Page 75 of Textbook Romance

‘You look happy.’

‘I took the kids to Brighton for the weekend. It’s our thing. In the summer, we take the train and spend the day on the pier, eating chips, riding bumper cars. I’ve done it ever since they were little.’

‘They’re lucky. Those are nice memories to have. You’re a good mum.’

She scoffs at the suggestion.

‘Zoe, you’re swerving again,’ I say, annoyed at her.

She shrugs her shoulders. ‘I think it’s just most mums don’t know if they’re doing a good job. We muddle through, we do our best. Come at me in ten years to see if those kids have got through life and are decent members of society, then I’ll know if I’ve done my job.’

She looks at the photo with me and I see a more misted emotion in her eyes.

‘You’re worried that the separation has scarred them a bit,’ I say.

She swings her head around in surprise that I’ve read her so instantly. ‘Well, yeah. But maybe that’s Brian’s weight to bear in all of this.’

‘True. I mean it, though. I’ve only seen glimpses of you as a mother, but I see your concern for them, I’ve heard how you talk to them. They’re lucky to have you.’

She bites into a cookie so she doesn’t have to absorb the compliment and nudges me in the ribs. I guess the other thing from glancing around this place is seeing how they’ve carefully removed all traces of Brian. I expected a photo or a bill with his name hanging around, but nothing. I’m glad that he doesn’t linger but I am curious about someone who’d throw this away so quickly, especially over someone who just gave me some pretty unlikeable vibes. Zoe goes round to take a seat at her kitchen counter as I continue to move around the kitchen, taking in all the details: a pair of her dangly earrings in the fruit bowl, a pile of exercise books on the counter, a mug by the sink with a big yellow Z, a spice rack running low on cinnamon. I go and take a seat next to her.

‘Having a good look around then?’ she says, sipping her tea thoughtfully.

‘Just piecing it together. Will I get a full tour in a bit?’

She laughs. ‘Yes. I suppose you want to see the bedroom.’

‘Presumptuous,’ I say, taking another sip of tea. ‘But yes.’

‘That can be arranged.’

‘Wonderful.’

I help myself to a cookie. She looks at me thoughtfully, perhaps less tentative than that night in the hotel.

‘So… have you had sex in public before then?’ I ask her, sipping on my tea casually. She chokes a little on her biscuit, refusing to look at me.

‘I had sex on a beach once on holiday,’ she admits.

‘Sandy. I got a hand job at a festival once.’

‘In a tent?’

‘No, in a crowd. I was off my face.’

She laughs under her breath. ‘Who was on the stage?’

‘A DJ. Is that awful? It was a very long time ago.’

‘Was she facing you?’ Zoe asks, frowning, trying to work out the logistics of it.

I get up out of my stool, standing behind her, just off-centre. ‘It was sort of…’ I guide her hand down to my crotch. ‘She didn’t have eyes on the situation.’

‘Then how did she manage to move her hand? Her arms must have been super bendy?’ she says, mimicking the motion.

I look down at her hand and smile. ‘I mean, if you wanted to simulate the situation for your own curiosity, you could put some light trance on.’

She laughs but fumbles around looking for the buttons on my jeans. I can be game for this. I pull my trousers down, my penis pretty quick to react in this situation as she manoeuvres her wrists, trying to find a position, giggling as she twists her arms around and her fingers are wrapped around my cock. I won’t lie. This is better than the festival situation as back then that girl was so drunk, I was scared she was going to yank my nob off. I lean forward, putting my chin to her shoulder.

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