Page 19 of His Dark Desire

What the fuck do I do now?

CHAPTER 8

Hazel

My knees are weak as I throw up—the fourth time this week. God, what the hell is going on? I shake my head, I already know what's going on, I'm just too chicken shit to find out. I'm scared that what I'm thinking is true and then what'll happen?

It's been eight weeks since I walked away from Joe. Eight weeks since we had sex and he made it clear that nothing was going to change. I don't have anyone to blame but myself. I wish things were different, but they're not. He's married and that's something I knew. I was an idiot for thinking a married man would walk away from a woman he's been married to for more than two decades. I'm the fool and there's no going back now. What's happened has happened and while I wish that I was strong enough to say no to him the night of the event, I wasn't, and now we're here.

I haven't seen him at all in the past two months. I've been working from home. Hiding from him. I really don't want to see him. I'm trying really hard to push through each day. I need the distance; I need the space. After we had sex those feelings that I felt intensified, and I've fell so fucking hard for him. I'm in love with my boss and by falling for him I've made the biggest mistake of my life. I don't know how the hell I'm going to push past this, but I do know that I will. No matter what, I need to get over Joe Raineri.

Once I'm feeling better, I get to my feet and rummage through my drawer under the sink. My fingers wrap around the box I purchased yesterday. I had bought them just in case, hoping and praying that it was just a bug I had, but I know better than that. This isn't a bug, this is so much more. I throw up and then in a few moments I feel better, that's definitely not a bug.

I open the box of pregnancy tests and take them. Not one, not two, but the entire box. I need to know for sure. Once I'm finished, I start a timer and wait.

I have no clue what's going to happen if it's positive—something I know that it will be—I'm not ready to be a mom, I never thought about having kids. Not to mention, Joe's already got a kid, she's my age for crying out loud. How the hell would this work?

My heart starts to race, and my palms begin to sweat. I'm freaking out. I begin to pace, trying to sift through all the thoughts in my head. God, what the hell am I going to do?

My cell buzzes as the alarm sounds. It's time. I glance at the sticks that are lined up.

Fuck. Pink lines. Every. Fucking. One. Of. Them.

I'm pregnant. Shit.

What happens now?

"What's going on?" Briar whispers as she crouches down in front of me.

My best friend is the best. She's been calling me all day and I haven't been answering. I needed a breather, some time to think about what I plan on doing. Of course, Briar being Briar isn't going to let that happen and she came to my apartment and let herself in. This is where she found me lying on the sofa still in my pajamas watching reality TV.

"Sweetie, you're scaring me." She runs her fingers through my hair, offering me comfort and love.

I swallow hard. God, why is it hard to say the words? "I'm pregnant," I whisper back, closing my eyes not wanting to see the disappointment in her own.

I know that when my parents find out they’ll be disappointed. I never wanted this to happen, I had so many plans, so many dreams. I wanted to be married, have an amazing job, have my life on track before I even thought about children. But sometimes life doesn’t always go the way you expect.

Growing up I loved life, I was loved, my parents adored both Becca and I, they showered us in so much love and affection that it showed me the way I wanted to be a parent—to have two parents so in love and so happy—that’s what I wanted and now look at me. I’m pregnant by a married man.

How stupid am I?

"Oh sweetie," she says softly. "How are you feeling?"

"I've been throwing up in the morning, as soon as my head hits the pillow, I'm fast asleep. I'm so damn tired. It's what made me take the test." I open my eyes and see that she's watching me intently "I wished it wasn't positive, but they are."

She raises a brow. "They?"

I grin, despite how scared I am, I grin. "I took a couple."

"Couple?"

"Maybe five," I whisper. "That's what was in the box."

She throws her head back and laughs. "Oh Hazel," she giggles. "You're funny, one would have given you the result."

I glare at her. "It could have been lying."

She shakes her head, all the while laughing her ass off. "So, what happens now?"

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