Page 15 of Hiding from Hope

“Isn’t that what the instructor is for?” He looks at me, puzzled. And I still look at the damn omelet. I wonder what he puts in it to make it smell so good?

“Well, no, they need someone for us to practice our moves on.” I look back to his eyes and I feel like I’ve been busted reading porn.

“Would you like an omelet, Case?” he asks on a sigh, defeat coating his tone. I bury my neck in my shoulders, biting my lip to smother my grin as I nod. But instead of making me a new one, he pushes his plate across to me.

“Oh. No, I don’t want—”

“Just eat it.” He leaves no room for argument and that smell leaves no room for my protest. I take his fork, dig a piece out, and shove it right in my mouth. I close my eyes because the taste is sensational, and I’m officially jealous.

“Okay, this has no business being so delicious! What do you put in it?”

When I look up at him, he is leaning back in his chair, a peaceful smirk on his face as he brings his coffee mug to his lips. He shrugs and just says, “Secret. Can you not practice on each other?” It takes me a minute to understand he has changed the subject back to the self-defense and is not talking about us practicing anything on each other. Which I was surprisingly ready to accept, regardless of what it was.

I mean, that would make sense, but the instructor had said we should see if we could get a guy to volunteer, show women a more accurate representation of what it would be like to try to take on a man rather than another woman. Not that women can’t also be strong and tall. But the strong and tall men are typically who we are protecting ourselves from, so we should probably learn with a strong and tall man. I don’t say any of that. Instead, I just take his rejection in stride and stand to leave, but not before polishing off his breakfast. If he is going to be rude, then so will I.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to. Noah said he might be able to get Caleb to do it.” I give him a tight smile and he stands quickly.

“Wait. I didn’t say no. I was just trying to understand why you needed me.”

“But you don’t have to. It wasn’t really you than it was just a man who was tall and strong.” And Jessie is certainly strong. He winces at my words but recovers quickly as I stand there wondering if he has like ‘I go to gym’ muscles, or if it was the kind of muscles that are honed by labor. Given the hobbies, it is likely the latter. Just naturally occurring muscles, the kind that are earned from dirty, strenuous work.

Good god, get it together, girl.

“When do you need me?” He ignores everything else I say and the way I’m probably peeling his shirt off with my eyes.

“Today at three?” I say softly and he stays standing, his omelet I finished all but forgotten, and he walks the four steps between us and stands directly in front of me, his frown in place, his messy hair tempting me to tame it with my fingers as that same vanilla-sandalwood wraps itself around me.

“See you at three,” he says, so low. A deep baritone that makes my mouth feel dry. I nod quickly and dart out of the door without a goodbye.

I jump around on the mat, loosening up my limbs and rolling my neck to warm up my shoulders. This class isn’t typical for a yoga and meditation studio, but it felt typical for empowering women, and that’s really what I’m in the business of. Giving women the movement of their body, the control of their mind and now, with this, the confidence and strength to protect themselves, too.

I quickly check my watch and notice the time is 2:50pm. He isn’t here yet, but he said he would be. And he said we were friends, too, so he’ll come. I shake my head.

It doesn’t matter if he comes or not; the guest was a suggestion, not a requirement. And, anyway, he has his own life. I’m only being an inconvenience by dragging him out in the middle of a workday.

I check my watch again. 2:51pm.

I really don’t recognize this version of myself. Don’t understand what any of this means, so I chalk it up to needing to have an emotions day so that I can get back on track and focus. I mentally prepare myself for that day to be tomorrow. It’s a Sunday. I have no plans. Addy is away with Noah, and Rosie… I’m sure she’ll keep herself busy.

“Lovely to see you ladies here today. I’m so glad you’re here and ready to learn to protect yourself, give yourself strength…” the instructor claps his hands together and displays a gorgeous smile as he continues, “and, of course, have some fun.” The women in the room giggle, but I’m certain it is less a reaction to his humor and more a reaction to cover the effect I’m sure this man has on women everywhere. Did I say hot? Because holy handsome.

The door opens and closes from behind me and instructor Dan smiles gorgeously again. I wasn’t going to look because, damn, Dan. But then vanilla and sandalwood wrap around me and I can’t even help myself. I turn toward the door and Jessie has his eyes locked on me. He has a soft smile on his face, and it brightens my whole day to see that he actually came.

“You’re here?” I ask as he comes to stand next to me. He looks down at me for a couple of seconds, his eyes scanning my face.

“I told you I would be.” I force myself to swallow, and instead of answering, I just give him a smile and we turn our attention to instructor Dan.

“I assume this will be our volunteer today?” Dan asks.

Jessie nods and throws a hand up, pulling his face into a forced smile to the rest of the women around the room. I see the way they also light up at seeing Jessie here, and as I take in each of their reactions, some kind of strange possessiveness overtakes me, and I have to actively tamper down the need to stab a flagpole on Jessie, “This one is mine. I was here first!” I quickly shake away those thoughts. Jessie is here to help the class as a whole. And in any event, he isn’t mine to claim.

Dan moves us each through a warmup and some starting positions before he pulls Jessie to the center to go through some practiced maneuvers.

“Okay, we’re going to walk through some of the more common ways that you might have to defend yourself against someone. I need one of the ladies to volunteer, and I will walk you through the movement with our pretend attacker here.” He says with his hand on Jessie’s shoulder. Every single hand in the room flies up and my jaw hits the ground. I almost want to chastise them for being so goddamned eager. My hand, of course, is down, and Jessie stares at me like I’m a dummy and should have beaten everyone to the punch. Now I feel like a horrible friend because he is already uncomfortable in big social settings and now, he is going to have to fight off twenty horny women who look at him like he is a piece of meat. He does look delicious.

“How about I start? I’ve done a few of these before, and maybe it’d be good for the girls to watch first,” I announce, stepping forward while still actively shoving down the cave woman who wants to get on all fours and bark at the women gawking at JJ.

Relief passes over Jessie’s face before his cool indifference is back. Dan nods and gestures for me to walk forward, placing his hands on my shoulders to gently direct me in front of Jessie. I watch as his body goes rigid, his eyes staring at the place where Dan’s hands rest on my shoulders. His face pulls into something mean, but only for a second. The moment he looks back to my eyes, it’s gone.

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