Page 10 of Fixation of the Mind

Chapter 4

Sitting in the passenger seat, the car was quiet since I refused to look at or speak to Rion. As soon as Rion’s phone went off, they all went silent like it was the Grim Reaper. After he told us what the text said, the blood drained from their faces. It felt like I was missing something major.

Like the calm before the storm, they each threw a flurry of curses out, arguing about what to do with me. Ravi wanted to get new identities and run away, while Roux wanted to gear up for war. I was still trying to figure out what it was that they were so worried about when my eyes met Rion’s piercing gaze.

He was sitting there, hands folded underneath his chin, simply staring at me while his brothers argued on either side of him. I barely understood what they were so upset about, so it made no sense that he’d look at me as if I held all the answers. They had to have planned how to handle Foedus before they brought me here, so why were they freaking out?

I was still pissed about everything, including what he’d said to me, so I cocked an eyebrow, taunting him. What are you going to do now, oh mighty intelligent one? It was hard for me to believe that the chief know-it-all of the bunch didn’t have some tricks up his sleeve.

“I’ll take her to them and see what they have to say. War with Foedus is inadvisable, and we can only run for so long.” He never took his eyes off me despite directing his words to his brothers. Crossing my arms, my jaw clenched, I watched both brothers open their mouths to argue, but he silenced him with his next words. “I won’t leave her side, and if it looks like they’re going to get rid of her, I’ll tell them she’s my externus. That will take away any rights to get rid of her. They’ll only be able to test her.”

This stopped his brothers from arguing. They nodded in unison, their eyes faraway like they were lost in thought. It was great that this all made sense to them, but I still didn't understand what that meant for me.

“W-w-wait!” Putting my hands up, I tried to slow them down, but it was no use. The three of them ushered me out the door and into the car, saying that the faster we got this over with, the better it would be for all of us. I felt like I was missing something.

When I tried to get out of the car, demanding to know what was going on, Rion barked, “I’ll tell you in the car. We can’t delay.”

My body stiffened, my heart pumping at a rock drummer’s speed as I crossed my arms, ready to go toe to toe with this dick for answers.

Before I could say anything, a set of gentle, hesitant arms circled my waist from behind. Ravi’s soft, loving voice cooed in my ear, “Rin, while it pains me deeply to say this, Rion is right. You guys need to go.” My hand grabbed his, ready to rip him away from me, but he just tightened his grip and continued. “Please, Rin. Listen. If you want to keep some semblance of your life, you need to trust us.”

I scoffed, and he backtracked a little. “At least trust us with Foedus. We know this organization, and if they want you, they'll get you. It's only a matter of time. If we do this right, then we can get them to lose interest in you, which means you can have a normal-ish life. We can make that happen, but you need to trust us. Rion is the one that’s handled most of the high-ranking Foedus situations, so we need him to take the lead on this.” I could feel Ravi’s gaze land on his brother. He was staring at us, lips pressed tightly together and his hand fisting the car door like he was about to tear it off its hinges.

“I wish you were going with me, that I could be there for you, but right now, he’s the best one to handle this situation. Even if he’s being a dick to cover up how scared he is.” Rion’s eyes narrowed on Ravi, his lip curling up in disgust before he dove into the driver's seat and slammed the door. Someone wasn't happy with his secrets being spilled.

Ravi took a long deep sniff as he muttered, “I need to bottle this,” before his hands unwound from my waist.

Roux was standing next to the passenger door, holding it open as he gazed at me expectantly. I sighed, unable to argue with Ravi. He was right, and with Rion’s little fit, the explanation kind of made me feel better. If Foedus was going to come after me anyway, I might as well get it over with now and see if these guys could keep their promises to keep me out of harm's way.

Ignoring Roux, I slid into the passenger side, and he shut the door as soon as I buckled myself in. Looking out the window, I could see Ravi’s concerned gaze as he bit his lip. Roux stood stoically, his arms crossed, but he never took his eyes off me. I smiled and waved at them, wanting to ease their tension before we left.

Underneath all of the anger and betrayal, I still had feelings for these men. Even after all of the lies and manipulation, which I hated, I had to acknowledge that they had done it, albeit with misguided intentions, for me. I let my emotions get the best of me this morning, but I still had plenty of questions about both the past and the present. Last night, as well as this morning, confirmed that they would never hurt me, at least physically. Mentally and emotionally were a whole other story.

Which brought me back to the present. I looked through my peripherals to see Rion white knuckling the wheel with his face set in a perpetual frown. I would’ve thought it was cute if I didn't know if it came with an equally annoying smarter-than-you attitude.

We had been at a stalemate since leaving the house, neither of us acknowledging the other. Given the situation, it was pretty petty because I really did need to know what I was walking into. After a few minutes of calming myself down, readying myself to talk to him without any attitude, his no-nonsense tone broke my concentration.

“When we get there, don’t say anything. I want to do all the talking. Also—”

I interrupted him with my teeth clenched so hard I thought they would break. “Rion. You need to adjust the way you’re talking to me. I am not an underling, nor am I a doll you can control at any moment.” I turned to face him. “I get that you’re used to being someone in charge, but so am I. I’ve been living on my own for a while, so hearing you bark orders at me like I have no choice in the matter only makes me want to rebel against what you say, and that won’t help us.”

His eyes widened, his perplexed expression meeting mine when he looked at me, then back at the road, obviously torn between having a face-to-face conversation and driving. “Rin…” He paused, taking a long inhale before continuing. “Usually, in times like this, my brothers default to me since this is my area of expertise. Having you question and combat every step is…”

His eyes narrowed, causing his forehead to wrinkle, so I decided to help him out. “Annoying? Infuriating? Want to kick something?”

The side of his mouth lifted before his eyes slid to mine. “Something like that.”

For the first time in a while, I gave him a genuine smile. I took some sick kind of pleasure in pissing off the ice-cold man in front of me. It was like a badge of honor at this point.

“Good. Mix in a whole ton of betrayal, and you'll finally have a taste of how I feel.”

The grip on the wheel creaked as he hissed, “I was trying to bring us all back together. You belong with us, Layrin Smith.”

Something about him saying my whole name had my heart pumping in the opposite direction than what I was feeling. Just that small indication that he knew me, that he knew all of me and yet still wanted me, was playing tricks in my mind.

I mumbled, “It wasn't the fact that you brought me here that bothers me so much.” His green-blue eyes found mine for a second before he turned back to watch the road. For a second, one pure unadulterated second, he looked happy.

“It was all the lies. The things I found in your bedrooms connected to the past that haunted me,” I waved my hands frantically in front of us, “now my hopeful future seems to be disappearing by the second.” My hands landed on my thighs with a thud, suddenly tired of talking, of explaining myself to a brick wall.

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