Page 39 of Losing My Rejection

Oh no. He followed me. I wiped my eyes. I really didn’t want him seeing me like this.

“I just… need a minute,” I said, my voice shaky as I refused to look up at Josh.

“Take all the time you need.”

The bench shifted slightly as he sat down next to me.

“You don’t have to babysit me. I’m okay.”

“You don’t look okay.”

“I’m just… being stupid.”

There was a gentle touch on my knee. “Talk to me.”

I took a deep breath in a vain attempt to calm my nerves. Anxiety had filled my chest, the likes of which I hadn’t felt in years. I thought I was over my past. After all, it had happened nearly six years ago. I couldn’t believe it was cropping up. But seeing Josh with that woman brought it all back in a flash.

I wasn’t sure I really wanted to talk about it, but I had a feeling Josh wasn’t going anywhere. Plus, it was only fair he know where I came from. He’d told me his entire story. I supposed it was time I shared mine as well.

“When I was your age,” I began, my voice still shaking. “Maybe a little younger. I had a bad habit of falling for the wrong sorts of guys. Chalk it up to being young and dumb, but that’s what I did. And that’s how I ended up in Shifter Grove.”

Josh squeezed my knee. “What happened?”

“This guy… don’t make me say his name…”

“You don’t have to.”

I nodded. “He came in one night while I was out at a bar with some friends and swept me off my feet. He was older than me, tall, handsome, and seemed like he had all his shit together. The way he talked to me was so suave and mature, it was no wonder I fell for him in an instant.” I paused for a moment, feeling a sliver of shame. “I took him to my bed that first night. He was a wolf too and even though I knew my pack didn’t look kindly on male couples, I was willing to take that chance. I wasn’t out yet and neither was he, so we kept things casual at first and very quiet. Before I knew it, I was developing feelings for him. I wondered if he might be my mate. Although, now that I’ve felt that connection… I realize how stupid that was.”

Reaching up, I wiped the tears from my cheeks again. There was so much frustration and self-loathing still inside me directed toward my younger self. I hated it.

“But, I learned pretty quickly that things were not as they seemed.” I let out a long sigh. “Just when I started to think things were going great and that we’d make out relationship official, I caught him flirting with a woman at one of the pack functions. At first I figured it was nothing, but when they snuck out to the woods to fuck, I lost it in front of the entire pack. I called him every name in front of the book and instead of apologizing or even feeling the tiniest bit sorry, he called me a liar.” I shook my head, staring down at the pavement under my feet. “Of course, they all believed him. He was an upstanding member of the pack who’d never been seen with another man. Meanwhile, rumors about me had been going around for years. That night my family disowned me and the pack told me that they didn’t have room for my kind among their ranks.” I sighed again. “And that’s how I ended up here.”

I stole a glance up at Josh, his brow furrowed in an expression of pity and sadness. Immediately I felt bad for telling him the story.

“Do you still want to date women?” I asked suddenly. “Because if you do, just tell me now. I don’t know if I can survive going any further with this only for you to have regrets later. That woman obviously liked you a lot. You could–”

“Andy,” Josh said, putting a finger against my lips. “I want you. Not her.”

“But a couple weeks ago you would’ve picked her,” I argued. “You didn’t want to end up with a man. Hell, until a few days ago you didn’t even want to have sex with me. How could you possibly change that quickly?!”

He shook his head. “I don’t know. I’d love to sit here and give you an answer, but it would be completely made up. Maybe it’s the mate bond or maybe it’s just the fact that I found the most perfect guy in the entire world.” He reached up, cupping the side of my face. “This is all new to me, so I can’t tell you what the reason is. I just know I like you and I want to stay at your side as long as you’ll have me.”

I pulled his hand away, turning it over so that the phone number showed on his palm. “You’re not going to regret this?” I asked. “A chance at a normal life?”

Josh pulled his hand back, considering it for a moment. Then he leaned down and spit into his palm before dragging it across the knee of his jeans. Dark ink smeared against the fabric and when he turned it over to show me, the number was completely illegible.

“No,” he said confidently. “I’m not going to regret it. You’re my mate, Andy. You belong to me. Nothing in the world could make me give up what I have with you.”

Tears fell down my face again, the strength of his commitment overwhelming me.

“Y-You mean it, don’t you?”

Josh leaned closed, grabbing the back of my neck and pressing our foreheads together. “I do mean it,” he said. “Because… Well, because I think I love you.”

Adrenaline flushed through my system again. However, this time it wasn’t cold. It was a searing heat that drove every bit of doubt from my body. My breath hitched and my heart began to race. But the tears kept right on flowing.

“I… I love you too, babe,” I stammered. “More than I thought possible.” I looked up at him again. “You’re sure this is what you want?”

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