Page 3 of Princess Broken

“But that’s good, isn’t it?” Ember struggles to comprehend my dilemma.

I shake my head. “I’ll need vampire blood soon, Timur will too, and I can’t imagine feeding again without wanting to…”

“I know that feeling.” Ember raises her eyebrows a couple of times. “Even when I was human I felt a fierce pull for sex the first time that Ryker took my vein, and then when we…” Her eyes lose focus for a moment as if she’s reliving the past. “With Zuben, it was different, but still…and then with Axe…” The flush on my friend’s face grows stronger and she shifts her hips on the sofa.

It’s clear how strongly Ember’s attracted to her mates, all three of them. How much she wants and needs each one of them.

I just wish I felt the same way about Timur.

Everything Ember’s saying has reinforced my beliefs. I only wish I’d fed from Timur one last time before he told me what he did. But I can’t change that now.

Straightening my posture, I gather my courage to state my decision aloud. “I can never feed from Timur again.”

She leans back from me. “Why not?”

“Because it would be unfair to him.” I look down. “Cruel.”

“Why would it be cruel? Ana, I don’t understand.”

“Timur, he… The last time we had sex, he confessed his love for me, his romantic love.” He told me he’d loved me for a hundred years, patiently waiting for me to want him the way he wants me.

“Oh.” Realization paints Ember’s face. “But you don’t love him. Not like that.”

I nod. “And it doesn’t seem right for me to have sex with him again, or even take his vein, in case… ” My fangs tingle from hunger. My entire body vibrates, thinking about sex.

“Sex with Timur doesn’t seem right now I know his true feelings. Not if I don’t feel the same way.” And I can abstain. I did so for a hundred years.

Ember shrugs as she leans forward. “Ana, people feed and have sex without being in love—all the time. Especially vampires. It’s okay, you know. No shame there.”

I look down. “I don’t feel shame about wanting sex. It’s… I don’t want to hurt him, to give Timur false hope that someday we might be mates.”

Ember rubs my shoulder. “Isn’t that decision up to Timur then? I mean, if you’re honest with him about your feelings, and you’re both okay with…”

“Do you think my feelings might still build up over time?” Hope renews, as I look for answers in my friend’s warm eyes. “How many times did you have sex with your men before you started to love them?”

“It’s not that simple.” Leaning back, Ember chews her lower lip as she often does when she’s thinking. “It’s not like a switch went off or anything like that.”

“Do you think Timur and I just need to do it more times? Will that help?” We’ve done it at least twice a day since we’ve been here, but I’d love justification to assuage my morals.

“How many times have you and Timur…” Ember shakes her head. “Never mind. That’s none of my business. The real question is, do you enjoy having sex with Timur.”

“Very much.” I shift my hips, feeling a need grow inside me. “In fact, every time we do it, I want to do it again.”

“And does he enjoy it?”

“I think so.” He certainly seems to. The face he makes while he’s spilling his seed…

“Then, as long as you’re honest with him, I don’t see the problem.” Ember smiles softly, encouraging me to change my mind.

But now that he’s confessed his deep feelings, having sex with Timur again seems wrong. Wrong so long as I can’t imagine reciprocating his love. I may not be able to explain it properly to my friend, but feel it deep in my gut.

“Each time Timur and I have had relations, instead of feeling closer to him, I’ve felt more distant. Like I’m chasing after something that keeps getting farther and farther away.”

“Sounds like you need something Timur’s not giving you.” She licks her lips. “Do you have orgasms?”

“I…” I don’t want to answer that question because the embarrassing answer is that I’m not certain. Sighing, I lean back.

“In a hundred years, I’ve never even considered the idea of Timur as a romantic partner. I’ve only ever felt fondness, friendship, a convivial connection.” I fight to find words to describe the way I do feel about Timur and wonder if that could ever change.

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