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Sanka returned and told me about how he was arranging things. Like a little nest on the floor. Then everyone retreated. Robin was the last to leave. "Dusek will be hovering around until we know you're okay," she said, her voice even huskier than usual. She sounded drained by whatever she had just done to knock Sadavir out. No wonder, since she didn't really have access to her full strength, with her birthright missing. "It is killing me to even think of leaving you with the snake, but…." She took a slow, deep breath. "I know it's the right thing to do. Just… if he hurts you, I will kill him."

I believed her. And the weight of my responsibility as an omega settled heavy on my shoulders.

"It will be fine," I whispered. Even though I knew that was a lie. Nothing was fine. It might never be fine again. Not for Sadavir. Maybe not for me, either, even though my connection with Josh wasn't as strong, more tentative and new.

Josh was dead. His warm, quiet presence was gone from the world. And it left behind a hole that could never be filled.

Chapter 28

Ruya

Ilay in the pillow and blanket nest, curled up in Sadavir's arms for a long while. Grief wracked me, but I was also drained by the use of my banshee powers and the toll of the sudden intense emotions that had flooded me. I drifted in and out of an uneasy sleep while I waited for my wounded naga to awake. Part of me felt useless. Like I should be out there somewhere doing something. But that was nonsense. I knew Josh was already dead. Deep in my soul, at the heart of my power, I knew.

Sadavir lost his limp, unconscious feeling and seemed to relax into a more normal, if deep, sleep. But eventually I woke from my drifting nap to find him awake, his arms sliding around me, pulling me close so that I lay on top of him like an omega blanket. He drew in a deep, stuttering breath, but didn't speak.

I laid my head on his chest and took comfort in the steady, strong beat of his heart. Josh was gone. But Sadavir was here. It didn't diminish the pain. His strong alpha presence didn't erase the sense of loss, but it helped me keep it together.

He nuzzled his face against my head, and his breathing hitched. "I know," I said softly, even though he couldn't hear me, couldn't see my lips move from this angle. He was fighting tears. I reached up a hand to touch his face and corrected myself. Not fighting tears. Crying silently. As if a big, bad, alpha male couldn't let others hear him grieve. Or maybe it was because he had been raised to be a leader. To carry on despite his feelings.

I lifted my head so he could read my lips. "I'm so sorry," I whispered, hating how insignificant the words were.

I couldn't see for him to sign, and there was no one here to be our go-between. So, he spoke to me instead, less careful of his enunciation and the way he formed words without others around to judge him. "I should have done more. Sooner. Insisted. This is my fault." Then I felt his aura flare with rage. "And hers. The dragon. She insisted we wait and now Josh is dead!"

His grip on me became borderline painful and I stiffened in surprise. "Sadavir," I said as calmly as I could. "You're hurting me."

He let up at once, his big hands soothing over my back as if in apology. "Unstable," he said slowly. "It's not safe for you right now. I'm not safe for you."

I shook my head adamantly. "The others said you need me right now." And I could feel it. Somehow, I could sense it. The thing in me that drove me to want to be near my alphas, that wanted to please, and be cherished, and protected. It also wanted to protect—just in a different way from an alpha or a gamma. I had the deep, instinctual urge to hold Sadavir. To let my aura reach out to him. To shield him from the world and… be his shelter, his anchor. The way he and the other alphas were always an anchor for me. Protection wasn't always fists, or swords, or explosive fire. Sometimes what most needed protecting was the heart. And I was beginning to understand, deep inside, that this was my purpose.

I let it happen, let my soul twine with his, and felt his rage, his pain, and the feeling of impotence that tortured him—the awful feeling of not being able to do anything. And I wrapped myself around him—around all the emotions swirling in his aura—like a blanket, not extinguishing the pain, but muffling it, quieting it all so he could rest.

His body relaxed beneath me, and his big hands smoothed over my back once more before he sat up, taking me with him and cradling me on his lap. He had shifted back to human form at some point, I noted dimly. I hadn't even realized until now.

I don't know how long we sat like that, just soothing each other with the interplay of our auras. Strong and soft. Grief and love. Grounding. Holding each other together. This… this was what it meant to be alpha and omega, two parts of a whole. But it could be more. I knew it instinctively. Deep inside, I yearned to be claimed. To be marked and bound magically to his man, at the deepest level, so there were no barriers between us. So I could guard his heart more fully. So we could truly, deeply, be one.

I clenched my teeth as he nuzzled along my neck. It wasn't amorous. Not at the moment. We were both too lost in grief for that. But I thought he was feeling the pull too. After losing Josh, he probably felt compelled to more firmly cement me to him. As if that would prevent him from losing me too.

I cupped his face in my hands and kissed him softly. Just a chaste press of lips that said I saw him. That I understood. I might have done it then. Might have asked him to complete the bonding and make me his true mate in all the ways an alpha could, might have surrendered my will to him for the rest of my life in that moment. But one thing held me back.

Alongside the thrumming urge to give myself to Sadavir completely, there was another throbbing need, quieter, a bit more distant at the moment, but impossible to ignore even in this state I was in.

Another alpha called to me. A fiery aura, like a piece of my soul was missing. It was just enough to clear my head. To let me remember all the reasons why now was not the time to let my omega urges drive me to do something impulsive.

If I let Sadavir claim me as his mate, it would be the last straw for Robin. Her control was already stretched thin with her looming birthday, her missing birthright, and her war with the emperor. I knew she also used a considerable chunk of her willpower to keep from claiming me and adding more complications to the situation. But if Sadavir took her true mate right from under her nose… they would fight. Most likely maim or kill one another.

And even if they didn't fight, Robin might see this complication as too much of a distraction. She wouldn't claim me herself, wouldn't want the distraction from her goals. And her dragon side would suffer seeing me bound to someone else. To another alpha in her territory—in her own nest—who was a threat to her dominance. Would she tolerate that? We might find ourselves alone, without the support of the rebel court. With nowhere to go and no one to help us.

I wanted to think that Robin and the others wouldn't allow that to happen. But I couldn't be absolutely sure. I knew what drove them. I knew how Robin felt about sacrificing a single individual in order to preserve her plans. We had just discussed this when Josh went missing. I wanted to think she and the others would move mountains to keep me with them, loved and safe. That they wouldn't abandon me. And yet… some small part of me wasn't sure. A small, timid voice who remembered how little my previous caretakers had cared for me whispered, but they might.

No. Robin would choose me. If it came to her revenge plans or my safety, she would choose me. I had to believe that. And now, when it came to my desires or the wellbeing of Robin and her entire court… I chose her. I just that hoped one day in the future, I wouldn't be forced to choose.

Sadavir seemed to sense the change in my mood. His own raging aura pulled back a bit, as if he, too realized that claiming me might be disastrous. But I felt him shudder, knew he was having trouble controlling himself—both his urges and his anger and pain. I needed to keep myself calm. Keep it together for both our sakes. I took a deep, calming breath and tried my best to radiate good feelings through my aura. It hurt. The entire situation was a nightmare. But we would get through this. Josh… he would want Sadavir to be happy and safe, no matter what. That much I was certain of. The human had loved his naga fiercely all their lives.

Slowly, softly, a new presence nudged at my mind, brushed gently against my aura. Can I come up?

I smiled faintly to myself at the hesitant touch of Cicely's fae magic in my mind. Feeling into Sadavir's aura one more time, I spoke aloud for both of them. "Cicely's coming up," I said evenly.

Sadavir didn't protest.

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