Page 117 of Rebel

“Beck?” The soft, feminine voice has me whirling. I swallow back my emotions as I meet Rachel’s worried gaze. I didn’t even hear her come in, but she frowns, shutting the door. “Are you okay?” she asks.

I nod, hurrying to my clothes and quickly dressing, but I feel dirty, like I need to wash those words away.

“Hey, Beck.” She catches my arms softly. “I’m on your side. I mean it. Are you okay?” The concern in her voice is real, and despite the situation on the red carpet, she looks genuinely worried. “I know we didn’t get off on the right foot, but this band is my life, and you are part of that now.”

I try to blink back my pain. “The lady who came today, is she the usual?”

Frowning harder, she watches me carefully. “No, she’s a new hire, why? What happened?”

I open my mouth before closing it again, debating if I should tell her. Not only is it my word against that evil woman’s, but I’d be causing yet more trouble, and despite Rachel’s niceness and the guys’ trust in her, I don’t know if I can trust her.

I don’t want to be weak, especially in front of her.

“Oh, nothing, was just curious.” I force a smile.

“Are you sure?” she asks. “I can go speak to her?—”

“No!” I say too abruptly. “No, everything is fine. Sorry, it was just a long night,” I offer weakly. “I’m going to shower. We have a meeting soon, right? About the tour?”

She nods, watching me carefully. “If you’re sure, we’ll meet in the kitchen. I brought breakfast and coffee.”

“Thanks.” I hurry away, needing some space.

After showering and scrubbing my skin, I find myself in oversized comfy clothes in an effort to stave off the worries and disgusting feelings I still have. I’m proud of my body. Yes, I have a few extra curves, marks, and scars, but I never wanted to be perfect.

Just me.

I hate that she put those doubts there.

Heading into the kitchen, I grab the last seat, sitting cross-legged. Chase smiles at me and pushes over a plate that has a mixture of pastries on it. Trav hands me a takeout coffee and kisses my cheek, while Kolton’s hand lands on my thigh under the table. It’s clear they just woke up and are completely oblivious, so I force a smile and stuff my face to avoid having to speak.

Rachel watches us with suspicion, so I sit up taller, pushing Kolton’s hand away, and focus on the meeting. “So the tour . . .”

“Yes.” She smiles. “Let’s run through the dates and schedule—” I tune her out. I nod every now and again and make noises, but I feel sick.

Something comes to my mind.

What if this is how it started for my sister? What if it wasn’t one person, but lots of little things that pushed her over the edge? I never considered the knives that would come for me simply for being in the position I am.

What if there isn’t someone I can get revenge on?

What if it was just this life?

After the meeting, in which I did not hear a single fucking thing Rachel said, I escape into my room, lying on my bed. We need to rehearse soon, but I need some space. I feel like my world is shifting on its axis. I know if I told the guys what happened, they would demand her head, but that won’t solve anything, and it will only make me look weaker.

I’m lost and don’t know what to do. Right now, I feel so very alone and confused. I feel like the fake I am, just a country girl playing rock star until they don’t need me anymore. My door creaks open. I don’t bother looking up, but the bed dips, and a body flops across mine. I smile despite myself, peering down at Trav’s grinning face.

“Regretting being a rock star yet?” he teases.

“No.” I reach down, stroking his hair. “Just a lot on my mind.”

“I know. You were really quiet. That’s why I thought I would check on you. Do you need space, or do you want to talk about it?” he asks softly, and that melts my heart. Despite his concern, he would leave me alone to deal with it rather than pushing for answers.

“I just want to forget about it,” I admit, forcing a smile. “You ready to rehearse?”

He eyes me for a moment, seeing right through my mask. “Look, I should have spoken to you about this before.” I stiffen, wondering where he’s going. “Me and Reign. I know it upset you the other night at the party, but you have to know there is nothing there anymore. Yes, we hooked up in the past, but only because it wasn’t complicated. Neither of us ever wanted more from each other. It was like scratching an itch?—”

“Trav.” I smile.

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