Page 20 of Simply You & Me

Pushing off Daddy, I bounce between them on my knees. I giggle, seeing how messy Mommy's chocolate-colored hair is and Daddy's black hair is standing tall. Patting the crazy strands down, I look at my pretty mommy again. "I can have a gift now?"

I watch as they look at each other. Sometimes, when I catch them doing this, my body feels all warm and cozy. I think the word is called love. That's what Mommy and Daddy feel when they look at each other and when they look at me. I smile, enjoying the gentle weight of their love warming me.

Mommy looks at me again with a big smile. Her eyes sparkle, too, making me lean in. "You're going to be a big sister, Lynnie."

"Your little sister will be here so soon. Isn't that exciting?!" Daddy hoots.

"Where is she?" I bounce, smiling. My tummy flitters, and I'm feeling a little lost.

Mommy grabs my hand and puts it on her belly, where there's a weird bump. "She's in here, honey. Are you okay?"

I nod quickly and eye the bump with wonder. I lean in, being careful with my new baby sister. "Hi there. You are the bestest Christmas gift ever. I am going to love you like Mommy and Daddy love me. I promise."

"Mom?" A soft voice nestles against my vulnerable consciousness. "Mom, please wake up."

My eyes stay closed, not allowing me access to reality. I want to stay with my parents for just one more second. It felt so real. It was real. Except, the ending of that joyous morning came to a halt a few weeks later when they sat me down and told me my little sister wouldn't be coming home.

Hushed whispers surround me, and as my blanket shifts, my tears cool, bringing shivers to my overheated skin.

"Adelyn. Come on, Dolly, open your eyes."

The deep, husky voice threatens the inner turmoil, wreaking havoc on my nerves.

I can't. I'm so tired. So... sad.

A tickle on my forehead makes me scrunch my nose and move away from the touch. "You can and you will. Open those pretty eyes for me, Doll."

The command in the rich tone has my eyelids fluttering open without a second thought. More tears fall from my cheeks when I see Zachary sitting beside me. His dark brows are furrowed, and the shadows of my apartment highlight the indents of his dimples. The absence of his smile makes my bottom lip quiver.

“Hey, shh,” Zach soothes, reaching for me as I lift my arms to him. A sob bursts from my scratchy throat once I’m tucked against his chest. “I have you now,” he hums, his lips brushing against my forehead.

It hurts. Everything hurts so much. I promised my first sibling that I would love her, but I never got the chance. I cry for the baby my mom lost mid-pregnancy and the sibling Rory and I will never get to meet. My heart shatters and rips my organs apart for the parents we lost.

I miss my dad. I want my mom. What would they think of me now? Would they tell me I need to do better? Be better?

I promised one sibling I would love her as our parents did, and I failed. I won't fail Aurora. I never meant the promise to be so literal the first time I made it, but the second time, I truly do love Rory as my mom and dad did.

I'm her mom now. I just wish I had one too.

"Rory, come help me do the dishes, please?" Gabby's voice shocks me out of my breakdown.

"Will Mommy be okay?"

My heaving breaths stutter to a halt, and I immediately swallow the ball of ugly emotion in my throat. I haven't heard Rory's voice so small in years. I'm scaring her.

"You aren't scaring her," a soft voice murmurs below me. My attention shifts, making me peel my wet face from Zach's large chest. I find Julian kneeling on the floor beside me with watery, worried eyes. "She just loves you very much, sweetie."

I hiccup and reach for him. Julian's reaction is immediate, sliding me from the couch and onto his lap. Zach grumbles but wraps the blanket around my shoulders since it fell from my drop to the ground.

My tears start anew when Julian cups my jaw and forces my gaze to his. "Addie, what's wrong?"

"I—" I choke on another sob, unable to get the words out. Seeing Mom and Dad's faces so bright and happy... feeling their love... it's too much. Loneliness strangles me until the only sounds that come out are my ragged breaths.

I don't know how long I cry into Julian's neck, but my body has begun to buzz with the need to take back some control. "What time is it?" I croak.

"Almost seven, sweetheart," Julian tucks a strand of hair behind my ear.

Shit. I have to make dinner. I was just going to take a little rest while Rory watched her movie, but I must have clonked out harder than intended. I still feel like I could sleep another twelve hours.

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