Page 13 of Knowing Trust

“Izzy and Katrina feel like in maybe five or ten years Faerie could be in a spot that this could happen and not be an immediate knee-jerk reaction of everyone… You know.”

He swallowed loudly. “I’m the boss and you are just a puppet ruler. Everything you feared and I helped put into too many heads.”

Yeah, that. Or that he would take over as king, but he’d promised not to, and there was no changing that law now that the corrupt ancients and elders were gone.

It wasn’t like I was going to do it!

“I would agree with their assessment but I’m biased. I will say that Taeral said the same as a way to comfort me that even if we don’t have hope now that we will live long lives and hopefully things will change and I could have a chance,” he said quietly as he focused on his own drink. “I wasn’t mature and got angry that was the only thing standing in our way.”

“That’s a big ‘only,’ Nel,” I whispered.

“Yes, but it’s…”

“You want to be worth it to me,” I said for him, he slightly flinched and hurried to take a drink. “Yeah, I would feel the same, but it’s not about whether or not you would be worth it. It’s about whether it’s smart to start something knowing you would experience that pain.”

“I know. I know that. I do.”

“But feeling it is something different,” I accepted.

“Are you going to have this conversation with yourself?” he teased, his tone light or trying to be.

I ignored it and stayed focused. This was hard enough on me. “I understand your feelings, but you have to factor in how much of this you did to us. I’m not trying to punish you, but it’s reality. And my head still screams that I’m a fool to ever consider this after all you did.”

I felt his pain almost like it was my own.

“Nel, I’ve forgiven you,” I said gently. “I have. I believe you’re not that guy anymore. But too much bad has happened to me. Would it really be the craziest thing that you had come up with a new plot and simply put on a mask to get me this way before going with the original plan?”

He blinked back tears. “No. No, it’s not, and you should be that smart.” He sat back and wiped under his eyes. “You’ll never give us a chance, will you?”

“I want to,” I admitted, hurrying on when he froze, not thinking that was where this conversation was heading. “I just don’t know how. There’s so much at stake. What if—we’re not talking about a normal first date here, and even if we have one and it’s a disaster, everything is gone.” I gestured between us. “Everything we have now is gone. That is such a gamble and—”

“Please take it,” he rasped, blinking back tears as he met my gaze. “You’re not just my mate but the best friend I’ve ever had, Tams. I know this is scary. I’m terrified as well. But, everything else aside—Faerie, your other mates, being royals, the gods even—if we were just Neldor and Tamsin…”

“What?”

He licked his lips. “Would you want that first date?”

My answer was instant. “Yes.”

“Then please take this gamble with me because my answer is the same. Please take this gamble on us. Don’t we deserve it? Haven’t we suffered enough because of all the rest of that?” He gestured out toward the world and I knew what he meant. “Leave the rest out there and just let it be us and—”

“But that’s not our life, Nel,” I cut in. “And I need to think about some… Guardrails here. I need…”

“What, baby doll?” he asked gently. “What do you need to make this work? To give us a chance?”

I took a long sip of my drink. “An idea of what we both expect?” I nodded. “Yeah, that’s what Lucca and I discussed and it was smart. I’ve done it with the others after fights or issues when we got back together.”

“But we were never together yet,” he hedged.

“Right, I get that, but given where we’re starting and what’s already happened, it’s—that makes everything too complicated to pretend we can simply focus on us only.” I was relieved when I saw understanding fill his eyes.

“Okay, I hear you,” he accepted. “I didn’t consider that when we’re both clear we’re not going public with any of this. Right, okay, there’s still a lot to discuss I guess.” He frowned like he wasn’t sure if that was true or how that worked so much. He opened his mouth but then closed it, trying several more times before giving me a look like he was stumped.

Which was actually adorable if I was honest.

“I’m not sure I know the answer yet either,” I admitted. “That was why I was going to get some more advice first.”

“Okay.” He bobbed his head and took another long sip. “Are there any specific concerns holding you back?” He frowned when I fidgeted with my drink. “So clearly, there are. Baby doll, if there is something worrying you more than what I already know, please tell me.”

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