Page 82 of Falling for Fury

“With everything I am,” he says without hesitation.

“Then tell me.”

He takes a deep breath, and then his deep chocolate eyes hold mine. “After the crap about EcoX, he ended the call with a goodbye to whomever he was speaking to, and I quote, ‘Isa, baby, don’t worry. I’ll always look after you. You and me forever. I love you, too, sugar.’” Noah looks like he is going to be sick. I feel like I’m right behind him. The white fury turns red and floods my veins as I try to breathe through it. I have no idea how to expend any of it, but I need an outlet, need somewhere to put it. I stand from the bed, my heart racing, breath coming in fast as I pace the room. “Addison?” That dirty motherfucker, God! I could go for another round of smacking his jaw with my fist.

You’ll never learn a work ethic, always entitled and wanting what you don’t work for.

You leave a secure job at a law firm to sling shots like some hussy at a bar. No child of mine would work at such a venue.

If anyone here is entitled, it is fucking Henry. Fancy him belittling me, throwing me down a peg, when he shouldn’t have even been on the ladder. That two-bit no-good lying, deceiving motherfucker. Or rather, secretary-fucker.

My rage makes my brain lose it. I can’t understand why it’s out of control, and by trying to control it, it just gets worse. I can’t handle it coursing through my veins, can’t deal with the way it makes my chest feel like it is about to explode. My fury mixes with my panic. Panic that has absolutely no business showing itself right now, but again, it doesn’t discriminate. Before I know what’s happening, I have my keys in my hand and I’m in the lobby of the apartment strolling towards the front doors, a Greek giant on my heels.

“Addison, you’re freaking out, I get it. You can totally freak out. But can you tell me where we are going so I can at least make sure we freak out safely?” He seems out of breath, and I stop and turn on him, suddenly needing that solid grounding he was always able to give me.

“I need… I need an outlet,” I all but growl. He swallows, looking satisfyingly terrified, and he nods, pulling out his phone.

“I know just the place.” That lazy sex-smirk appears on his gorgeous face and something like nostalgia or longing warms my chest briefly before the rage sinks its teeth back in.

Noah

We arrived at Rage Cage, and Addison wasted no time getting settled in her destruction. I decided to stand to the side; better she have as many items to break as possible to give her fury an outlet. I wish I could help her, wish I knew how to take it away so she didn’t feel this suffocating rage that takes over her. All I know to do is to just stand here, and I will. I will stay here, or at her apartment, or at her work. I will stay and stand or sit wherever she needs me, for however long that is, whether she wants me close or at a distance. I don’t care how it is, but she will know that she has me, and that I am not going anywhere.

Her shouts and screams of rage mix with her tears, the ache and the pain of her expelling all that anger is like a nail to my chest. No words leave her mouth, just the sounds from deep within her soul that result from her pain. This time I don’t try to coddle her, hold her, or calm her down. I let her be in it. Exist in it until she tells me she is ready. Honestly, if the source of her rage and pain wasn’t so raw, her face and growls would almost be adorable. The deep scrunch of her eyebrows, the soft pink flush of her cheeks, and her plump lips pulled into a pout.

I send off a text to Rosie and Casey, thanking them for letting me in. Despite the warning look Rosie threw in my direction, I’m glad they gave me the time, whether I deserved it or not. I let them know that we aren’t at the apartment but I have her, will take care of her, and I’ll text them later. I also message JJ, who has been surprisingly communicative about Addison.

Rosie’s text comes back at the same time.

I gulp and shove my phone back into my pocket, bringing my attention back to Addison now that the crashing has stopped. She stands in the middle of the room, her back to me as her breaths come in fast. I still, unsure when or if to break the tense silence, when Addy moves first. Her hands release the bat and she falls to her knees. Her back shakes from her sobs and this all feels very déjà vu. I go to her, falling to the ground with her, and pull her to me, holding her tightly to my chest as she cries. The kind of cry that hurts, a cry that would break hearts, and I rub circles on her back to let her know she can cry as long as she needs.

“I’m so over this. Crying all the fucking time.” Her words are low, remnants of her rage still there.

“There is nothing wrong with a healthy display of emotions, shortcake.”

“There is healthy… and then there is me.” I can’t quite tell if that was an attempt to add humor, but to avoid any issues where my balls are removed from my body, I refrain from laughing and continue with my circles.

“You needed the outlet. This is just your body getting rid of all the bad shit and giving your rage a place to run rampant. Whether there are tears or not, this is healthy. This is what you need. It’s okay to give yourself what you need, to hell with what anyone else says.”

“I don’t understand.”

“What don’t you understand?”

“You.”

I pull away from her then, to see her eyes, and the anger in her emerald green eyes pierce my soul. She is so fucking beautiful. “What about me confuses you?”

She gestures to my body, her eyes searching mine. Pain, so much pain behind them my chest clenches. “Why… why are you still here? Why do you hang around? Why bother spending all this time trying to fix me or attend to me? Standing by while I melt down. Why waste your time and your energy on someone who is a raging psycho bitch? I don’t understand what the fuck you get out of it. But I don’t want to be someone’s pity trophy. I don’t want to worry about how all of this is going to affect you or how it impacts you. I don’t want to hide or tame myself. I just want to be able to feel freely without anyone judging me or being scared of me. Fuck.” She works herself up into another state as she stands and starts to pace the room. Her words hurt, but I deserve them. “I know you said you made a deal, and that is why you couldn’t tell me, but you still lied, and you did it with ease. Don’t tell me it’s not because part of you isn’t scared of how volatile I am, because it’s everyone else’s excuse. Admit it—”

“That’s enough, Addison.” My voice is low but commanding, and I stand, towering over her. It’s enough to get her to stop the accusations. It’s about time I clear a lot of that up.

“I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. There is nothing to fix about you because you are not broken, nor are you a raging psycho bitch. What you are is a stunning, intelligent, and strong woman who has a furious fire in your soul that protects you. I don’t hold you as a trophy. I hold you because I love you. With everything in me. You have my heart entirely and I never want it back. It’s yours.”

“But you lied. You lied so easily to me. Who’s to say all of this isn’t just some other lie for you to humiliate me with later?” Her meeting my commanding tone with her wrath does nothing to dissuade me. She sets a fire in me that makes me want to burn the world for making her feel so goddamn fucking small.

“I never did that with ease, Addison, and I never lied about loving you. I never lied about never leaving you. I can’t begin to explain how much regret I have for hurting you and making you question your trust in me, but don’t you dare brand me with that. You hold a lot of rage? Fine, I’ll take you in every single way that you are, I want nothing else. I don’t think you’re volatile, Addison, and you’ve never once scared me off, but fuck it, you want to believe those things, then fine, believe them. I’ll be right here to remind you every second of every day that I love you, anyway, because exactly how you are is perfect for me.” My breaths are harsh now, her tears are seeping slowly down her cheeks, and that contagious rage is catching on as my anger thrums in my body. Vibrates through her lack of faith in my love for her, in the way people who were meant to love her have damaged her to the point where she no longer believes she is good. It causes me so much pain that she can’t see herself the way I see her. So fiercely strong and so incredibly beautiful.

“I’ve never needed another person the way I need you, and I’ve never been given someone else’s heart the way you gave me yours. I have never loved the way I love you. You’re it for me, Addison. I want you, or I don’t want anything at all.”

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