Page 110 of The Devil Wears Tartan

She holds my waist even tighter. “Oh?”

I nod. “Yes. I might not have a job or a plan for school or any idea what the hell is going on with the rest of my life, but I know exactly what I want when it comes to you.”

She leans her face a little closer to mine and murmurs, “And what’s that?”

I don’t hold back. I don’t weigh the consequences. I don’t keep myself under control.

“I want to date you. For real. I want to be girlfriends.”

She blinks at me for so long my stomach starts tying itself in knots.

“If you want,” I add. “I know it’s fast, but—”

Before I can finish my sentence, she throws her arms around my neck and tackles me. We crash to the floor before her lips find mine. I wrap my legs around her waist and pull her to me as tight as I can, pouring everything I have into the kiss. The taste of her overwhelms me, and for a few long moments, I forget everything else.

“So that’s a yes?” I gasp when she finally lets us come up for air.

We’re both panting as we push ourselves up to sit beside each other. The hunger in her hooded eyes has me ready to push her right back down.

“Abso-fucking-lutely,” she says with a smirk that makes my thighs twitch.

I reach for her, but she takes my hands off her shoulders and brings them both to her lap, wrapping her palms around mine.

“Wait. Before we do anything else, I need to say something.”

My heart pounds against my ribs. “Yes?”

She stares down at our joined hands. “I promise I’m only going to say this once, and then I’ll drop it forever if you want me to. I just want you to hear it and take it alongside everything else you’ve heard from me today. I want you to know it comes from a place of respect.”

I squint. “Um, okay? I can do that.”

She blows out a breath and looks up at me. “You’re going to change so many lives as a social worker. I think there are a lot of people who really need someone like you, and they need you soon. You deserve to pursue your dream. You deserve everything you want because you want it all for the right reasons. So I’m going to say this again, the way I should have said it the first time. If you’ll accept it, the scholarship is yours. I’m not even convinced I want to finish university, and it would make me happier than almost anything in the world to see you go after what you want without interruption. This isn’t a pity offer. I truly believe you deserve it. You worked just as hard as I did to win, and I hope you know you have all my respect when I say I think you should have it.”

I know she’s telling the truth. I can see it painting her face like the glow from the stained glass, but a thousand protests still shove their way to the front of my thoughts, blocking out and beating down the parts of me that want to say yes.

I didn’t really win.

I don’t need help.

I have to do this on my own.

I don’t want Catherine’s money.

That last one screams out above all the rest.

“There’s something you should know.” I stare into Moira’s confused face for a moment before I continue. “The scholarship...the nine thousand dollars...it was Catherine. She made the donation. She didn’t want me to leave school either, and she was sure I’d win the competition. I guess that really backfired on her.”

I let out a bitter laugh, but Moira’s expression just gets more confused.

“If she wanted to help you, why didn’t she just give you the money?”

My laugh peters out. “Because Catherine and I...we both have some fucked up ideas about what being strong means, about staying in control and handling everything on your own. I wouldn’t have taken money from her for nothing. I wouldn’t have even taken that much as a loan from her, and she knew it.”

“Kenzie...” She squeezes my hands. “God knows I’m not Catherine’s biggest fan, but...but if she gave you that money, it wouldn’t be for nothing. You two have a...a bond. A relationship. When you care about someone like that, you care for them too.”

I don’t know if we have a bond anymore. I don’t even know if she’ll ever speak to me again. I’m angry at Catherine, and so hurt the pain is like a cruel blade still shoved in my back, but no matter what her motivations were or how fucked up her methods got, there was a time when she wanted me to have that money. Moira is right.

Catherine wanted to help me, and I am so tired of doing everything without help.

---