Page 54 of Changed

I brought tea, my faun said in mind speak as he approached our little nest. I heard the faint sound of a tray being placed on the nearby coffee table. The others weren't sure, but I thought maybe a beta could get away with a visit without triggering a reaction. Especially one who isn't technically part of Robin's court.

I smiled gratefully. Cicely was one of us. But he had always proudly declared that he wasn't Robin's beta, he was mine. His instincts said to respect and follow an alpha, but he was also more likely than the others to ignore or work around Robin's orders when it suited him. And she let him, because she knew he was mine and took some sort of strange comfort in knowing I had my own people—a mate who wasn't beholden to her in quite the same way as the others.

"I'm glad you're here," I said honestly.

His bright, golden aura was soothing, and I thought that of anyone, Sadavir was least likely to take issue with Cicely. Not only was he a beta, and an easygoing person in general, but he also had innate magic that allowed him to calm and soothe others. And even alphas didn't seem to be immune.

He handed us each a cup of tea, and the pleasant scent of herbs and pixie magic wafted across my senses. Yukio. So sweet, even though he tried to disguise it.

Yuki made a separate concoction for each of you. He said it should help with calm, but not be sedating. A brief pause, and the feeling of humor laced his mental voice. Though he did say "if the snake is being an asshole, I can make something else that will knock him out for a week or so and save us all the headache of dealing with him."

I shook my head. Yukio was grumpy with everyone, but he seemed to be especially fond of letting Sadavir know how much he hated him. Which… knowing Yukio, might mean exactly the opposite. The distracting thought amused me for a moment, before the sadness took hold again and my smile fell.

I was surprised when Cicely came and sat next to me in our nest. Sadavir said I could, the faun told me with the equivalent of a mental wink.

I sipped my tea in silence. Already, I felt myself relaxing, some of the tension flowing away. I wasn't sure if that was thanks to Yuki's tea, or Cicely's magic. Probably both. But I welcomed the relief. I just hoped it was working on Sadavir as well.

Cicely nudged my shoulder with his as he spoke in my mind. You okay? Not about Josh, I mean. Of course you're not okay there. But your vision. It seemed to really hit you hard, drain your magic.

I sighed. I assumed Cicely was signing for Sadavir's benefit, since he and the others seemed to be careful to always include him. So, I didn't bother to voice his question. Only my answer. "I'm fine. I was drained at first, but now it's more emotional drain than magical. I just… can't believe we are sitting here having tea while he's… gone," my voice cracked, and my throat closed up.

Sadavir took one of my hands and squeezed, then released me, probably to sign. Cicely took my teacup away and took my other hand. Sadavir says you should never regret being alive. Surviving when others don't. That this sort of regret is a madness that will eat at you from the inside. He let out a long sigh before continuing. He says it's his fault for not protecting Josh. For not forcing the court to do more, or for not going out on his own to find him.

I shook my head adamantly, but Cicely was already speaking, adamantly signing, if the motions I sensed from him were any indication. It's not your fault, Sadavir. And it's not Robin's. Or anyone else's. Except whoever took our human. Everyone did what they thought was best in the moment. And that's all anyone can ever do. Blaming each other, blaming yourself, that won't bring Josh back. It will only hurt everyone who's still alive. And that is exactly what his killer probably wanted. To wound us all, maybe even throw us into chaos, make us fight against each other so we're no longer a threat to anyone else.

I gripped Sadavir's hand and sent a wave of healing energy through the contact. He wasn't physically wounded, but the healing would make him feel rejuvenated. And hopefully he'd know that I wished I could heal his pain as well.

"I know," he voiced, squeezing my hand in return.

He says he knows everything I've said is just good logic, but the alpha in him is enraged. Wounded. He needs to move. To do something. He wants to make plans to find out who did this and avenge Josh. He says Acacia needs to die.

I paused as I tried to find a diplomatic and even vaguely convincing way to disagree with him. It was impossible, though. I wanted the same things. I was never a violent person. I healed people, I didn't harm them. And yet, some part of me agreed with Sadavir. I probably wasn't able to be bloodthirsty enough to mete out the vengeance myself when the moment came. But I would gladly stand by my alpha while he did it for us. Acacia's blood would feed the earth and only then could Josh rest in peace.

No. That wasn't me. I concentrated, turned inward and checked my own energies.

I was feeling what Sadavir was feeling, somehow, and it was affecting me. My yearning for the bond, and my omega need to please the alpha in the room was probably contributing, giving me this added connection to him, and making me willing to go along with whatever he needed right now. Even if that was a bloodbath.

"No," I said firmly, as much for myself as for Sadavir. "Whoever did this will be brought to justice in time. But you're not rushing off into danger. I can't lose you too."

Cicely's calming aura touched mine, filling the room with peace. Grieve for now, he said softly. Be grateful for those of us still living. And know that these things always have a way of working out, in the end.

Someone huffed. Then Sadavir demanded, "Ask."

Cicely's voice was laced with humor as he spoke in my mind. Sadavir would like to know if you or anyone else here would object to him showing affection for your beta.

I snorted a laugh myself. Then my eyes watered and I found myself crying again. Too many emotions still flowed through me all at once. Pain. Loss. Sadness. Amusement. Despair. Joy at Sadavir's directness.

"Of course not," I said through a sniffle. "As long as the beta in question consents."

Cicely's wry amusement was palpable. The beta consents wholeheartedly. I'm going to hug the fuck out of your snake now, Ru.

I laughed through my tears as I felt Cicely lunge, heard the oof that escaped Sadavir. Cicely wanted to comfort people as much as I did. And I knew he held back sometimes because he was still trying to figure out how we all fit together in this rebel court. If everything else about this day was terrible, well, at least there was this. Cicely would never replace Josh, and Sadavir wouldn't try to slot my beta into that empty place in his heart. But maybe Sadavir could take some comfort in knowing he had friends here among the court. People who genuinely cared.

However, that small glimmer of relief was short-lived.

Dusek's frightful aura seeped into the room and the bubak materialized, his voice slowly solidifying, the same way his body no doubt did to those who had working vision. I saw the blurry shadows on one side of the room darken. "Sorry to interrupt," he said, his deep voice gravely serious. "But we have a situation. You should both come downstairs." He hesitated, the ominous swirl of his dark aura swelling for a moment, then retreating. "Someone just dumped a body on our front steps."

We were down the stairs in an instant. "Sadavir!" I bit out as I tried to focus and not stumble in my haste.

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