Page 39 of Rebel

I need her. I want her. I’m lost without her.

They always told me artists feel too much, and maybe they are right, but I have never felt this consumed by another person before, especially so fast. I don’t know how Beck Danvers did it, but she cast a spell on me, and I’m not even angry.

Maybe being with her constantly didn’t help, but I’m done fighting it.

I want her, it’s that simple, and the others can lie to themselves, but I see the truth.

They want her too.

This won’t end well, but I don’t care as I stare into her eyes.

“I texted you. Are you okay?” she asks worriedly. I hang my head in shame, wondering if she can read the truth.

We aren’t together, and she is off-limits, but it doesn’t stop me from wanting her. I’m also worried she will look at me differently if she realizes where I was tonight. I kissed someone else, even if I thought of her.

“Yeah, sorry,” I respond lamely. I always reply to her texts, quickly too. I can’t help it. I hang on to her every word. We’ve only known each other a few weeks, yet Beck Danvers has wormed her way into my heart and soul, and the idea that I could hurt her kills me. I quickly wash my mouth out and fiddle with the taps to give my hands something to concentrate on besides grabbing her and hauling her to me so I can replace Reign’s taste with hers.

She might not even want me, not the way I want her, but it doesn’t matter.

I betrayed my feelings for her, and I hate that.

“You’re bleeding,” she says suddenly, and I look into the mirror.

I couldn’t look at myself when I first came in, but now I see she’s right. The small cut that crazy bastard gave me is still bleeding. Opening the medicine cabinet, I grab a box of bandages and rip it open.

“Here, let me,” she offers softly, covering my hands. The warmth of her soft skin has me stilling, and with gentle fingers, she places the bandage across the cut and grins at me as she presses a gentle kiss to it. My heart leaps, and I know this is how it’s supposed to feel.

“It’s okay, Trav,” she whispers as she smooths her hands over it, her eyes finally meeting mine. “You don’t have to feel guilty.”

“What?” I whisper.

Her hands stop moving, just touching my neck. “You went to meet someone, right? You practically sprinted in here, so you didn’t even see me downstairs. You don’t have to feel guilty just because I’m here in your house and band. You’re allowed to sleep with whomever you want.” She drops her hands, and I instantly miss her touch.

“Goodnight,” she tells me, but I can’t let her go like this.

Before I realize it, I reach out and catch her arm, pulling her back. I need her to understand. I tip her chin back to see her confused eyes. “I didn’t sleep with someone,” I admit, and her eyes widen. “I wanted to.” Pain flashes in her eyes, and I soak it in. I deserve it. I memorize the look so I will never forget what it feels like to hurt Beck Danvers. “I wanted to so I could get you out of my head, but I couldn’t. She kissed me, and it felt wrong. It was wrong. We both knew it. She wanted someone else, and I wanted you.” She swallows and searches my gaze. “I wanted it to be you so badly, but I can’t ruin my band’s dream, not even for my own desires. I want you, though, Beck. I won’t lie about that. I want you so badly I can’t breathe when you’re around, but there is no one else and there will be no one else, because they would be a pale imitation of what I truly want—you.” I step back.

She watches me for a moment before her eyelashes flutter as if she’s coming back to life. “Who said you couldn’t have me?”

My heart skips a beat as I look at her. I want to take what she’s offering.

“I can’t. You don’t understand how much I want to, but I can’t. You belong with us, Beck, and I won’t ruin that like Chase has in the past. Relationships make everything messy. They never end well. I won’t do that to you or to them, even if it kills me.”

“You’re a good man, Trav,” she responds, shocking me. “But good men don’t get what they want in the end. Good people end up alone and sad, filled with regrets. Everything has to end, but who said when that end will be or what will happen? Stop thinking a year down the line. Just live in the present. Life is too short not to.” She comes over and kisses my cheek. “When you’ve decided, I’ll be here. I have no plans to go anywhere yet. You won’t drive me away, and if it ends badly, then it ends badly, Trav. Good things worth having always do because they are real. I want real.” She steps away. “Goodnight.”

I watch her go once more, my hand on my cheek.

Beck Danvers wants me too.

It almost shocks me to my core.

Is she right though? Can I cross this line?

Would the others forgive me? Do I deserve to be selfish for once?

What if it ends us all?

Is that my responsibility? I always protect them, protect this band . . .

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