Page 38 of Rebel

“That would never happen,” I hiss, holding him tighter. I hate the shame and self-deprivation in his voice.

“Please, Beck, I need to tell you so you understand.” Seeing the determination in his expression, I nod and sit back.

He holds my hand tighter, his gaze dropping to it. “They were a few years older, and my parents were never around, always working and focusing on the money they could bring in. My sister took it upon herself to torture me, and she made my life hell. I could survive that, even when her friends joined in, but one day, it changed. They were drinking and talking about how pretty I was, how obedient, and they bet they could get me to do anything.”

Bile rises in my throat, and tears form in my eyes at the pure agony in his tone. “They touched me. It didn’t stop that night. It continued until I was big enough to stop them and fight back. They would complain about their boyfriends, saying they weren’t as good as me.” Oh God. I swallow my vomit as he shudders. “I was a kid, Beck, just a kid. I didn’t understand. They told me it wasn’t wrong, but it felt wrong. They told me it was natural, that I should enjoy the attention, and every other boy would.”

Oh God.

“Even my sister didn’t leave me alone. She said she wanted to know what the fuss was about.” His shoulders sink. “I never told anyone, not one person, because once I realized how messed up it was, I was too ashamed. As soon as I could, I left school and home and never looked back. I cut all ties with them, but I still feel them touch me. I still see it in my dreams. It haunts me, Beck, and that’s why I never let anyone else touch me. I can’t stand it. I tried once, but when she touched me, I shoved her away and cried. I was so embarrassed, we had to pay her off and have her sign an NDA, but then you came and touched me and it didn’t feel wrong. It didn’t make my skin crawl. It made me happy. I felt like you were made to be in my arms. When I look at you, Beck, I don’t feel broken, I feel whole, but I couldn’t let you touch me again without knowing. I get it if you don’t want to. I understand, and I won’t be offended,” he trails off, still not meeting my eyes.

I tilt his chin up. His eyes glimmer with unshed tears as he waits for me to reject him, so I lean in and press my lips to his, not once looking away. I show Kolton Haynes the first act of kindness and love he has ever had.

My poor broken boy.

In this moment, I offer him a truth I didn’t even want to admit to myself, but my heart and body knew before me.

“I will always want you, Kolton. I will never push you or take advantage of you. Your sister and her friends are evil fucking bitches. I can’t believe they did that to you.” I shake my head, and his fingers capture a tear, rubbing it between his fingertips.

“You’re crying for me.” His voice is soft, unsure.

“Of course I am.” I dash them away. “I’m so fucking angry for you and what they took from you. They perverted something that can be so beautiful and made you hate it and your own body. Fuck, I want to hunt them down and—” I stop.

Kolton’s lips cover mine, trembling and unsure. When he pulls back, he blushes. “Sorry, I couldn’t?—”

Taking his chin tenderly, I give him time to back away, but when he doesn’t, I kiss him. His eyes close as I glide my lips across his before covering them. He gasps and sways into me, and I catch him, tangling my tongue with his. He’s hesitant but soon catches up. I groan as I pull away, our heads bent together.

“I’m glad my first real kiss was with you,” he whispers.

“So am I.”

Under the full moon, I wonder if I can truly destroy the Dead Ringers.

They were just a name before, a vague thought, but now they are real.

Can I truly use their pain like a dagger and drive it into their back?

If I don’t, then how can I live with myself?

TWENTY

Ifeel sick. I scrubbed Reign Harrow’s kiss from my lips, yet I still feel dirty, like I betrayed Beck. I don’t even care about what else happened or the way the crazy men with her threatened to kill me.

Okay, I’ll admit I was a little scared, but as soon as I saw their jealousy, I understood because deep down, I would feel the same way if I saw Beck with someone else.

I don’t know when I became addicted to our new band member, but I can’t seem to stop it. She’s all I think about. I wake up smiling, happy to see her. I crave her touches and her looks. Her laugh makes my heart sing, and when she looks at me with those big eyes, I’m gone.

Surging into my room, I hurry to the bathroom, grabbing my toothbrush and scrubbing my mouth as if she would be able to taste the betrayal. Reign was always fun, and as a friend, she was someone I could trust to sate my urges without it getting around. Unlike Chase, I never craved that attention or spotlight. I had no room for relationships or ever wanted one, but I had needs. I couldn’t have Beck, so tonight, I made a bad decision. I thought if I had Reign, I could forget all about the temptation living above me, but it didn’t work. Even with Reign’s body against mine and her lips on my own, all I thought about was Beck, wondering if she would be softer, what she would taste like, and if she would be jealous or mad.

I feel sick.

Beck Danvers is not mine, and she never will be. We made a deal. We need her too much to ruin this with our stupid emotions, but it doesn’t stop me from craving her, and tonight, I realized nothing will fill that void.

Only her.

I jerk my head around at a noise and find her leaning into my bathroom door, smiling at me as if my thoughts conjured her. Her eyes are red, as if she’s tired or has been crying, and her hair is mussed, yet she’s never looked so beautiful.

I stand stock-still and stare at her, waiting for her to realize the truth.

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