Page 162 of Something So Strong

At the first break in the buildings, I duck into the alley. It was a stupid move. I knew it the second I wasn’t surrounded by protective bodies, but I can’t turn around.

I sprint to the back laneway between the streets, and, like a fucking coward, dive beside a dumpster and hold my breath.

There’s nothing but ambient noise for long enough that I think I’m in the clear.

I dare to reach for my phone to call Jesse, and when I do, the sound of snow crunching beneath heavy feet joins me.

“If you’re who I think you are, I know you’ve gotta be back here hiding somewhere.”

I cover my ears again, but every move he makes sounds like lightning striking until the thunder comes in and crashes against me with its roaring crescendo.

“Well, well, well. If it isn’t my faggy little friend.”

He’s here.

He found me.

I don’t want to look at him. But I can’t close my eyes, and I can’t look away.

“Figures you’d be cowering in a corner.” Looking from his left to his right, he scratches his nails across his short beard, then squats in front of me. “Though I’m quite offended you haven’t offered me a warmer welcome.”

My lunch gurgles in my guts, but I keep my mouth shut tight.

“Come now, Kai. Aren’t you gonna say hello?”

Against my better judgment, I close my eyes in the hopes this is just another one of my nightmares. But when I open them, not only do I still see Josh in front of me, but I can feel him too.

I want to rip the skin from my body and tear out my nerves so I don’t have to recount each agonizing moment in real time.

My face, my ribs, my hands, my everything. It all aches just as much as it had back then. But what hurts most of all is how pathetic I am. I lost track a long time ago of all the different things I planned to do to Josh if I ever saw him again, and when the opportunity presents itself, I revert back to the five-year-old little boy who ran and hid in his closet the first time his dad hit him. Because I’m a pussy.

Plain and simple.

If I can’t even stand up for myself now, I don’t deserve to live. And I definitely don’t deserve Jesse. I may as well be left here to die, just like I should have in that fucking park.

“You know.” Josh stands and puts his hands in the pockets of his jacket. “Age usually goes hand in hand with knowing what proper manners are.”

Words weigh heavy on my tongue until they become too much to hold. “Fuck you.”

After nine years, that’s the best I can do.

“Ooo. Such big words for a big man. Do you think those tattoos make you tough?”

“Just fuck off.” Even with all my energy, I can’t manage more than a whisper.

“Oh, yeah? You want me to fuck off?” With a ridiculing sneer, Josh kicks my legs and I have to uncover my ears to stop from falling on my side. “Why should I?” He steps closer and leans against the wall above me with one hand. “I thought we could have some fun together. For old time’s sake.”

“Millie knows I’m here,” I blurt out.

Even in the dark, I can see the devil enter Josh’s expression. “You keep her name out of your fucking mouth.”

“Why should I?”

The muddy, wet sole of Josh’s boot is forced against my shoulder. “Because I’ll break your fucking neck if you don’t.”

I grit through the pain of his heel grinding at the socket. “You scared she’ll leave you for me again?”

His leg swings back and aims at my chest. Bracing my arms for the impact, he stomps down on my right hand as it sits over my heart. Then he retracts and hits the same spot again, leaving me gasping for air with nowhere to go.

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