Page 39 of Choke Up

Please, just say something.”

Gabe: This can’t happen.

Ellis: Why not?

BLOCKED NUMBER: Because of Elliot?

BLOCKED NUMBER: He’ll be upset at first, but he’ll come around. He loves us and wants us to be happy. He loves you, Gabe.

BLOCKED NUMBER: We don’t have to tell anyone anytime soon.

BLOCKED NUMBER: I’m okay with sneaking around, clearly.

BLOCKED NUMBER: Gabe, talk to me.

BLOCKED NUMBER: We don’t even have to talk about what happened. Tell me about your classes. Make fun of me for still being so bad at skiing, I spent the entire day on the bunny slopes practicing how to stop.

BLOCKED NUMBER: None of my messages are being read. Why?

BLOCKED NUMBER: Did you fucking block me? Really?

BLOCKED NUMBER: After all we’ve been through, this is how you treat me?

Elliot: You coming for Christmas dinner?

Gabe: Not this year, staying on campus.

Elliot: What? Why? You can’t spend Christmas alone.

Gabe: I’m sick. Might be mono.

Elliot: Dude, that sucks. Anything I can do?

BLOCKED NUMBER: I know you aren’t going to see this message, but I’m exhausted and need to vent. This seems like as good a place to do it as any, since it’s about you and you’re never going to see this message.

BLOCKED NUMBER: I love you.

BLOCKED NUMBER: I’ve fucking loved you since we were ten years old, you asshole. And I think you’ve known it for a while.

BLOCKED NUMBER: I don’t know what possessed you to come into that closet with me that night at the party, or what made you decide to start an anonymous profile on Howler. But even before I knew it was you, I was imagining it was.

BLOCKED NUMBER: I think that’s why it took so long for me to figure out. Because it was all right there in front of my face, but I thought the clues were just my imagination.

BLOCKED NUMBER: Every time I was kissing Johnny, I was kissing you in my mind. I was touching you, being touched by you.

BLOCKED NUMBER: Finding out it really was you was probably the biggest mindfuck of my life. It took me days to even process it, and another few days to stop second guessing myself. But once I really paid attention, it was obvious.

BLOCKED NUMBER: I should have told you that night after the dugouts, when you came out of the shower. That’s when I knew. That’s when I should have told you.

BLOCKED NUMBER: But you hid from me for so much longer. And knowing how I feel about you? That was cruel.

Elliot: Merry Christmas, man. Hope you’re okay.

Gabe: I’m fine. Merry Christmas to everyone.

BLOCKED NUMBER: I’m coming back early. Since you’re not going to see this message before I get there, you won’t get a heads up.

BLOCKED NUMBER: If there’s anyone else in your bed when I get there, I’ll scratch both your eyes out. Just saying.

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