Page 48 of Fixation of the Mind

“Thank you.” Her wobbly voice had me wanting to stab someone, hurt someone. A lot.

Opening the car, I placed her in the passenger seat, where she curled up into a ball. Silent tear tracks continued, and I gripped the car so hard my nails hurt. “Need to keep you safe,” was all I said as I buckled her seatbelt and closed the door. I took a full breath, running both hands through my hair before I circled the car. This might be a show for my uncle, but it was very real for the rest of us. At least I was sure our uncle would be pleased, which would get him off our backs for a little bit. It was all about the little things.

Rin stopped crying about an hour into the three-hour drive. I almost jumped out of my seat when she sat up, wiped her tears, and stared out the window.

I didn't know what to say, what to do, to make her feel better. Completely at a loss, I had moved to turn on the radio when she spoke. “What did he put you guys through?”

Leaning back, I blew out a big breath. That was a loaded fucking question.

The human conscience inside of me begged me not to tell her, to spare her from the pain of knowing what had happened to us when we left her. It wasn’t remotely good. Some would say it was downright horrific, always filled with darkness and pain. The monster I’d been crafted into told me she needed to hear something that made her feel less alone.

“Rin, this story isn’t going to be good. In fact, it's quite gruesome. The stuff that nightmares are made of.” I was trying my best to dissuade her, but I knew that if this was what she truly wanted, I couldn’t deny her.

She turned those blank, empty-eyed face on me. “And you think I’ll be spared nightmares tonight?”

I don't know if it was the feeling of faliure that was riding me hard or her expression, but my eyes watered without my permission. Just as one drop spilled over, she caught it with her thumb, staring at it before putting it in her mouth. I was so confused. Lust and heartbreak rode side by side, and I realized that only Rin could do this to me. Could make pain feel so sweet.

“Fine. I guess it's only fair." I sucked all my emotions up, trying to smile at her like everything was going to be okay. “We saw your first kill, so I should tell you about ours.” She faced me fully, and my cheeks grew hot. “I'm going to keep my eyes on the road, so… don't distract me.” She nodded, as I worked up the courage to keep my word.

“We didn't get a lot of outside time before the age of fourteen. Those four years were spent crafting our skills. It was a lot of pain manipulation, using physical pain as an incentive. We were young enough that it worked on us for a while, but then we got older, more defiant, and he needed a better way to keep us in check.”

That was when we had our first lesson that pain wasn’t the worst thing that could happen to you.

“We eventually found a way to escape the compound and sneak into the nearest town. For the first time in years, we were able to meet people outside of our uncle and his few goons. It was the first time the three of us split up, wanting to explore different things. Rion helped an old lady at a local shop, Roux met some rowdy boy and started a fight ring with some kids our age, and I snuck into a movie theater I stumbled upon.” Fingers tightened on the wheel as I remembered her wide, innocent brown eyes. “I ended up meeting the young daughter of the owner. She would sneak me popcorn and call me big brother.”

I took a breath, and in the brief silence, memories I hadn’t visited in a long time flooded my brain. At first, I found her to be annoying, her being only eight while I was a big man at fourteen. I tried to threaten her into leaving me alone, but she just giggled and sat down next to me, telling me facts about the movie. It was the most wholesome relationship I’d ever had. She was the one who’d taught me what it meant to fangirl over someone thanks to her next-level love for some boy band I’d never heard of. She taught me what it meant to be completely devoted and obsessed for the love of your life.

“Once we had made deep enough attachments, our uncle confronted us at the escape route with a few of his men. They dragged us back, not into our rooms, but to the training hall. They tied us up so tight I thought my arms and legs would break.” Rubbing my wrists at the memory of pain, I continued. We cried, promising him we would never leave again. “We were so afraid of the pain he was going to inflict on us we didn’t pay attention to the three hooded bodies he brought in.”

I looked at Rin, needing her strength. Her face was still neutral, but her eyes gave me the compassion I needed to strengthen my resolve. “He laughed,” I spat. “I can still hear his full joyful laugh in the back of my mind.” Switching my gaze back to the road, I took a breath and continued.

“He lifted the first hood, and under it was the old lady Rion had been working with. He began beating her up, hitting her over and over. Her cries of pain filled the space around us while blood sprayed the floor. Rion fought against his restraints, swearing to do whatever our uncle asked if he would just stop, but he didn't. He tortured that woman until she was within an inch of her life, then he moved to the next one.”

My throat went dry, and I gulped. “It was Roux’s friend, just a boy. He cried when my uncle took out the crowbar, beating him until his ribs cracked and his head was bleeding badly. Somehow, he was still breathing. Roux was the same as Rion, begging and screaming, but that only egged our uncle on. I remember the way his eyes lit up, enjoying every moment. Once the boy was crumpled on the floor, half dead, he yanked the last hood.”

Taking a shaky breath, I whispered, “I already knew who it would be.”

I heard a soft exhale, so I turned to see Rin’s silent tears, tears that I’d always refused to shed, and they made me feel better for some reason. At least someone was crying for my young friend since I couldn’t.

“He did the same to that girl… to Emily.” That was the first time I said her name out loud since that night, and while it pained me, I also felt lighter.

I choked out, “I can still hear her cries sometimes. ‘Big brother, help me. Save me.’ I couldn't do that. I watched my brothers fall apart, watched the way my uncle reveled in the blood and the pain, and I decided that I couldn’t do that. I couldn't give him the satisfaction he wanted. Each time he hit her, I told her I was sorry, lying to her with each promise that it would be over soon. That only seemed to make my uncle angrier, so his hits became harder, which meant her time of suffering was shorter.”

My head was pounding, and I realized I had ground my teeth so hard it was making pain radiate up from my jaw. Letting out a breath, I continued, just wanting to get this story done and over with. “Finally, our restraints were cut off and guns were placed in front of us. He told us we needed to kill the people we had affection for, that we needed to pull the last straw of their lives and keep them with us forever. He needed us to do this to show we were ending our rebellious stage of life.”

I gave her a small side smile, trying to lighten the mood. “We looked at each other and nodded, taking up the guns and shooting them at the same time. As they slumped to the ground, finally free of him, of us, we made a silent vow that we would kill that man, and when the time came, it would be vicious and mind-numbingly painful.”

“Good!” Rin yelled. Tear tracks had dried on her face, but her eyes were filled with a vengeful rage. I remembered those days when the rage was so strong I couldn't control myself. Now, only my feelings for Rin made me lose control, but it was nice to see all the same.

“Yes, Rin, but our uncle is crafty.” I tutted. “So, while we are making plans to take him down, they need to be perfect. There can be no way for him to get out of it. We’re waiting ‘til Rion gets instated as head of the family before we make any of our moves.”

“Yes. I could see how that would be the best plan. Less power for him to manipulate.”

God, she was so fucking cute, her smart brain thinking away. Her hand grasped her chin as she nodded, staring out the window. It reminded me of Rion a little bit.

He didn't want us to loop her in until after her test, not wanting to add to her stress, but I felt like she would appreciate my honesty. “When Rion passed the test at eighteen and the other council members talked about him taking over as the Ambros heir, our uncle was enraged. He threatened to expose us as triplets, so the two ‘spares’ would be disposed of.” Her audible gasp had me smiling again. It was nice to be cared for. “Basically, he wants Rion to be his puppet, so he’s held that threat over our heads. Rion had to agree to be head of the family in name only, in order to keep us safe.”

Her body shook as her anger increased. Her face was flushed and twisted up. “That asshole! Of course Rion would tell your uncle yes. He wouldn't put you guys in that kind of situation, I’m sure there was no other way of turning things around. The more I hear about your uncle, the clearer it becomes why the council would never want a man like him to be in power.”

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