Page 51 of Textbook Romance

He laughs. ‘Well, did you want to do anything outside of here? We could grab some food? Maybe go for a walk.’

And for a moment, I stare into space thinking of life beyond this room. A panic comes over me to think of my kids. How I’ve not really thought about them for the last twelve hours and I don’t know if that makes me feel guilty. How I quite liked being here with Jack in this little sex bubble, how it’s provided escape, connection, joy – something I so desperately needed. I just don’t know how this exists outside of these four walls. I sigh deeply.

‘Breakfast, first. I need coffee,’ I say, reaching down to take off his t-shirt and throw it at him. I guess if we’re going to be seen outside of this bubble, it starts with the omelette station.

I guess there’s a certain sort of clientele I would expect to see at a hotel breakfast buffet. We’re in Central London so I assumed tourists, some families and possibly a businessman enjoying some grapefruit segments with a laptop open trading stocks with Tokyo. However, as I walk into this very well-lit room, I see a wall of fruit displayed to the right and remember we’re in a spa hotel. The order of the day is resting in jacuzzis, wellness and mud packs. It means that the clientele of this particular breakfast buffet is ninety percent women.

‘Mr and Mrs Rogers, welcome,’ the waitress tells me as I give her our room number.

Oh, shit. I’m supposed to be married. Will it matter that we’re not wearing rings? Maybe that’s just not our bag. I feel Jack reach down for my hand and we follow her through the restaurant, several pairs of eyes on us as we head for a table by the windows that reach from ceiling to floor, revealing a bright London day to us, the clouds clearing over the skyline.

‘Everything available is on our menus today. Can I point you towards our detoxification tea? It’s a brilliant start to the day and our granola is made in-house. Let me know if you need anything else,’ she says.

I nod and her eyes bounce between the two of us supposed newlyweds. We didn’t make much of an effort in terms of make-up, dress and hair, we just seemed to be living off some sex afterglow where nothing else mattered. Jack just threw on a t-shirt and jeans whereas I literally have last night’s dress on and some hastily applied mascara, my hair bundled messily on top of my head.

I open up the menu. ‘There was us thinking we’d get a big greasy fry-up and it’s mainly egg white omelettes and chia seeds,’ I joke.

‘Salvia Hispanica,’ Jack says.

‘Is that like Huevos Rancheros?’ I ask.

He laughs. ‘It’s the Latin name for chia seeds. They’re a flowering plant in the mint family, native to Mexico.’

‘He studied botany.’

‘The lady remembers correctly.’

He looks over at me and smiles. He has that sort of youth on his side where he doesn’t look tired, more sexy dishevelment. All I know is that we stood next to each other in the lift down here, both of us facing forward, catching our reflections grinning at each other and for a moment, I didn’t really care what I looked like. However, being in this room now, the feeling is different. There’s a large table behind us that look like they’re on some girls’ weekend. All of them look rested, like they’ve been steamed and massaged to within an inch of their lives. One of them wears the sort of leggings that define the actual crack of her buttocks, her stomach is on show, and she rests a zip-up hoodie over her shoulders.

‘You don’t look relaxed?’ Jack asks me, studying my face.

‘There’s a lot of women in here,’ I mumble, looking down at my menu. I’ve never seen a longer smoothie list.

Jack scans the room. ‘You are correct. It’s me, the omelette man, two waiters and the gay couple in the corner.’

‘They could be friends, even brothers.’

‘He’s got his hand on his thigh. I’m going with couple. Oh dear,’ Jack says. ‘They caught me looking. Say something funny.’

‘Something funny?’

Jack laughs and takes my hand. I guess to signal to the gay couple that he’s attached, fake married even. I giggle in return.

‘So why are all these women making you stressed?’ Jack asks.

‘I sense some of them looking, trying to work us out, possibly checking you out?’ I say. And just like clockwork, the lady with the very revealing leggings walks past our table, and I glance up to see her trying to catch Jack’s eye. I don’t know how to react but Jack snickers as she walks past.

‘You noticed that, too?’ I say, pulling a face.

‘Zoe. You think I’m going to dump you at a breakfast buffet for someone wearing indecent leggings?’

‘Well, no… but…’

‘Because I’m looking at her and it screams high maintenance, attention seeker. She’s videoing the buffet which tells me she’s some sort of influencer. I don’t think I’m meant to be with someone who takes selfies with fruit salad.’

His gaze doesn’t move from mine, and I smile back. ‘I am going to see if they do some sort of coffee in this place. Can I get you a cup?’ he asks sweetly.

I nod and watch as he leaves the table, several pairs of eyes following him as he does. I wonder how this looks to other people. Do we appear mismatched? Do we look married? Are they judging me? I try to work out the big group behind us and see one of the group is wearing a big badge on her jumper with a ‘40’ on it. It’s a birthday gathering. The lady on the badge looks up at me and smiles. That was me three years ago. But it wasn’t. Kate took me to Zurich for the weekend. And I think back to a time when Brian gifted me a card that told me he couldn’t wait to be around for the next forty years, and he gave me a bracelet with my birthstone in it. We then went out for a posh dinner. I had sea bass. I need to get rid of that bracelet.

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