Page 20 of Hitting the Gap

Forty minutes later, Bailey let herself back into the apartment with her box of nail supplies. The fact it hadn’t made the original list of must haves spoke volumes about her state of mind when she’d grabbed her stuff the day before.

It wasn’t that long ago she’d painted her nails every week. Slowly over time, the more Brad commented, the less she’d enjoyed doing it until it got to where she’d just stopped completely. How had she not seen what he was doing even back then? Chipping away at who she was until she’d become almost unrecognizable. Never again.

Bailey set her box on the kitchen island. Grabbing her phone, she scrolled through her library until she found the female empowerment playlist she used for her class. Perfect. She synced her phone with Gonzo’s stereo and “I Will Survive” blasted through the speakers. Bailey grinned. Damn, that was a good sound system.

She turned the volume up a little louder and shimmied over to the cupboard in search of olive oil. May as well go all out and hot oil her hair while she did her nails. Bailey pulled it out and poured some into a small bowl and stuck it in the microwave. When it beeped, she grabbed the oil bowl and carried it to the bathroom. Bailey eyed her stained shirt. At least she didn’t need to change first. She doused her hair in warm oil, piled it on top of her head, and clipped it in place.

Back in the kitchen, she rooted through her nail supplies. What was she in the mood for?

Spotting the black polish, she grinned. Hawks. That was perfect. Decorating her nails for one of Gonzo’s games had been what started her love of nail art. While the other girls were out dating in high school, she’d been elaborately decorating her nails. No one in her family had been safe, not even her dad.

Man, he’d been so annoyed when he found out she’d been painting designs on Gonzo’s toenails instead of his fingers like the rest of them. But Gonzo had refused to let her do his fingernails after the guys at school teased him mercilessly after the first time he’d shown up with nail art. He’d said the guys could fuck off if they wanted to make fun of his feet. His logic had made no sense to her, but he’d still been willing to be her guinea pig, so who was she to question it?

Just thinking about it made her smile. They didn’t make guys like Gonzo very often. It’s not every guy who’d let her paint his nails. Heck, Brad hadn’t even liked her to paint her own. There was no chance he’d ever let her paint his.

The more Bailey thought of all the warning signs she’d missed with Brad, the dumber she felt. She’d been so desperate to fall in love and get married like her sisters, that she’d settled for someone who made her feel like shit about herself and then cheated on her, anyway. According to her sister, Deanna, she should just be happy someone wanted to marry her, like she was somehow undeserving of a faithful partner. Screw that.

Bailey hoisted herself up on the stool and spread her supplies across the island.

A big glob of paint fell on her thumbnail. Holy cow, she’d become right dominant over the past few years. Doing her right hand was a lot harder than she remembered.

She bobbed along to the music as she carefully decorated her thumb in a team color design, then added different designs with team colors on her index and ring fingers. She drew a Hawks’ logo on her middle fingers, and a baseball on her pinkies. Finally, after a lot of trial and error, she had her fingers decorated just how she wanted. Bailey held her hand out in front of her and wiggled her fingers excitedly.

For the first time in a long time, she felt like herself. She was still admiring her handiwork when her phone rang. Seeing her favorite sister’s name on the screen, she swiped to answer it. “Hi Jen,” she said as she connected the call.

“Hey how’s the new place? You all moved in?”

“Slight change of plans. Just let me grab my earbuds.” Bailey hustled down the hall to her bedroom and grabbed her earphones off the bedside table and shoved them in her ears. “Okay.”

“What do you mean, you had a slight change of plans?” her sister asked.

“That place was disgusting. No chance I was going to live there.” Just thinking about the smell in that room made her stomach churn.

“Then where are you living?”

“I’m living with Gonzo until I find something better.” She wandered over to her bedroom window and looked out at the ocean view. It sure as hell didn’t get much better than this. Gonzo had said there was no rush to move, and honestly, she didn’t want to. The idea of living with Gonzo till she got her feet wet in the city was really appealing.

“I’m sorry, did you just say you’re living with Gonzo?” Jen made a whooping sound. “Yes! Please tell me you’re finally going to climb that man like a tree.”

“Oh my god, we’re friends Jennifer. There will be no sex.”

“Well, that’s a damn shame because I’ve seen that man and, mmm, if anyone could help you get over Brad, it would be him.”

“I was over Brad the second I found him fucking my best friend.” She dropped onto the mattress. “Ugh, I’m an idiot. For two years, I let that man chip away at my self-esteem in all these insidious little ways until I became this person I don’t even recognize.” Tears welled in her eyes. “I saw it and I let it happen. I know better. I teach this for god’s sake.”

“Just because you have a PhD doesn’t mean you’re immune to it.”

“I know. It’s just… I didn’t think I’d be here. I got all this education and did years of therapy just to end up here. I feel so stupid.”

“You fell in love with the wrong guy. You trusted him with your insecurities, and he used them against you. That doesn’t make you stupid, sweetie. It makes him an asshole.”

“But did he have to cheat with my best friend?” Her throat burned. “How did I not see it, Jen? How could I not know? She was my best friend.” Her eyes burned as tears fought their way to the surface.

“Oh sweetie, no one expects their best friend to do something like that. She’s such a bitch,” Jen muttered. “That should never happen. You trusted her. Of course it didn’t occur to you she’d do something like that. Why would it?”

Well, it would now. Tears streamed down her cheeks, and she brushed them away. Brandy’s betrayal almost hurt more than Brad’s. “I don’t know how the hell I’m supposed to make friends here when I feel like I can’t trust anyone.”

“You can trust Gonzo.”

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