Page 91 of Textbook Romance

‘They would have so much fun. Or you could dump them with me, and I’d find you a nice island resort next door?’ I tell him.

‘That could work.’ He smiles, pointing at me.

I make the tea, bringing it over, and we both hear the boys roaring next door. ‘Facetimes and Christmas, yeah?’

‘Of course. I mean, you love our Facetimes from the supermarket, no?’ he jokes.

I don’t think he quite realises it’ll be those little inane calls which will make me miss them less. ‘By the time I get back, they’ll be all facial hair, hormones, proper deep grunting voices.’

Dom mimics how he thinks they may sound. ‘Then just like that, they’ll turn into you.’ I punch him playfully. ‘I can think of worse things.’

I laugh under my breath. We quietly sip at our tea.

Dom looks down at the table, his face tense with emotion. ‘I never thanked you enough for all you’ve done for me and the boys. You gave us a lot of your time.’

‘You make it sound like a chore – it wasn’t. I have good memories. Remember that time when they were babies and we took George to the doctor because we didn’t think a baby should shit with that much force…’

‘Or volume,’ Dom laughs. ‘God, the kid was like a sewer. The doctor thought we were mad. Yes, Mr Damon – this is what babies do. They shit like the clappers.’

We both laugh to think about those exact words the doctor told us. We were two blokes absolutely winging it, but we made it. Those children are alive. They are absolutely rubbish at football, but we kept them alive, and they’re happy and curious about the world.

‘I mean, I’ll come back and see you guys. You know that, right?’ I tell him.

‘You know, you don’t have to… right?’ he answers.

I look at him slightly affronted.

‘I mean, pop in and keep in touch. I won’t mind a postcard to know you’re alive but just keep moving, yes? Live…’ he says, his words weighted with emotion. ‘Don’t look back wondering how we’re doing.’

I don’t know how to answer him, so I just punch his arm again.

‘I’ll expect you to fly back when I need a babysitter, though. Actually, I’ve got a date coming up with the school-run mum. Finally.’

‘Did she ever get a picture of your dick?’ I ask.

‘She did. That selfie stick you got me for Christmas was very handy.’

I choke a bit on my tea. The boy will be fine. I hope.

‘Speaking of gifts, did Zoe get your tree?’ he asks me.

Zoe and I didn’t exchange gifts at Christmas. It didn’t feel right, so I worked out my leave at school quietly and left Griffin Road Comprehensive without much fanfare, spending the Christmas period with the boys eating my weight in cheese and binge-watching box sets. However, I realised I needed a final gesture. Dom teased me mercilessly that the tree was almost too romantic. No other man would ever stand a chance. But it felt like the right thing to do. I didn’t want the last gift I got her to be a pair of paperclip earrings I got for a fiver from Etsy. It still hurts to say her name, to think of the very sudden way that it all ended, but at least she’ll know that I wanted to end things on a positive note. I shrug my shoulders. ‘Courier said it was delivered but I haven’t had anything from her.’

‘I’m sorry that never quite worked out,’ Dom says quietly.

‘Yeah,’ I say, picking at a peeling part of our kitchen table, trying to mask how devastating that really was, thinking of the weeks after it ended where I felt like I’d been punched but was still lying flat out, completely blindsided by it. ‘I just really liked her, you know?’

‘I know. I think she really liked you, too, you know?’ Dom tells me. He looks into space, trying to recall something. ‘You know, when we bumped into her at football, she said some things. I’ve been trying to piece it together. But bottom line, I think she never wanted to hurt you, she just wanted what was best for you. You are fucking marvellous, you know that, right?’

‘We know that, it doesn’t need to be said out loud,’ I joke.

He laughs. ‘To be fair, she was very nice and actually very pretty. She didn’t know that, though, did she?’

‘What do you mean?’ I ask.

‘She didn’t think that about herself. With the whole bad husband thing, I just got a feeling that she never backed herself.’

‘Pretty accurate, really.’ I think back to someone who would just quietly swerve compliments, who never realised how amazing she really was and that still makes me sad. I hope she works that out one day.

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