Page 11 of Fixation of the Mind

A cool, rough hand slid over mine. The surprise caused me to try to jerk away, but he only held on tighter. “I won't let anyone harm you, Rin.” I gazed up, finding his body turned toward me as he looked at me like I was the beginning, middle, and end of his heart. It was suffocating in a way, this crazed look of a devout worshiper, but I also kind of liked how each of them took my breath away. Maybe I was the one who was missing some marbles?

“And yet you still don’t see your part in all this.” Goddamn, this guy was a tough one to get through to. I almost felt bad for Ravi and Roux. Fighting with him would be a nightmare.

He scoffed, smirking as he faced forward. “No. I see it. I know it firsthand, but it’s a moot point. Our obsession with you is never going to go away. That isn’t something we can change. We’ve been this way for so long that it’s now a part of who we are. This is us, Rin. It's time that you figure out if you can handle us, but even if you can’t, that won’t stop us from being us.”

It was the first time he was saying something so direct without that asshole attitude of his, and it stunned me. I nodded, not knowing what else to say, because he had thrown down the gauntlet and told me to choose. I just didn't know if I could make the right choice.

As we turned off the freeway, my nerves skyrocketed at the impending doom. “Well, I guess I’ll need to answer that later because I would really like to know what’s going to happen to me when we get to this meeting. Are they going to kill me because I know too much? Tell it to me straight.” I tried to grip my hands together, but the sweat building caused them to slip around so I wiped them on my jeans.

He took a short exhale. “It was a short text, and there could be a few different reasons that they called you in today, but I have a hunch it has to do with that Ricci kidnapping.”

“Are they mad at you guys for coming to get me? Because other than that, we did very little talking.” I tried to think back, but that day now seemed like a blur given what had happened last night and this morning.

“No. They were the ones who initiated the challenge. They knew what was happening. While we’re all a bunch of trained killers, we do have rules in place for dealing with issues between the families. One of them is that the organization can’t pick favorites. This usually means that they let what happens happen, but they also notify the opposition within a reasonable timeframe. It keeps things even.”

I had to scoop my mouth off the floor. That was what they called “fair”? Damn. The more I learned about this place, the startling it seemed. “So, you all do this thing a lot?” I was more rattled than I had let on, and I just couldn't keep my mouth shut. “Capturing innocent women, interrogating them for no reason, and threatening their lives? It's just like any old day to you guys.”

He glanced at me for a second before shrugging. Well, I guessed that was my answer.

Taking a deep breath, I looked out the window and shook my head. “Alright, so I need to do the least amount of talking and take your lead. Anything else?”

The car slowed as he made his way to the end of the row of buildings, and my pulse rose, beating so hard and fast I felt a little dizzy. Trying to distract myself, I looked around. The only things in the final building’s vicinity were a train track and iron fence with spikes at the top. It was a very strategic spot, looking rundown and ragged while having the utmost privacy.

Rion was silent for what seemed like forever until we turned down a row of old-looking warehouses. “The only thing you need to remember is that Ambros is one person. Other than that, try not to lie to them.”

My mind scrambled over those words. I knew keeping their secret was a matter of life and death, so how was I going to avoid lying? My hands trembled in my lap as I realized how fucked I was. “How the fuck am I going to do that, Rion?!”

He parked the car, unbuckled, and turned to me fully. “It all depends on how you think about their question and rationalize it. You just need to separate us. Think of us individually instead of together. My uncle has worked hard to have the organization think of us as Ambros, telling them I won’t reveal my full name until the successor ceremony. This works in our favor today.”

Grabbing my hand, he squeezed it, making me look him in the eyes as he told me, “If they talk about a mission or job, think of Roux. If they talk about school or social events, think about Ravi, and if they talk about being next in line or the future of Foedus, think about me. This way, you’re not lying, and their computers won’t detect anything.”

“Wait. Wait. Wait. Computers?! I’ll be monitored by computers to see if I’m lying?!” The thumping in my chest grew louder, my breathing growing unsteady.

“Hey! Look at me.” His hand tugged my chin up, so I was forced to look at him. His hazel eyes flashed a cold blue, helping me focus on their unwavering resolve. “You’re going to be fine. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth.”

I did as he said, trying to calm my body down. Two hands gently clasped my face, making it so I could only see him. “We are going to go in there to answer their stupid questions, then get out. If things get out of hand for some reason, I will claim you as my externus. This will ensure that they aren’t able to harm you or else they’ll be breaking one of their own damn core rules, and these people are all about the rules.”

I began nodding until my mind caught on one word. “What does being your externus mean, exactly?”

His grip on the sides of my face tightened as his eyes changed from that hazel blue to a jade green. “That you are an outsider, but you’re my outsider.” He lunged forward, catching me off guard when he slammed his lips onto mine. His tongue split the seam of my lips and devoured me in one kiss, whether I wanted him to or not.

My mind finally kicked back on when he swiveled away far too soon. Pushing open his door, he stated over his shoulder, “It means I have chosen you to be my wife and the future mother to the Ambros family heir.”

What?! I kept my mouth shut by the grace of God, trying not to make a scene, but what the fuck did he just say? Wife? Mother?!

I scrambled for the door handle, kicking the door open just as he rounded the car and scooped my arm into his like he was the perfect gentleman. My instinct was to yank my arm away, but he painfully gripped down on mine, leaning in to whisper a warning. “Don’t. We need to play the part for them to believe it.”

“You couldn’t have told me sooner?!” I whispered back as I dug my nails into his arm. Two could play at the bruising grip game.

He chuckled, slamming my door shut before he pushed me up against the car. Not giving me a moment's breath, his hands skimmed my body and I shuddered. His lips moved to the crook of my neck, laying down a soft and sweet kiss. I knew I was still pissed at him, at all of them, but I had to admit that they knew what they were doing when they put their hands on me.

I bit my lip to keep any noise from leaving, and his deep, slow, dangerous voice said along my collarbone. “Is it really playing pretend?”

My mouth went dry, making it almost impossible to say anything back. At least that was what I kept telling myself as I let him kiss along my jaw, his hands palming my ass as he rubbed his long, hard length against me.

For just a second, I wanted to delve back in. I wanted to escape into this all-encompassing world of his worship and devotion. Of his body claiming and taking mine, making me feel things I never had before. It was like that with all of them, I could admit that now. I've always wanted all three of them, but they broke my heart.

Easing into him, I let him think he had me, that I was falling prey to his trap and that he would be the victor. That was when he grew wilder. Hand, lips, and tongue explored as my fingers wove through his dirty blond locks. I waited for my moment, when he was just relaxed enough, then I gripped down on his hair and yanked his head back, making him look me in the eyes. In a deadpan voice, I warned, “You're not the only one who can lie and manipulate.”

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