Page 57 of Hiding from Hope

Before I can finish that sentence and ask what she’s doing here earlier than I had expected, her small body wraps around me tightly and she shudders in my embrace. Sobs leaving her lips as she cries into my chest.

I wrap my arms around her and kick the front door closed.

“What happened? What is going on, Ace?” Panic grips my chest and her knees almost buckle as I feel her weight drop. I reach an arm below her knees, bridal carrying her through my apartment. I sit on the couch with her in my lap and hold her. No responses leave her, instead she just cries and hiccups through her breath.

I try not to push, but uneasiness sits heavy in my stomach as I wait out the sobs. Eventually, they begin to slow, and I lean back, bringing a finger below her chin to look into her deep ocean blue eyes. Filled with only joy and mischief not two hours ago, they suddenly are filled with a deep aching sadness that makes the rage in me wake and rumble, wanting to ruin whatever or whoever did this to my sunshine.

“Talk to me,” I beg her in a whisper.

“Grace. She… I just… it hurts, and I don’t know how to fix it.”

Casey is a people-pleaser. Probably to a chronic level, and I know this sense of helplessness in her stems from watching someone she cares for break and only being pushed away instead of being allowed to help. I just don’t quite know how to tell her that this isn’t hers to fix. To stop trying and she maybe won’t hurt so much.

I just want her to stop hurting, and fuck do I want to storm over there and tear shreds off that witch for making Casey cry.

My Casey. My sunshine.

“Maybe you just let this one go. Don’t force it and don’t fix it.” Instantly, I regret the sentence as she pulls back from my grip on her chin, her brows furrowing.

“She’s my sister, Jessie. I’m not going to abandon her.” The pinkness returns to her cheeks as she swipes angrily at her tears.

“I didn’t say abandon her, but you can’t change her, either. Give her some space. Or ask her how to help. But you can’t keep turning up and doing the same dance and expecting a different outcome.” I try to say it as gently as possible, but by the look on her face, I’m failing. She pulls herself out of my lap and stands like she is going to leave, except I’m instantly there.

“She is my sis—”

“Your sister, I know. But she isn’t your problem.” I step into her space, her stance strong as she stares angrily up at me, and as I raise a finger to swipe away one of her tears, her face softens. The contact of her skin is warm and inviting, and I want it all over me. To feel her everywhere.

“She isn’t your problem, Casey. You deserve as much happiness, respect, and love as she does. Don’t reduce your wants and needs just to fit hers. If she can’t see how special and amazing you are, then that is her loss. She’ll come around. Maybe just give her some space.” She blinks up at me, but doesn’t lose her frown. Instead, I trace the frown lines with my fingers until they soften and she leans forward, resting her head on my chest.

“I’m so tired, Jay,” she breathes, and my body relaxes as she fists my shirt and holds me close to her.

“I know,” I whisper back, rubbing circles on her back.

A brief pause. The comfortable silence between us always settles my mind, bringing me a peace I can’t seem to find anywhere else.

She takes a large breath and just as she lets it go, she whispers, “Why haven’t you kissed me again?”

This time I’m caught off guard by her words. Pulling away slightly, I look down as she looks up. Those same sad eyes hit me.

“Do you want me to kiss you?” I ask back, but she gives away nothing. Steel determination in those big blue eyes, it almost makes me chuckle. So, instead, I ask her, “Why haven’t you kissed me?”

“Because you’re not ready for me.” Again, she whispers, and where I’d expect shyness is only confidence. Because Casey Baker knows exactly who she is and never apologizes for it. Still, her response once again catches me off guard. While I have no idea what we’re doing or what is going on in my head, I couldn’t care less how complicated this gets. I’ve got a feeling she’s all I’m ever going to want. Ready or not.

“And what if I kissed you now?” I grip her lower back and push my body into hers, running a hand across her cheek to push a hair behind her ear and holding her in place, my lips dusting hers gently as I speak the words. Her eyes hood and her chest rises with her breath.

“I’d let you, anyway.”

Casey

Jessie’s lips are on mine in a blink. Instead of the rushed and desperate passion our last couple of kisses have been, this one is soft, delicate. Loving. Our lips are sealed until his tongue dances with mine, and I breathe a soft moan that he steals. I grip his shirt tighter, trying desperately to eradicate all the distance between us, to feel him on me. His hands leave my face, trailing down my body, and in a flash, I’m off the ground, my legs instantly wrapping around his firm waist, his lips never leaving mine.

The room is quiet, nothing but the sounds of our lips, breath, and moans as I taste him, feel him, and savor him. My back arches on instinct, unable to stop from squirming, searching for friction, for more. Instead of the counter, which holds a very specific appeal right now, he walks me blindly to his room. Kissing the absolute shit out of me, I wrap myself as firmly as I can around him, and when the door is closed, the room darkened by the closed shades, he slowly and gently lowers me to my feet in front of him.

“You better tell me to stop.” I’m practically panting. He better not stop. Shaking my head and taking a step back, retreating to the bed, I watch as Jessie becomes the predator I’ve been looking for. He takes a step forward, never allowing the space to grow between us.

“What do you want, Casey?” I can’t tell if he means right now or between us, but I get the feeling it wouldn’t matter what my answer was. He’d give me everything I asked for right now.

So I ask for what my soul shouts for. After everything with Grace, I am so exhausted from trying to be everything for everyone. I am done anticipating everyone’s wants and desires, at least for right now.

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