Page 50 of Toxic Wishes

“Black coffee, light on the cream and sugar.” Colt sits down, his knees brushing mine. I’m sure we look ridiculous sitting across from each other. Colt was 6 2”, and his legs took up all the space under the table. Dominating over my 5 3” frame. Well, I was five two and three quarters to be exact, but I always rounded up. It was easier, and in elementary school, they always told us to round up if the decimal number was greater than .5, so I did.

“Coming right up,” the waitress said with a smile as wide as the moon. Josh was supposed to join us, but he texted me late last night, letting me know he wouldn’t be able to make it. I knew he was taking advantage of the summer break, enjoying no burden of morning classes and routine. I couldn’t blame him. If my parents were paying for all my shit and welcomed me home with cooked meals, smiles, and recognition, I would milk that cow as long as I could too.

“Are you hungry?”

That question felt so loaded. I was always hungry. Having an eating disorder wasn’t like any other disease. It’s a mental illness more than anything. Humans had to eat so every thought could be surrounded by food. And to ensure I kept the black sloth at bay, I had to eat stuff I knew wouldn’t make me feel guilty.

If I did, then I would torture myself by adding on an extra hour of cardio at the gym or my head in the toilet.

“Toast with scrambled eggs is fine.”

“I’ll order when the waitress comes back.” He’s short with me, and it only pissed me off more since this was his idea.

I nod. Fidgeting with my napkin. I didn’t know exactly what he wanted to ask me, so I waited for him to speak first.

“Let’s just cut to the chase. Obviously, you guys met at the hospital, but how did you and Blake become friends?”

Shit, I knew Josh would have spilled the beans sooner than later.

“What else did Josh tell you since I do not need to be here, apparently.”

“Nothing. Josh didn’t know Blake; he had just heard the story years ago about how he died, and he knew he had a drug problem. Josh never knew you two went to high school together. ”

“And you did?” My eyebrows pinch together

“No, but it’s not that hard to figure out. Blake was emotional and wrote a lot of his feelings down.”

“How do you know?” I say quickly, trying not to appear weak, not even in the slightest, so Colt doesn’t think he can intimidate me easily.

“I get to ask the questions, sweetheart.” His lips curl into a devilish grin, and for the first time, I notice a faint dimple on the left side of his cheek. A vision of Blake's smile comes to the forefront of my mind, sending a bullet straight to my heart. Even hearing him say, sweetheart, was like throwing acid in my ears. That’s how much it hurt hearing a voice so similar say a word that brought back so many memories.

I roll my eyes in annoyance. “Yes, we went to high school together. It’s how we became friends.”

“Were you ever going to come forward and tell me you were there the night he died if we never met through your cousin’s Baby shower?”

“Probably not,” I said honestly, getting the notion he enjoys a little rebellious streak in a girl.

“He wasn’t your biggest fan. I didn’t think you deserved it.”

He nods, surprisingly accepting of this fact.

“What about my dad, or who I like to refer to as, the sperm donor. Was Blake not fond of him either?”

“He was, until he started catching on that he was a narcissistic asshole too.”

He almost smiled, it was a ghost of one, hiding behind that beautiful face of his. But I saw it.

“Let us start from the beginning. When did you guys start hanging out?”

“We met in the hospital around our birthdays. We were in the ninth grade. He had the same lunch hour as me, so sometimes he would join me for lunch to make sure I was eating since…”

I trail off.

He nodded again, understanding where I was going with that sentence. I decided last night I would be truthful with Colt. It didn’t matter that he was an egotistical prick. If anything, yesterday proved that he cared for Blake. The man damn near held me hostage in my own car, demanding this meeting and answers. But at the same time, it’s not like I could ask Blake if he was okay with this, so I needed to be choosy in my words and share the least amount possible while giving his brother closure.

“How bad was it? His drug addiction.” Colt asked. The pain marrying his face was so raw it sucked the breath out of me.

“He wasn’t happy, not really anyway.” I took a sip of my coffee to swallow down the lodge in my throat.

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