Page 46 of Textbook Romance

I put a hand to the air. ‘Don’t say young.’

She smiles serenely before explaining herself. ‘Then you have a very free, uncomplicated life and mine is less so. It comes with a very new separation, kids, and I’m a big bag of confused emotions. I just don’t think it’s fair… to you.’

I smile and lean into the table further, placing a hand on hers.

‘This is you being nice again. Thinking of other people and not yourself. What do you want?’ She sits there in silence, looking down at my hand. ‘I mean, we can talk about the weather. If that’s what you want. We can chat about the probability of it raining tomorrow. We can finish up here and I can leave you, in peace. We can just keep chatting. We can forget that kiss ever happened. If that’s what you want.’

‘I’m just… the other option. I don’t know how to do that…’ she mumbles.

‘What would the other option be?’ I ask curiously.

She shakes her head at me, laughing. ‘You know. It’s like in a film. I’d give you a wink and my hotel key, and then we’d get handsy in the lift and then you’d come to my room… and it would be a complete debacle.’

I roar with laughter. ‘It would, would it? A debacle? That’s a word.’

‘Jack, I’ve had sex with the same man since I was twenty-one years old. I don’t know what you think I can do or what you expect but I am terrified of you.’

‘Of me?’ I smile. ‘Little old me?’

‘Little?’ And we both burst into giggles, still leaning over that table, our heads inches away from each other. ‘Zoe, all I would expect is to be able to share space and time with you.’

‘Space and time… Like a maths equation.’

‘Exactly. Would you like me to say something about angles now? I know maths is your thing. Maybe square roots?’

And I can’t describe that feeling I get when I make her smile and laugh like that. It’s addictive, to hear that sound and see her face crease into all those lines, to know I’ve done that. She stops laughing to lean over and downs the rest of my whisky. She chokes a little and then steadies herself.

‘That was neat.’

‘It was.’

She looks me in the eye, nervously finding her words. ‘You should come and see the bathtub, at least. It lights up.’

‘It does? Cool.’

And she nods, getting up from her chair, waiting for me to follow.

NINE

Zoe

FUCK.

It’s the only word that echoes in my head as I stand here in this lift with Jack. I can’t even look at him. If he touches me, I won’t know what to do. I may implode. I still don’t know what this is. He’s just coming to look at the bathtub because admittedly, it is very funny. I am being presumptuous here. He might get in that room, look at the view, have a peek in the minibar and not really fancy it. And then we’ll possibly shake hands, and he shall go home. I am, however, super grateful that I had a long soak in that bath and had a shave and a tidy. I only hope that when goes to look at that bathtub, I gave it a rinse. Of all the things for my mind to be preoccupied by right now, those are the thoughts. He’s looking over at me. I’ve seen this scene in a film. They kiss in the lift and then the door opens and an old woman peers in disapprovingly or someone pushes an emergency stop button and stuff happens. Stuff. I really hope that bath is clean. I look back over at him as he puts his hands through his hair. He’s in his trusted brown boots, a black shirt with a few buttons undone at the neck, a grey wool coat, jeans that fit a little too well. I should stop looking at his legs, thinking about what his legs look like.

‘Why do you look so nervous?’ he asks me.

Because I’m worried there are my old armpit hairs straggling in the bath.

‘I’m not nervous. You’re just coming to see my bath.’

He smiles. There is something about his smile. Before, I noticed a nice smile, one that belonged to a handsome face but now his smile is a whole feeling, a conversation, and it makes me smile in return, it makes me hold my breath for a few seconds.

The lift door opens, and he puts a hand out so I can lead the way. Fuck. Room 224. He walks a step behind me and I reach into my pocket, rubbing my thumb against the key card. You can do this, Zoe. I put the key card into the slot and the light pings green. I’ve seen this scene in the film, too. I open the door, he backs me onto the wardrobe and then we lead a trail of clothes to the bed.

I don’t give Jack a chance to do that.

As soon as I open the door, I just don’t turn back. I march quite meaningfully into the bathroom, kicking some knickers under a desk on my way, so I can have a look at the bath before he does. I don’t know what he’s doing but I can sense him behind me, softly shutting the door.

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