Page 56 of Hiding from Hope

“It’s not your job to make it better.”

“I meant with you and me. I don’t know how to be a better sister. I’m sorry for whatever I’ve done that’s hurt you. I just want to be good with each other again. This distance hurts,” I say gently back, trying as hard as possible to be sensitive to her situation, but also aching to have a relationship with my sister.

“Stop trying to fix everyone and everything around you and we’ll be just fine, Casey,” she says in one breath. I just nod at her, but the awkward tension in the room doesn’t dissipate.

“Okay.” I rub gently on her leg, trying to give her some affection in the only way she seems to allow it. I love her. I know she is hurting, and watching her hurt like this makes me just want to cry again.

I don’t know what the heck is wrong with me, or when I became like this. I used to have a great handle on my emotions. I could bundle them all up and let them go on demand once a month as needed for an outlet.

“Well, I’ve stocked the freezer for next week. I know that Evan isn’t going to be home. I’m only a phone call away. Maybe we could have dinner together a couple nights a week?” I ask, except I must have said something wrong again because a humorless laugh makes its way out of her mouth as she pulls her legs from me and sits up. Shaking her head, she levels me with a look of hatred.

“I’m no insolent child who can’t take care of herself. I don’t need you mothering me. Did you forget I’m the older sister?” She doesn’t even wait for me to answer, she stands from the couch and storms for her room.

I’ve had just about enough of this.

“Grace, for the love of god, stop walking away from me,” I shout after her, losing my grip on my emotions.

The apartment is so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Grace has stopped, but her back is still facing me and I see her shoulders rise with her erratic breathing as she works to calm herself.

“All I want is to love you. Why won’t you let me?” I ask, blinking back the sting in my eyes and willing myself to hold it together.

She spins slowly and those same angry eyes stare coldly back at me.

“You shouldn’t be so desperate, Casey. It’s not a good look.” Her upper lip curls slightly in disgust before she continues to storm back to her room. I see movement at the corner of my eye and watch as Evan’s face drops, looking at me apologetically.

I grab my bag from the counter on my way out and angrily swipe at my eyes. Before the door to the apartment slams behind me, Evan stops it.

“Casey, I’m sorry, she… she has just been upset. Please don’t stop trying. She is pushing everyone away, and she really needs us right now.” My chest feels hollow, my heart aches, and I just want a warm blanket and a good cry, but I nod at him and try to paste on my most positive smile.

“I’d never give up on her, Ev. She’s my sister,” I whisper before I turn and leave. Heading for somewhere that feels warmer.

Jessie

“You’re right, you’re not in the red, but the projection also isn’t good. Without an increase in cash flow soon, a relatively large increase at that, in order to still make a profit, you’d have to look at selling in at least the next three to six months. Maybe eight, if you’re lucky.” Ethan’s grim delivery about the shop’s finances floats through the phone and makes my skin prickle.

“And if I don’t?”

“Well, if you don’t sell, you’ll end up being forced to close in twelve months, at most. Because without that injection of funds, the business will begin to lose money, and it won’t be worth enough to cover your losses and make a profit in selling. Look, I hate to be the one to give you that information. I just hate to see you go down with the ship.”

I grunt in response, and he keeps going.

“Looking at it, the sales are good. You just need more, mostly with the books. Have you thought about an online store, more traffic that way? Maybe a new building so you could expand the selection?”

“I can’t afford a new building. Otherwise, I would have done that already.” Hadn’t thought of the online store, though, that isn’t half bad.

“Say you do accept the developer’s offer. Maybe you can have them sweeten it and allow a settlement to link with you finding another building?” Another idea I hadn’t thought of.

I grunt some sort of response, feeling the early seeds of failure take root. I’ve been running this business for five years, I should have thought about these options already.

“Think it all over, anyway. If you have any questions, I’m happy to help you out. You wouldn’t need to make any decisions for at least another month. Unless the developer’s offer has a deadline,” he gives, and before I can answer, there is a light knock on my apartment door.

“Someone’s at the door. Speak to you later. Thanks, Ethan.” I mumble the end, and a light chuckle hits me from his side before he responds.

“Anytime, JJ.” And the call ends.

Shutting the laptop and storing the papers back in the cabinet by the reading chair, I head for the door and swing it open.

“Casey, wha—”

---