Page 63 of Cowboy and the Convict

“J?” Devon’s voice was hesitant. “You good?”

She sucked in a breath, knowing what she had to do. Hopefully it wasn’t too late.

Turning to Devon, eyes on his chin because she couldn’t meet his gaze, she forced out the words she had to say. The words that would make sure he didn’t chase her or ask her to come back. “I can’t do this.” She swallowed, trying to smooth over the wobble of her chin. “I don’t want to be with you. It’s not working for me.” The second she finished cutting into his old wound, she pushed past him, practically running for the door, kicking herself for always taking her shoes off.

“J.” Devon was right behind her, voice getting sharper and louder each time he called for her, so all she could do was grab her coat and boots, not pausing to put either on as she flung open the door and rushed out into the cold. The snow soaked into her socks as she ran to her car, refusing to look back as Devon continued calling her name.

There could be no looking back. No second guessing.

Once again her heart was broken. Once again it was time to move on.

And once again, it was all her fault.

24

Devon

"HEY, MAMA." DEVON crouched down to scratch the black cat, who now resided in his barn, behind one ear. "How are you doing today?"

She meowed up at him, leaning into his touch, purr loud as it rattled around her chest.

"Sounds like you're doing good." He smoothed down her spine before standing. "Glad one of us is."

It'd been almost three weeks since Janie walked out of his kitchen and out of his life. He thought at some point the ache in his chest would begin to ease, but so far every day it only got worse.

He was fucking miserable. Back to only having his horses to talk to. At least now he also had a collection of barn cats to round out his friend group.

"It'll get better. It has to." He continued talking to the black cat as he grabbed her food bin and popped the lid open. "I guess I should just be glad she told me she didn't want to be with me right out of the gate instead of powering through for years."

He wanted to be glad. Wanted to be happy Janie would be able to go find someone she did want, but it turned out she may have been right from the beginning. He might actually be an asshole, because his brain simply couldn't come to terms with the possibility that some other man could make her happier than he could. He couldn’t accept she would be better off without him.

She'd been happy with him. He knew it. He thought he did.

He thought he could take Janie at face value. That she said exactly how she was feeling, would put it all out there when something was wrong. But obviously that wasn't true. No one decided they were done with a relationship in the blink of an eye. Once again, he'd been blind. Missed the signs that had to have been there. And this time, he was actually looking.

He finished filling the cat dishes, giving a couple of the less feral kittens some attention before moving on to the horses.

Taking care of them was both a blessing and a curse, just like it had always been. Only now, instead of simply reminding him of the good times he genuinely shared with Maggie, they also carried memories of the good times he shared with Janie. And those were what had him dangerously close to calling up Brody Pace to see if they had room on their ranch for Winston and Winnie.

The first week hadn't been so bad. The horses had been a welcome distraction. Something to eat up all the spare minutes he used to share with her. Now they just made him think of her. The way she was so excited to get close to them that first night. The sight of her clinging to Winnifred’s side when she tried to get in the saddle.

The kiss they shared down by the creek.

He raked one hand through his hair before scrubbing his palm over his face. “Fuck.”

The sound of the barn door sliding open sent the cats scattering. He dropped his hand, straightening at the sight of his oldest daughter. “You’re home.”

“I’m home.” Riley gave him a small smile. “And you just dropped the F-bomb.”

“I forgot to pick up more horse feed.” The lie slid right out, just like so many others had over the past few weeks. “I didn’t get the chance to talk with you last night. How was your first week of school?”

Riley’s smile widened. “Great.” The joy on her face was evident as she scooped up one of the kittens. “I think we get to start practicing cutting in a couple weeks.”

“Fantastic.” He rounded the corner to collect a bucket of pellets for Winston. “I’m glad you’re enjoying it.”

“I love it.” Riley watched as he went into Winston’s stall, her smile slipping. “Where’s Janie been?” She tucked the kitten in her arms against her chest. “Honestly.”

He’d given his girls excuse after excuse, thinking maybe Janie would change her mind. That she’d simply run away the same way she did the night by the creek. Or the way she tried to when she discovered Sharon was his mother-in-law. And that once she took a breath and remembered what they had, she’d be back.

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