Page 43 of Simply You & Me

Something's going on with the guys, and nobody will tell me what it is. And I don't mean like they are keeping a surprise from me or something. No. This has been going on for a week and a half. It happened gradually after they came over for Taco Tuesday last week, but they are barely giving me the light of day.

Hanging out with them last weekend wreaked absolute havoc on my nerves. Something was clearly distracting them. Their laptops were going haywire, and they left me alone in the living room more than once. They canceled dinner that night. Our first official date out ended up just me sitting on their couch as they continuously disappeared.

Their texts have become stilted. They didn't come over this Tuesday, and my phone calls are being sent to voicemail. What's confusing me even more is at least one of them makes the effort to do something sweet each day. Like this morning, Tate dropped off an iced coffee and a muffin before giving me a swift kiss on the cheek and leaving once again. Their sweet gestures never come in the form of quality time or conversation. Just little snacks or random gifts. It would be super sweet if they would talk to me and actually give me the time of day.

I even resorted to asking Rylee and Gabby if they knew about something going on. Neither of them nor Rylee's guys knew what was happening. My anxious brain is telling me that the guys are being normal and happy with Gabby, Rylee, and her husbands but are trying to break it off with me without having to actually do it.

I feel like I'm going crazy. One moment I'm pissed, the next, I'm crying or pacing, trying to figure out what I did wrong. I really don't think I did anything wrong. Unless they don't think of me the same way after hearing about what Johnny did to me.

Or maybe it's the cutting. When Zach cleaned me up after my activities with Wyatt and Tate, he saw a few of my fresh cuts. They were far more shallow than I've ever done. Maybe he didn't believe me when I said I was trying. Maybe Zach told the guys, and they just can't deal with me.

I don't know if I'm overreacting, and maybe they’re getting reestablished here, but if this is how it's going to be, then I don't think it's going to work. Running myself ragged at work isn't helping, since every time I have a moment, I fucking cry. Rory seems fine, but she's been asking about the guys, too.

Fuck, it feels like we broke up.

Clasping my bra, I curse my tits for how badly they ache. Actually… why are they spilling out so much? Checking the straps, I don't see anything wrong. ‘Kay, I guess it's a sports bra kind of night.

Chucking the bra back into its drawer, I find the white padded one I wear during my periods for work. It hides behind my white blouse and keeps me comfortable for?—

Wait. No, no, no, no, no!

Clutching the bra to my thundering chest, I reach for my packet of birth control pills resting on my dresser. With shaky hands, I grab it, already knowing what I’ll find.

Weeks’ worth of little white pills snug in their packaging. Pills that should have been swallowed each morning. Mornings I spent hurling my guts up. Or Gabby bringing the guys over with Rory. And one morning, I woke up horrifically hungover with wet panties.

Weeks of pills mock me as I crumple to the floor. Am I truly so fucking scattered that I didn't pick up on the morning sickness, the exhaustion, and nausea? Not to mention how emotionally overwhelmed I've been.

How could I let this happen?!

I've always been a bit forgetful with them, but there has never been cause to worry. Until Julian. Honestly, I didn't believe I was fertile. Seeing my mom struggle all those years to have another baby left me feeling like it wasn't something I could ever have.

I'm having a baby. I'm having Julian's baby. The guy who has been basically MIA for a week and a half. Maybe they’re slowly trying to hint that they don't want me anymore. Oh my god. They'll think I trapped them. I can't tell them. Not yet. Not until I know what's going on. Whether or not they want me, who knows if they want a kid? Fuck, I think I've ruined their lives.

"Mom! Someone’s at the door!"

"Shit, shit, shit!" I hiss, quickly wiping my tears and shoving my bra over my head.

Speak of the devil; Julian's here to pick up Rory. Last week, they said they would bring her to their place while I worked my dinner shift tonight. Gabby had a date lined up, and Rylee had plans, too.

By the time I have my white blouse tucked into my black dress pants, my hair in a high ponytail, and my shiny black shoes on, I'm numb. With my keys in hand and my phone pocketed, I leave my bedroom and approach the apartment door.

Swallowing back every feeling I have, I twist the lock and allow the father of my baby into my fucking house.

What a mess! I need to take a pregnancy test. Like weeks ago.

Julian immediately swoops in and kisses my cheek. "Hey, sweetie. Ready to go?"

"Rory, time to go!" I shout, moving away from his yummy, minty scent. I snatch an apple from the bowl on the counter and grab a water bottle, too.

"Addie, what's wrong?" Julian steps into my space as I round the island.

An uneasy lump forms in my throat, but I shove it down. I'm not telling him shit right now. I have to get to work, and they haven't been communicating with me at all for the past ten days.

"Change of plans. I'm driving myself to work. I'll pick Rory up at ten; thank you for watching her."

"Wha—"

Rory saves me from having to explain myself. "Julian! I missed you!" Tugging on his hand, she drags him to the front door. "Love you, Mom! Have a good night at work!"

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