Page 60 of Simply You & Me

Settling into the cushions, I think through how to begin my letter to Addie. It turns out that ignoring Wyatt doesn't make him go away, and glaring at the paper doesn't make words magically appear. I guess we're doing this the hard way. With emotions and fuckery.

Wyatt sits next to me, his thigh pressing into mine. Shifting slightly, he faces me and pleads, "Talk to me, Jules."

I snort. "You sound like Tate." Ugh, hearing their raised voices through the doors two days ago was awful. Hearing Addie speak her mind and lay it all out there is still painful, almost as much as Rory shuffling away from us as fast as possible when she and Gabby walked out. We agreed on just letting Tate see her on Tuesday, but we couldn't help our worry for him or smother the need to be near Addie.

A firm grip on my thigh pulls me out of my thoughts, and I allow my eyes to peel themselves away from the blank white sheet. "Julian," Wyatt begins his scolding. "What's wrong? I need you to talk to me."

I sigh, knowing he's not going to let this go. Nibbling my lip, I wrestle with what to say. I settle for something simple. "I miss you. All of you." I watch as he plucks the clove out of his mouth, readying a response, but I beat him to it. "I know we have a lot of shit going on, so I'm not blaming anyone. But yeah, I'm lonely. I feel like I haven't been touched in ages, nor has anyone looked at me with an ounce of affection or warmth. I'm starting to feel empty."

Fuck, I sound stupid. We're all happy with our dynamic. Being less lovey with each other but shit, I miss getting my ass slapped, or a rough kiss here and there. We rarely say it, but I miss the looks that say I love you.

My thigh pulses, making me realize Wyatt has been gripping it harder for longer than I noticed. The clearing of his throat makes me anxious. "I understand, Julian. I miss you all." He sighs like he's gearing up to admit something. "I feel a little empty, too. Lonely."

"You do?" I ask, surprised because I hadn't stopped to think the others might be feeling the same way. Feeling like shit, I murmur, "I'm so sorry, I should have known. If I had?—"

His mouth ensnares mine in a punishing kiss, cutting off my words. My body ignites at the contact, fire licking up my spine at his touch. Wyatt ends the kiss abruptly but keeps his firm hold on my throat.

"No," he grumbles. "No apologizing. We're here now, and I promise not to leave you alone in this, my love. I'm so sorry."

I huff, leaning my forehead against his. "You can say you’re sorry, but I can't?"

"Don't be a brat," he warns, flexing his fingers against the sides of my neck. "I love you."

The puff of his breath against my lips has me chasing his, needing to feel closer to him. With a grunt, Wyatt's devouring my mouth and hauling me onto his lap. Grinding down in my straddled position, I moan at the friction the action causes. I put up a good fight trying to dominate his wicked tongue, but I soon melt into his tight hold on my hip and throat.

"Mm, so good for me," he growls against my lips, making me desperate for more. Fuck, I love when he dominates me. Wyatt and Zach have bigger dominant streaks than Tate and I do, and goddamn, it’s sexy. I'd give myself to him in a heartbeat if my stomach hadn't just rumbled, creating an obvious vibration between us.

Wyatt chuckles, sending shivers down my spine at the huskiness. "I'll make us lunch. You finish what you were doing." His chin lifts, indicating my forgotten pen and paper.

Peeling myself off his lap is easier knowing he's going to make me food. Just as Wyatt stands, Tate enters the kitchen looking like death. Has he slept at all?!

With a smile at me and a nod, Wyatt walks right into Tate's personal space and drops a tender kiss on his lips. "My boy. Go sit with Jules while I make us lunch, okay?"

My chest warms, loving the dazed look in T's eyes as he touches his fingertips to his lips. I lift an arm and beckon him over, needing his touch and warmth like I need air. He pads his way into the living room, shirtless. The grey sweatpants he's rocking leave nothing to the imagination. Wyatt having worked him up enough with a single kiss.

Tate eyes the cozy position I'm offering him with so much relief it makes me ache. God, have we all been starved for each other? No longer. Without preamble, Tate snuggles into my side and closes his eyes. It's not long until his head shifts to my lap, and he lets out a quiet snore.

I chuckle silently as I run my fingers through his blond locks. While he snoozes on my lap and Wyatt hums in the kitchen, I finally feel settled enough for words to pour out of me and onto the paper. It's not enough, but it's a start.

Julian's Letter

Addie... Sweetheart,

I miss you. So much. Your voice. The content smile you give us when you’re cozy. I miss your laugh and the snorts you try to hide. Your soft skin has been on my mind. I just want to hold you. I would be happy with just your hand in mine. But in reality, I want, I need, to wrap you in my arms and never let you go. To squeeze you until you feel how my heart beats for you. You and our baby. For Rory. My heart beats for our future. You, me, the kids, and our guys. No matter what Adelyn, we WILL be in your future. Even if you hate us, never speak to us, or look in our direction, you three hold our happiness, devotion, and love. You are our future, no matter what, because we love you, and you three are everything.

I hate that the first time I'm going to say this to you is in a letter, but... I love you, Adelyn May West. I love our baby, and I love Rory like my own, too. I understand why this may be my only form of communication with you for a while, but that doesn't mean I'm not wishing I could whisper this in your ear while we cry.

I don't say this to blame you or make you feel guilty... this is just me truly being vulnerable. No jokes. No laughs. Sweetheart, I hurt without you. I fucking ache, and nothing feels okay anymore. I love our guys with my whole soul, but you are my heart. You are the heart of this family, and without you, without our vital organ, we are lost. We are nothing but a husk without you, Rory, and now our baby. I realized how lonely I am today. Wyatt found out, and it turns out we’re all struggling. We've distanced ourselves from each other too, so we have some work to do at home. I miss them, too. This sucks, and I am so sorry to dump my feelings on you like this. I just can't seem to stop myself from feeling. Feeling everything all at once. I'm overwhelmed, and sad, and lonely.

I can only imagine what you’re feeling. Hell, you're growing a whole human. Just know that even when you can't see us or hear us, we’re there. Right outside, watching over you and wishing you a good night’s sleep and a comfortable day. We're here. You're not alone, even when you might feel like it, and we aren't going anywhere.

It's not enough, and I know that. I have so many things I want to say to you Sweetness, but none of it will ever be enough. No matter how many words I say or how pretty they may sound, they won't erase the hurt on their own. I'll show you any chance I get. I'll never block you out again. I will give you everything I am. I promise.

I love you,

Julian

Chapter Forty

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