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“She did. It surprised me more than anything,” I say.

“What’d you do?” Odessa teases.

“She thought I was being disrespectful.”

“Were you?”

I laugh. “I might’ve been.”

“Good, she deserved it. Did you slap her back?”

“She’s my mom! I can’t slap her back.”

“Oh yes, you can. Besides, she’s barely your mom. You shouldn’t take that crap from anyone.”

Suddenly, my eyes well up, and I can’t stop the tears from coming. I turn away from Odessa and wipe at the tears, but there’s no stopping them.

“Oh, honey, what is it? Is it her? She’s not your momma; Lydia is. You know that.”

“No, it’s not that,” I sniffle. “I guess it’s just everything really. Alex said he loves me, and we’ve talked since, but I don’t think we can be friends anymore, which I hate. Ryan kind of said he loves me too when he gave me this.” I point to the hair comb that has only left my hair once since I got it. “But now he hates me. He showed up at Alex’s and saw me there. I left with him, but then we had a huge fight.”

“Does he know the truth? Did you tell him?”

“No. How can I? It’ll just make things worse.”

Odessa wraps her arm around my shoulder and leads me up the steps to the front door of the building.

“Let’s take this inside,” she says. “People sometimes are too damn nosy for their own good.” She points to one of my neighbors sitting in the window. “I’m talking to you. I see you.”

The woman suddenly closes her blinds, and Odessa and I laugh.

“See, that’s good, you’re laughing.”

“Thanks,” I say as I unlock the door.”

She heads straight into the kitchen, grabs the tea kettle, fills it with water, and starts heating it up. Then, she begins opening and closing cabinet doors.

“You have to have cookies or something in this place,” she says. “I know Lydia has a sweet tooth.” She finds my grandmother’s stash of Chessman cookies, pulls two out, and hands one to me. “This will help you feel better.”

“Thanks,” I say, taking the cookie.

“Now, what are you going to do, sis? Are you going to just sit there and let life happen to you, or are you going to make life happen for you?”

“I’m going to make life happen for me?” I say before forcing a smile.

“Say it with confidence.”

“But I don’t feel confident.”

She sits down next to me and crosses her legs. “I’ll let you in on a little secret. A lot of us don’t feel confident most of the time. I know I don’t. But if I tell myself to act it, then I’ll feel it. Fake it until you make it, and then manifest that shit into existence. You’ve been through a lot lately with your grandma’s health, and now these men, and losing your job. Sis, your tears are well deserved. But you need to figure out what’s next because otherwise, you’ll get stuck in this mud, and it’s hard to get out of it.”

“I want to fix things with Ryan,” I say.

“Then stop waiting for him to call. Take control of your life.”

I nod my head and reach for my phone. I tap his contact photo, a picture I took of him cooking at the cabin, and the phone begins to ring. And ring. And it keeps ringing until it goes to voicemail.

I let out a long breath of disappointment as I hang up. Odessa is right. Ryan and I need to talk. I need to tell him the truth, and I need to hear his. I can’t judge him for lying when I haven’t been honest, either.

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