Page 4 of Princess Broken

I look into Ember’s eyes. “Perhaps what I feel for Timur is the best I’m destined to have. My duties to the monarchy come first.”

Ember blinks a few times as if she’s trying to decide what to say. “Ana, everyone deserves love. Even princesses. And I can’t tell you what to do or how you should feel, but you should know, for me and my guys, the falling in love part didn’t have anything to do with the sex.”

My back stiffens. “It didn’t?”

She shrugs. “Sure, sex makes me feel closer to all three of my mates. And it’s hard to explain how much better sex felt once we had all fallen in love, but…” she sighs “…even if my mates and I could never have sex again, I would always love them.”

I gasp at her bold assertion, thinking it through. “How did you know you were in love?”

“It’s hard to explain.” Ember shakes her head. “For me, I feel a flutter, sometimes a hot flush, or both, when I think about any of my men. I feel like we’ve got magnets inside us, magnets that pull me toward them—physically and mentally.”

Ember’s blushing cheeks grow even darker. “I think about my mates all the time. My men, it’s like…it’s like they’re part of me, like each of them has traits that fit me like a glove to make me more whole, and…” Her eyes lose focus, and I feel sure if she were human they’d be filling with tears. “I can’t even imagine existing without my mates. I’d die without them.”

“Oh!” Longing tightens my heart. The connection she’s describing sounds amazing, but I feel none of that around Timur. And based on what Ember’s said, if I don’t feel that way after a hundred years, I might not ever.

Sighing, I lean back. Shifting my position on the sofa, I look up into the mirrors installed on the ceiling. Octavia, the former DEFTA CEO, must have enjoyed looking at herself—a lot. She had mirrors installed on the ceilings and every wall of the bedroom attached to this office too.

Staring into my reflection, I hope to find answers in my eyes, but the longer I stare, the more detached I become from my image.

I don’t even recognize myself.

Born Grand Duchess Anastasia Nikolaevna of Russia, most believe I was assassinated along with my parents, my sisters and brother, in 1918. But I was rescued, turned into a vampire and re-named Princess Anastasia by my Maker and adoptive father, King Dunkan. Then I spent the next century in the vampiric palace, waiting for the rumors to fade, rumors I’d survived the massacre that took my family. And I stayed there long after the rumors were dead. Comfortable. Until the king’s biological daughter was found, my sestra Selina. Inspired by her, I became more curious about the world and longed to travel outside the underground palace.

Now I am Princess Anastasia, Ambassador Anastasia, representing the king in a territorial dispute between vampire syndicates.

All these things are facts. Details about my past, my current job, but they don’t define who I am.

“Talk to him.” Ember’s voice draws me out of my existential crisis.

I look toward her.

She smiles. “I feel funny giving you advice. I mean, I’m like, twenty five years old, and even though you look younger than me, you’re…”

“I know, I know.” I smile too. “I was born in 1901.”

Ember tries to hide her reaction. She already knows how long I’ve lived, but she clearly hadn’t done the math and is shocked at hearing my actual birthdate.

“I may have walked this earth more years than you,” I tell her. “But you’re the one who has experience with love.” Since seeing Selina with her four mates, and now Ember with her three, a longing has awoken inside me. One that goes beyond sex. A powerful yearning to have what they have, to find my true mate or mates. And at this moment that desire’s even stronger than the sexual drive that’s undeniably erupted inside me.

“Have you and Timur talked about this?” Ember asks.

I shake my head. “I haven’t been able to find the words.”

“You need to tell Timur how you feel.” Ember takes my hand again. “As long as you’re open with him, open with each other, then maybe you can remain blood partners, remain friends without, you know, being life partners.” She smiles. “At least until one of you finds your true mate.”

“Yes. Perhaps.” Dropping her hand, I turn on the sofa and set both feet on the floor. “It’s not like me to be so indecisive, so unsure of myself.”

“Hey. Take it easy on yourself.” Ember rubs my shoulder. “It’s a lot. And like you said, you’re a beginner at this love and sex thing.”

“True.” And I need to remember that my dreams about love are incompatible with the plans I’ve made for my life, my plans for adventure, not to mention my duty to the crown. I rise.

Ember rises too, and I pull her into an embrace. “Thank you for your counsel.”

“Any time.” My friend pulls back from me, a warm smile on her face. “And good luck talking to Timur. Let me know how it goes.”

Ana

“This is beyond excessive.” I look over the group of nine bodyguards that the DEFTA executive expects me to bring to my meeting with the Mariano syndicate. “No one needs this much protection.” I don’t need any protection. I might be small, but I’m perfectly capable of defending myself.

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