Page 14 of Knowing Trust

“It’s really hard for me to, so I need you to…”

“Be gentle with you?” he offered.

Yeah, that would work, so I nodded.

“I can do that. Please, just tell me.”

I cleared my throat. “You need to back off a bit if we’re going to try dating. Stuff like the press conference scares me. I get you’re taking the role your dad had for your mom at times, but they were mated. We’re not. And I even accepted it as you being my right hand sometimes, and I get why you do it, but if we cross this line, it’s too…”

“Manipulative?” he checked, sighing when I nodded. “Yeah, okay, that’s fair. But you have to let me take the heat at times too then since we’re the leadership team.” He shook his head when I argued. “The vice president does it too, Tams. Their job is to protect the president at times too. I’ve looked into that relationship and they do.”

“Okay, that’s fair, but no more sneak attacks or whatever. I’m doing better too. I accepted the food tasters and have been better. I need to build trust that you won’t go behind my back even if to help me.”

“That’s fair,” he accepted. “And you’re right. I do put everything in the context of my parents after they were mated for fifty years, not just dating or… Okay, I’ll tone it back. Maybe check with Izzy if something comes up.” He bobbed his head but then smiled.

“What?” I asked, not sure why he was smiling.

He gestured between us. “This is healthy. We’re communicating and talking about healthy boundaries and—I like this. We work well when we’re fighting for Faerie, but this is nice too.” He frowned when I didn’t say anything. “It’s not for you.”

“It’s not not for… This part gives me anxiety, Nel. All of it. Five is a lot. It always blows up. I don’t want to keep hurting all of the time. Things are finally calm, but I’m going lose my dad soon and…” I swallowed loudly and looked away, trying to hide that my hands were shaking. “I don’t want to risk going back to being scared of you or you hating me.”

“I could never hate you now that I know you,” he said gently. “Never. Even if we don’t work out. So tell me the rest. Please?”

I sighed and finished my drink as I thought about how I wanted to say what I was feeling. Then it all just came out in a bit of a ramble. Mostly it was my confusion about how he was framing things now.

We had been talking about sex. He didn’t want me to regret us having sex. That was what had been on the table, and he wanted us to have sex and not just one hookup, so… What was the rest of this? Did he want to date in secret? So not just join me in bed with my mates? And what did that mean?

If we were going to date in secret then we weren’t going to jump to sex. Lucca and I were just having dates and yeah, he joined my mates in naughty fun, but we weren’t having sex. So how would I do that with Neldor but not Lucca? That would land me in some hot water for sure.

That made it completely different than we gave in and had sex and were having sex because we couldn’t be more because people were crazy. That was what I’d thought we’d been talking about. But Neldor had talked about taking a chance on us and sounded serious about relationships and that was all different in my mind.

More serious too and just—he had always asked me to admit I wanted him, not take a chance on us. So now my answer would depend on what he was really asking me for and what he wanted.

And like what did he really want?

The look he gave me as if I’d grown another head and was maybe speaking a language he’d never heard before when I was done getting it all out made a pit grow in my stomach. I knew that look well. It was also a bit of “holy shit, she be crazy” mixed in for sure.

And I felt really, really stupid.

“Forget it,” I whispered, taking down the barrier and leaving before he even said anything, still blinking at me.

He looked almost relieved when I pushed open the door to leave as I glanced back over my shoulder. Like he’d just dodged a bullet.

Great. Well, that was one way to handle the drama and possible heartache.

Just avoid it by giving him a taste of my crazy so he bailed before anything could really happen.

Awesome. Seriously.

I wasn’t shocked that a large box of raw crystals was waiting for me in my first class. After I had accidentally invented the weather crystal, now when people felt I would change the weather around me with my mood, raw crystals were brought to me as a subtle hint to get out this magic before I flooded Kansas.

Again.

Cara and Jordan had some stocked up at one of my houses and my security knew where to grab them. Then after the weather crystals were made they were… I had no idea where they were stored. My security handed them over to Iolas and they were locked up somewhere.

As I sat there and made them to get my upset out, I had an idea and put a meeting on the books to discuss them. Actually, it could be a project for my class with Lageos as well. Or even just one homework assignment with how hard he was pushing.

And I didn’t even blame him. I needed to push my magic given how the clock was running down on us working together.

---