Page 49 of Shattered Dreams

“I’m not being anything, Jo.”

“Richie.”

“This is who I am. You know me.”

“I do know you.” She sniffled. “Anyway, he called me about a half hour ago. He got pulled over and now he’s in the pokey.”

“What? Why?”

“Driving on a suspended.”

We both laughed harder, and I leaned my head back. She got quiet, and I heard a door snick closed.

“I really need my own space.” Her voice filled with defeat.

I knew that tone. She felt overwhelmed and needed some downtime with a good cry. “What’s wrong, baby?”

“My dad is old. And set in his ways. Us being here was fine in the beginning while mom was sick, but now … he’s grumpy. Oh, and I have no privacy. Like zero. I can’t even sneak away and hide in the fucking bathroom. Then … then there’s the unsolicited parenting advice and I feel like I can’t raise my kids how I want.” She sniffled. “I can’t find a goddamn job because I don’t have a diploma or GED, and my kids are growing and I don’t have the money to keep up. John never has any money.”

“Jo?”

Her voice grew harsh and quieter as she rambled on. “But he can get booze, chew and drugs! And now Harrison wants to go camping and I can’t take them all camping. I don’t know the first thing about it and what would I do with the girls? And how would I keep track of the boys?” She half laughed like a maniac as her voice rose in panic. “Oh. Then I’d need to get the camping gear. And I’m sorry. There is no more money in my fat. Ass! Do I need to suck dick to afford camping stuff?”

I tried hard not to laugh. “Jojo.”

She snapped. “What?”

“Jojo, breathe.”

“Richie … you don’t understand.”

“Bullshit.”

“Richie?”

“Did you forget who you’re talking to? Don’t you remember your parents or some of the church ladies donating hand-me-downs because Pop needed his booze more? Don’t you remember all the shit we couldn’t do because there wasn’t any money?”

“Oh, God.” She sobbed. “I …”

“You’re wrong. I do know.”

She sobbed softly into the phone. “Please, tell me how I can help my boys.”

“They need time to adjust to life without him. Just like you do.” And for the second time tonight, I wished I was there to hold her.

“What if I’m playing with your emotions and I’m clinging on to you because I don’t want to be alone?”

“Are you?” I moved and set my popcorn on the coffee table.

“I’m so scared that what’s between us is you feeling sorry for me.”

“Seriously? You think so little of me that I fuck around with just any woman?”

“Richie, I did something so, so, so stupid.” Her sobs grew. “I hated myself for leaving how I did.”

“Then why did you?” My throat tightened, and I felt tears in my eyes.

“I had to.” She blew her nose. “I’ve missed you. Every day I was gone, I missed you.”

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