never let anything get her down. When my dad was sick, and after he died, she remained so strong.” I turn to Ellis again and smile. “You remind me of her. Despite everything you’ve been through, you’ve come out stronger for it. But my mom, her last few letters have seemed more … depressing. It’s a long time to live under someone’s thumb, with the constant threat to your life and your children’s lives. I think she’s finally starting to break.”

Ellis scoots closer again. There is only an inch between us and I desperately want to close that distance, but then she rests her head on my shoulder. I know it’s supposed to be a comforting gesture, but all I can think of is how my mate is willingly touching me. It’s not much, but at the same time, it's tremendous. I thought she’d never want anything to do with me after I fucked up so badly. But here she is, my mate, this amazing woman, comforting me when she could have just ignored the entire thing.

I close my eyes and soak in the feel of her. It’s not the same as the one time I got to hold her in my arms, skin to skin. But it’s almost more powerful because of the bad history between us.

“Why does he keep them captive like that?” she asks, bringing me back to the present.

“Initially it was to keep me in line. To make sure I did his dirty work. But when he eventually kicked me out of the pack, it became a way to make sure I never came back to try and take my place as alpha. If I tried, he’d kill them.”

“Why did he kick you out of the pack? It seems like he had the perfect weapon. Someone who would do whatever he asked as long as he had something to hang over your head.”

“As I got older, it became more apparent my role was to be alpha. My wolf was not easy to control back then, and Noah started to feel threatened. At some point my wolf would have challenged his, despite the threat to my family, and I would have won. In a way, I’m grateful he kicked me out. I would have beaten him and become alpha, but I would have lost my family in the process.”

“I’m so sorry, Sterling,” she whispers.

“Would you …” I shake my head. I’m not going to ask her that. I can’t do that to her.

She lifts her head from my shoulder and looks at me. “Would I what?”

I sigh and rub my hand down my face. “Drew told my mom I found my mate. Would you come with me to see her? It would give her so much joy to meet you.” And I could really use the support of my mate, even if we don’t have the best of relationships.

She studies me. Her amber eyes drill into mine and I hold my breath. If she says no, I don’t think I could walk away from that. It would shred me to pieces. In a way, it would be like her rejecting me and the bond. The final nail in the coffin. I’m not prepared to walk away from her, but if that’s what she wants, I’ll do it. Even if it destroys me in the process.

She nods. “Yeah. I’ll come with you.”

I exhale, relief rushes through me so powerful it could knock me over.

“When do we leave?” she asks.

“Tonight. You should get some rest before we go. It’s been an eventful couple of days.”

She stands and turns to go back into the cabin, but I grab her hand and stop her.

“Thank you, Ellis.”

She gives me a small smile and runs her fingers through my hair blowing in the summer wind. I lean into her touch and close my eyes, desperate for more. But it only lasts a second, and then she’s gone.

I push my wolf back and shift into my human form. After Ellis went inside, I couldn’t keep my wolf contained. We shifted and spent the rest of the evening running laps around the mountain, trying to clear our head and mentally prepare for tonight. I snag my sweats from the porch and quickly pull them on, followed by my shoes before entering the cabin.

I pause at the threshold. Ellis is sleeping on the couch, her head in Kai’s lap. Cade is sitting on the floor in front of them and Ellis’s arm is draped over his shoulder. Cade and Kai are talking quietly, exchanging smiles and soft laughter. Fuck. I’m not expecting the jealousy that burns through me. What I wouldn’t do to be part of that. To be in that pile of tangled limbs with my mate, satisfied in every way, looking at me the way she looks at them. I’m happy for her—for all of them—but gods damn, it hurts.

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