Page 12 of Ruining Vanessa

Donny groans loudly and covers his face with his hand. “I’ve got other shit to do, come on. My eyes are swimming because of squinting at this crap. Can’t you call in an expert? Or let your girl handle it, I don’t know.”

I close the ledger and stare at him. “My girl?”

Donny laughs, shaking his head. “Vanessa. She saw me working on it. She said she studied accounting. Anyway, she complained that she was bored and said she’d help me out. Don’t worry, I didn’t actually let her see anything.”

A strange feeling settles in my chest. I know Vanessa can’t be trusted with something like this, but that she even offered… I can pretend, for a few seconds, that she truly wants to be part of the organization. Part of the family.

I look down at the ledger again, flipping through the pages. “Can you make a copy of this?”

“That’s already a copy,” Donny says. “I didn’t want to fuck up our existing records. You gonna take it to your accountant?”

“I’m going to give it to Vanessa,” I say, frowning when I notice one of the entries. “After I do a bit of censoring.”

“For real? Uh… she ran off and tried to talk to the cops. I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

It isn’t. I know very well that trusting the wrong person can lead to unpleasant results—just ask Emilio Pavone. But with a bit of blacking out, I don’t see how Vanessa could use this information, even if she did escape again.

Of course, we’re never letting her escape again.

“I’ll take responsibility,” I say. “You can get back to the club.”

Donny shrugs and leaves me alone in the office.

I take a black marker from Donny’s desk and settle on the armchair to black out the more salient bits.

It takes longer than I would have liked, and it’s already past 9 p.m. when I finally finish. But it’s presentable now.

Vanessa will be happy.

I almost have the urge to smile as I make my way to her cell. I wonder if I’ll be able to see a small bump on her stomach already—no, that’s silly. It takes at least several months for pregnancy to show.

“Good evening,” I say as I enter Vanessa’s cell. “How are you doing today? Morning sickness? Strange food cravings?”

Vanessa looks up at me then gestures to the trash can in the room. “I started my period yesterday,” she says, her voice wobbling a little like she isn’t sure if I’m going to get angry at her or not. She watches me warily, fidgeting with the blanket on the bed.

For a few moments, I don’t move at all. The warmth, the small hope, I’d been nursing collapses in on itself, replaced only by a sudden chill.

“Are you… sure?” I ask, my voice flat. “Sometimes there’s spotting.”

She blinks at me. “Yes?” She doesn’t sound too certain at first, but she goes on, “It’s not spotting. It’s a heavier flow. I’ve had to change out my… my tampons several times.”

“I see.” I have to take a moment to collect myself. “It was a bit optimistic of us to believe you’d get pregnant so fast.”

Vanessa nods, but her smile looks forced. “Yeah. That would’ve been pretty quick,” she says. “Sorry. I… I still have time, right?” She suddenly looks afraid, and I go to her, sitting down on the bed next to her and wrapping an arm around her. She tenses, but she doesn’t pull away from me.

“Of course you have time. I’ll tell Giulio, so he knows. It’s good this is all happening now, anyway. He’s busy with a few things, so he wouldn’t have been able to visit much this week as it is.” I kiss the side of her head gently.

“Good,” she says.

I frown at her. “He wants to be here.”

She nods again. “I… Yes,” she says lamely.

We sit with our disappointment for a little while, taking comfort in each other. I know how unrealistic it was to assume she was already pregnant, but when she didn’t get her period…

With a sigh, I set the ledger on my lap and pull out my phone. I tap over to the period tracking app and input her cycle. Started yesterday, still going today…

“You’ll let me know when your period is over, of course,” I say. The app is already recalibrating itself, giving suggestions as to when Vanessa’s most fertile days might be.

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