Page 50 of Textbook Romance

I pause for a moment to take in her face. In my early twenties, I had a lot of one night stands to fit around life being an uncle to twin babies. I sought out sex to sate a physical need, rather than look for relationships. This could be because I saw how Dom experienced real loss – maybe I was too scared to get too close to anyone. But being here with Zoe sparks a different sort of feeling.

‘You’re fucking beautiful. Just know that I think that much. I hope you can feel that way about yourself, too.’ And I feel her body relax, I see the shallows of her throat gulp deliberately. She scrunches up her face, trying to downplay what I just said. ‘And don’t you dare swerve that,’ I say, putting a finger to her lips.

‘Just give me time to take all this in. It’s just… I was with someone for a fair few years. And now there’s you and you’re…’

‘Don’t say young.’

‘A different sort of package, shall we say? It’s new and it feels…’

‘There are issues with my package?’

‘Surreal. Like, while you had a little doze, I’ve just been lying here, contemplating whether that happened or whether I had some out-of-body experience.’

‘I will take that as a compliment.’

She laughs again but there’s still a bewilderment in her eyes, not really knowing how to label this. Maybe we don’t have to.

‘Do you have anywhere to be tomorrow?’ I ask her.

‘No? You?’

I shake my head. ‘Then have a sleep. Let me hold you. I’ll be here when you wake up if you still want me here and we can make stuff up as we go along? Maybe?’

She nods, curling her body into mine. ‘Maybe,’ she says, her eyes closing. ‘They have a breakfast buffet here. There’s an omelette station…’

‘That might be the sexiest thing anyone has ever said to me,’ I whisper into her ear and she falls asleep, in my arms, her curls resting against my arm. I kiss the top of her head protectively, but I’m wide awake, wondering what the hell I might be feeling.

TEN

Zoe

I NEED ALL THE DETAILS BECAUSE JACK IS NOT REPLYING TO HIS TEXTS.

I stand in this rather large hotel bathroom and look at myself in the mirror, just wearing my knickers and Jack’s t-shirt, looking over Mia’s message. I splash my face with water. I don’t know how to answer her. Maybe I should tell her I don’t know what she’s talking about. Jack? Didn’t see him. I’m not wearing a t-shirt that smells like him. I haven’t inhaled the t-shirt. I just had a lovely time in my giant bathtub and ordered pizza and cheesecake for one in my hotel room and watched Graham Norton. What did you think happened, Mia? I didn’t have sex FOUR TIMES with Jack. I didn’t get naked with him. His penis was nowhere near me. He didn’t have my nipples in his mouth. I certainly didn’t come so hard that I apologised profusely to the furniture in the room because I was in some complete state of shock.

I stare into the mirror at the woman standing before me. My curls have always been unmanageable but now they’re frizzy and unkempt. This doesn’t quite feel real; that I have to cup my mouth so Jack can’t hear me laughing, tears filling my eyes. You just had sex, Zoe. With a really good-looking young man. I’m torn between telling the world but also just wanting to savour that moment on my own for a lifetime. Look what you did, Zoe Swift. Fucking well done, girl! For some reason, I feel myself punch the air and do a little dance to myself, all in full view of this bathroom mirror. Maybe I should thank Mia and Ed for being so very sneaky, for leading this horse to the water so she could have a long cool drink.

I don’t quite know what to do now. We woke early, had lazy morning sex. Again. And since then we’ve been lying there, chatting. He showed me a scar on his left leg from a school snowboarding trip. He went through his social media to show me the time when he was nineteen and bleached his hair. In return, he asked me questions. He asked me about some woman who I almost forgot existed. I remembered my favourite ice cream is coffee and my favourite holiday was back when I was at university when I went with Kate to Marrakech and we nearly bought a monkey from a man who had it hidden in his trenchcoat.

Jack? Jack from school? Is he OK? Why?

I reply to Mia.

I’ll keep her hanging for a little while. I feel I need to tell someone, though. Beth? Kate? Maybe I’ll ring down to reception? I re-open the bathroom door and stand there watching Jack as he lies half-naked in bed, the sheet over his waist, flicking through the brochures from the hotel spa as his head rests in his arm and the curves of his bicep appear clearly defined. I did that. Christ. And I bite my lip trying to hold in my giggles. This still feels like an unreal experience that he’s there. He stops reading to look up at me and smile.

‘Have you had any texts from Mia yet?’ I ask him, propping myself up against the doorframe.

‘Just Ed. I’m ignoring him. I texted my housemate, Ben, to let him know I’m alive, though,’ he says, holding his phone up. He pouts. ‘You’re out of bed,’ he says, patting the space next to him.

‘I was just going to have a shower, freshen up. I fancy breakfast,’ I inform him.

‘By my calculations, breakfast will be available for another hour or so,’ he says with a cheeky glint in his eye. ‘I have a feeling you haven’t had a chance to languish for a while.’

‘Languish. That sounds like something people do when they’re dying of typhoid.’

‘I find it can be a wonderful means of restoration.’ I would focus on his words, but he moves in the bed so that I can see the curve of his arse through the sheets. I’m not sure what’s come over me, but I want to bite it. I don’t think that’s right.

‘I just need a moment to… regroup…’ I tell him. ‘Outside of that bed.’

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