Page 30 of The Summer List

I see her shaking her head out of the corner of my eye. “No. That’s done for good. I don’t even… God, it’s just so crazy, because it’s only been a few days, and I already don’t even know why I was with him in the first place. I was looking for something that mattered to me, and for a minute there, I think I really fooled myself into believing it was him.”

I stay quiet and wait to see if she’ll elaborate. She shakes her head a few more times, and for a moment, she looks even lonelier than she did last night.

“God, I wish I could just stay here all summer,” she says instead of telling me more. “Right here on this couch. I’ll give it to my dad and Sandy; they sure know how to pick a house.”

I dig my fingernails into the tops of my thighs to keep from asking her the question I spend way too much of my life asking myself: what if?

What if she stayed?

What if she really did spend all summer here?

With me?

I jerk as a shiver rolls through me.

She tilts her head. “You cold?”

“Oh, no,” I mumble. “Just…relieved.”

She chuckles. “Yeah, I’m sure the house will be much more peaceful for you without me here.”

I blink a few times before I realize she thinks I’m relieved about her leaving.

“No. No, that’s not what I meant,” I stammer. “I’m relieved about the cats, not you. I don’t want you to leave. I—”

I cut myself off with a gasp.

We both go still, the gurgle of the pool filter filling the silence.

“I just…I just mean you can stay if you want,” I rasp, my voice so quiet I’m not even sure she can hear me. “Not that you need permission. I just… If you want to stay, you don’t have to worry about me.”

If it weren’t totally crazy, I might actually believe there’s a hint of flirting in her voice when she asks, “You sure about that?”

I nod, still not meeting her eyes, and force myself to swallow so my answer doesn’t come out as a wheeze. “I don’t mind.”

“Hmm.” She sits up and folds her legs into a lotus position. “I wouldn’t want to get in the way of your summer bucket list thing. You three seem to have your hands full with that.”

A bark of laughter bursts out of me. “Ha. I think it’s safe to say we’re done with the list.”

I glance over and see her watching me with her head tilted to the side. “What do you mean? You just got started.”

“We smoked one joint, and I nearly got the cats killed and apparently incapacitated my two best friends so much they’re knocked out cold. No way am I doing anything else on that list.”

She lets out a sound I can only describe as a guffaw and then waves a hand toward me when I gawk at her. “I’m sorry. It’s just…you didn’t nearly get the cats killed. They were fine the whole time, and your friends have only got a bit of a weed hangover. I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”

I bite my tongue to keep from telling her I always have something to worry about.

“I’m just…I don’t think I’m cut out for normal teenager stuff,” I say.

Or normal human being stuff in general.

Andrea flexes her hands out in front of her to crack her knuckles and then drops them to rest on her knees.

“Normal is boring,” she tells me. “You’re not boring, Naomi.”

I glance at her face again, and this time, I can’t look away. Nobody has ever stared at me like that, like they’re trying to sear through my body to get at the very core of who I am.

For a second, I want to give her everything she’s looking for. I want to split myself open and offer myself up. I want her to know me. All of me.

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