Page 61 of Mark my Words

“Suit yourself. If I’m not at the house, I’m probably at the club watching the lifeguard training.”

“Holy shit,” I sputtered. Nana knew when to get me to laugh, but she wasn’t joking. Nana would watch the lifeguards at the country club returning from university for the summer tourist season. “Aren’t they a little young for you?”

“Eh, I’m just looking. I wouldn’t know what to do with one of those young sporty types.” But I did, Nana, and it was hot. “There’s no harm in a little window shopping,” she laughed in her husky chuckle.

“I’ll let you know when I’m planning on heading down,” I told her, changing the subject before she started to stray off-topic. “I have a few vacation days saved up. Maybe I’ll come down early.” I needed a break. Something had to give if I wanted to get through this mock manuscript trial without losing my mind. It’s not like I had any other commitments besides work. I distanced myself from everything so I could focus, not that I’d had many close relationships, to begin with. My entire childhood had been spent determining which of my friends was using me to get to my brother or father.

“Sounds good, sweetheart. I’m looking forward to seeing you. It’s been too long since it’s been just us.” Which made me feel guilty because when I’d stayed away from New York, I’d also unintentionally neglected to visit her.

After we hung up, I texted Isobel, asking if she needed me in the office in person for the rest of the week. I could still work if I didn’t go in. There were tons of editors and their interns who worked remotely. If I had internet, I could access everything on the shared drive if IT knew to let me have remote access.

Kristine: Can I work remotely until Monday?

Isobel: Something wrong?

Kristine: My grandmother is at her house on the Cape, and I wanted to visit before the tourist season starts.

Isobel: I’ll email IT. Just make sure you’re checking your email regularly. I’ll need your eyes on Chase & Evan’s final draft before I can send it for formatting.

Kristine: Email me the details when you have them. I’ll head back to the city Sunday.

Isobel: You haven’t taken any vacation this year. Why don’t you take a few days of PTO so you’re fresh for your sample edits?

Kristine: I’ll work remotely.

Isobel: Let me repeat that, take the next few days as PTO. I don’t need you in the office until next Wednesday. Take a break for once.

Kristine: I’ll think about it.

Isobel: You’ll do it.

I guess I wouldn’t have to worry about avoiding Sam at the office if I took a few days off. Maybe we both needed some distance from each other, and Nana could help me figure out what to do with the mess I’d created for myself.

SAM

BOSTON

Whenever I opened my text messages, I wondered if it was her. It was stupid, really. She’d looked serious when she stormed out of that coffee shop. I thought she’d get a hold of me once she had time to think about whatever was bothering her. Kristine clearly needed more space, so I was trying to be patient and let her have it. Whenever things got too serious for her, she reminded me that I wasn’t her boyfriend, so I didn’t have the right to act like one. But she’d been pushing me away for weeks, and I didn’t like it. I wasn’t ready to let go of the hope we could make this work or at least see it through to its natural conclusion. I was still attracted to her—more than just physically—and wasn’t ready to give her up so soon.

We’d both been asked to continue in the interview process, Adrian confirming with Isobel that Kristine had made it to the next round when I was too afraid to walk down to her office to ask.

Blake: You down to sub in a game Friday after work?

It’d been a while since a lacrosse game had fit into my schedule, and it would feel good to push myself outside the gym. I could run and lift, but there wasn’t a workout that could mimic a good game.

Sam: What time?

Blake: 6:30. Beers after?

The last time I’d gone out with the guys on the intramural team, this petite little blonde hit on me at the bar. It’d been fun to go back to her place and fool around. She’d been more than eager to give me a blow job in her kitchen, but I wasn’t interested in returning to that hook-up lifestyle. I liked figuring out what made Kristine pant and squirm, and afterward, when she opened up and let me see inside that locked-up brain of hers, I knew I was in a precarious place.

She’d thrown on the brakes hardcore, but if she felt as drawn to me as I was to her, I hoped it was only a matter of time before she reached out to me. I hated feeling like a desperate teenage girl waiting by the phone for my crush to call. I knew it was fucked up, but I also knew that she’d shut down and stop things entirely if I chased her. I’d settle for her body and part of her mind and heart rather than nothing.

She’d been so adamant that this wouldn’t work between us, but it was working, or at least it had been until she tried to push me away. I could understand her reservations, we were actively competing for the same job, but I’d be happy if she earned it. I wanted to keep progressing with my career trajectory, but there would be other opportunities if this fell through. I wasn’t going to put all my eggs in one basket. I’d started keeping an eye on other publishers in the Boston area. Working with Adrian was a good experience, but I wasn’t married to Vivid. I’d take it if something better came along at the right time.

I wasn’t sure what that meant for my future with Kristine, but I wasn’t ready to walk away yet. She was interesting and sarcastic, with a quick wit that constantly kept me guessing. I enjoyed her little barbs, even when they were aimed at me. Her independence was sexy, and she didn’t make me feel guilty for spending so much time focused on my job. Call me a glutton for punishment, but she’d gotten under my skin and into my heart, and I couldn’t imagine not having her in my life.

I texted Blake back, hoping that distraction would keep me from dwelling on this. She needed time, and since we’d likely be thrown together working on the book tour, it was only a matter of time before she was forced to talk to me.

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