Page 20 of Pucks and Likes

I’ll find out after dinner.

As she walks away, I swear I hear her mutter, “You’ll more than likely not want to sleep with me anyway.”

But surely that’s not the case, because nothing, and I mean nothing, in this world could make me not want her.

CHAPTER 9

Elliot

Me: I can drive.

Alex: Just tell me where you’re living. Are you out at Davenport’s place?

Me: No. I’ll meet you there.

Alex: It’s a date. I’m supposed to pick you up.

Me: While I appreciate your gallant effort, I just moved and I’m not settled in my new place. I’ll meet you there.

Alex: Tell me where you are. I want to pick you up.

Me: No, because you’ll want to “walk me to my door,” and then you’ll charm your way into my pants.

Alex: Wait, you’re wearing pants tonight? You know I’m a heathen when you wear a skirt. Easy access.

Me: Which is why I am not wearing a skirt, you heathen.

Alex: Fine, wear pants, and I’ll charm my way into them by your car outside the restaurant, and we’ll have round two in the back seat.

Me: I told you, I’m not hooking up with you. This is about clearing the air.

Alex: Sure, there will be talking, but things are clear, Elliot. I want you and miss you. Pretty clear to me.

Me: Nothing has changed. I don’t want a relationship.

Alex: I think if you gave me a chance, you’d change your mind. Now, stop throwing up your walls. I’ll see you there.

I have no clue what the hell I am doing.

I’m going through every emotion known to humankind, and I’m unsure what is wrong and what is right. One second, I’m excited to spend time with him. I have missed him. He’s such a charming bastard, it’s hard not to. I enjoy laughing with him, and when his arms capture me, I’m done for. But then, he’s going to be pissed that I’m pregnant. That I hid it. That I’m ruining his life. Even if he did want to be in our child’s life, I know I can’t give him what he wants. I can’t let the fact that he’s knocked me up cloud the truth—once he knows my past, he won’t want me. Who would?

I press my hand to my stomach.

My baby will.

Tears blur my vision at how fully I believe that. I didn’t have a good relationship with my mom or even my dad, but my sisters… I would die for them. That’s how I feel about this child growing inside me. Do I have any clue what I am doing? Not even one. But I will love the shit out of them. I will give them everything my parents didn’t and everything my sisters did. Add in that my sisters will spoil this baby rotten, and I know my child will be happy.

Not knowing how Alex will play into that has scared me for long enough. I have to be honest.

Jesus, I still can’t believe that Alex touched his child but had no clue they were there. I want to say that is the reason I agreed to dinner, to come clean. But the truth is, I have missed him. I love his naughty words and his quick grins. I love how he feels against me and how, when he looks at me, it’s as if I’m the only one in the room.

When I tell him, though, I’m sure all that will change.

I won’t even have to tell him my past. I’ve fully deceived him and kept something huge from him.

I am the lowest of the low kind of cunt.

A tear falls, but I quickly brush it away when the bathroom door opens and Clara comes out. “I love that bathroom. Coleson has some good taste.”

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