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"Can I do this myself?” she asks.

I shake my head. "I think it'll be easier if I help you."

“You don’t have to take care of me, Carina."

"Don't be so stubborn. Just let me help you."

"Fine." She sighs dramatically.

Following the instructions, I put the shower cap over her head and started massaging her scalp through the thick plastic. The shampoo began to foam. I moved my fingers around the bag and her scalp, carefully spreading the shampoo around her head and onto as much of her hair as possible. I rubbed more of the shampoo into some areas that looked greasier. Slowly, the shampoo’s minty lavender scent enveloped the room.

Grandma inhales deeply. "Wow, that smells much better than I expected."

"I know, right?"

She smiles as I continue spreading the shampoo through her hair and scalp. I hear a soft sniffle and a tear rolls down her cheek when I glance at her face.

"Oh no! Did I pull your hair? Is it burning? Is something wrong?"

I stop massaging her scalp, pull my hands away, and grab the box again to look for interactions.

"Oh no, no, no, Carina. It's fine. It's great, actually. I’m reminded of when I used to wash your hair when you were little." She smiles wistfully. "It feels like it was just yesterday."

I remove the cap, carefully wiping off as much of the shampoo as possible from her hair. Then, I grab a towel and towel-dry her hair before combing it.

"Your hair looks so much better," I say.

I grab the mirror and face it towards her. She scrunches up her face and quickly waves the mirror away.

"There's something wrong with your mirror. All I see is an old woman."

She laughs, but then her smile fades away. As I turn to set the mirror down, she reaches for my hand. “I’ve been thinking a lot lately, Carina.” She pauses, looking up and into my eyes. "I’m so sorry I wasn't a better mother to you. I tried my best, but I guess I didn't do a good job the first time around either."

It wasn’t like Grandma to mention the past.

"What are you talking about? You always were and always will be the best mom I could have. Even though I call you grandma, you're the only mom and parent I've ever known.”

“It’s been difficult for you, though, and you missed out on a lot of things your classmates were able to do.”

But I never wanted for anything,” I say. “You always made sure that I had everything I needed. And you were always there for me. Whether I scraped my knee or needed someone to talk to, I always knew you were there."

"Yes, but look at you. You're beautiful and smart, and I'm so proud of you. But you deserve more, Carina.” She sighs deeply and turns away from me before wiping a tear that spills down her cheek. “Listen to me, there’s some things you should know in case…”

“No, don’t say that. I don’t even want to think about that."

“But you should know, sweetie. You should know. Come sit.” She moves her legs over and pats her bed. “I don’t know where to begin,” she says. “I know these last few years have been difficult on you, with having to take care of me.”

"Well, it wouldn't be so bad if you'd stop ending up in the hospital," I say, trying to lighten the mood.

She smiles and then raises her hand and waves me closer. I lean towards her, and her arms wrap around me. She pats my back and then rubs it just like she's done for as long as I can remember.

I step back as tears fill my eyes. I try to blink them back, but they fall. I can't help but think about this past month and taking the money from Alex. Everything had happened so fast that I never got to tell her why or how she got new doctors. What would she think of me if she knew? Would she be disappointed?

We didn't keep secrets from each other, though, and I had waited long enough. As I wipe away my tears, I take a deep breath to ready myself for whatever might happen.

"What's going on, Carina?” she asks.

“There’s a lot I've left a lot out recently. There are some things that I haven't told you. But I didn't want to upset you, and I didn't want to lose that look you always get in on your face when you see me.”

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