Page 49 of Day Shift

“Angel, I—”

But she didn’t let me finish. “One minute you’re all over me; the next you’re shoving me away,” she said, treading water. “You’re giving me fucking whiplash.” She massaged her neck to emphasize her point.

As I often did out of habit when searching for things to say, I pulled the hair tie off my ponytail, then scraped my fingers through my hair before tying it back up again. “You don’t understand. This isn’t about you. It’s about me trying to do the right thing.”

“The right thing?” she scoffed, her voice steadier now. “What’s so wrong about this?”

Taking a deep breath, I turned to face her fully. “You’re not just some girl I can fool around with. You deserve more than that. And with everything you’ve been through, the last thing you need is me complicating things further.”

She glared at me. “I think I get to decide what I need, Conan. And right now, I need you to stop treating me like I’m fragile—broken.”

With my arms crossed and my chin held high, I clenched my jaw. “Angel, listen. Of course I want to fuck you,” I said, being blunt, as was my nature. “But I’m not about to take advantage of an innocent girl.” I stared at her, trying to keep my resolve.

Angel’s eyes sparked with defiance. “I’m not a child, and I’m far from innocent.”

I heaved a sigh and turned my back to her, making my way to the pool’s steps. The water lapped around my waist as I moved, but the coolness did little to calm me.

“You put on a good show, playing the fun-loving laid-back type of guy one minute and the indifferent badass the next. But I can see through your act!” she called out. “You’re more of the tortured-soul type.”

“Nah,” I said over my shoulder, keeping my tone light. “I’m always easy, go with the flow, you know?”

“No, you’re not,” she said. “You might be lying to yourself, but I see the truth. You’re a man who puts on a good front so often you believe your own bullshit.”

Her words stopped me in my tracks. Once more, I turned to face her. The distance between us seemed like a million miles. “You think you’ve got me all figured out, huh?”

She swam forward, making it to a spot where she could stand her ground only a few feet in front of me, and glared at me, her eyes fierce. “I didn’t say that. I may not remember much from before the accident, but I remember everything after. The songs you sang to me and the way you sang them…they were all about heartache and sadness. All I could do was listen and absorb your pain alongside my own.”

She fired off a couple of the song titles and recited a few lyrics. “And what about when you sang the song ‘Hurt’ by Johnny Cash, which is about becoming a shell of a man and losing everyone you love? Or that song ‘Creep’ by Radiohead about feeling like an outsider who is unworthy of affection, a man who is inadequate and full of self-loathing. You can’t fake that kind of emotion. I could go on and on. Remember, you’ve spent hours with me—and I heard every word.”

I swallowed hard. Her insight hit closer to home than I wanted to admit. “You’re reading too much into it.”

“No, I’m not,” she insisted. “Your tattoos tell a story too. The skull on your back, the black widow on your neck, the bloody axes, the broken heart—all intermixed with the sexy women. You try to paint yourself as some badass, but I see the truth. You’re not just the easygoing live-and-let-live guy. In reality, you’re more like a jaded, brokenhearted little boy who lost his momma way too early and who has a giant, sensitive, although scarred, heart that has been hurt too many times.”

I clenched my fists at my sides, the truth in her words stinging. How did she perceive so much? I had always buried my past beneath a facade of indifference and charm. But she had seen right through that.

“Why are you giving me such a hard time?” I asked, attempting to maintain my calm.

“Because I see you, Conan. The real you,” she replied, her tone softening. “And I want you to see me too.”

I took a step back, needing space to process. Her insight was like a punch to the gut, and I had to remind myself to stand strong against the temptation she represented, even though my body craved hers.

Still not convinced that hooking up with her was something I could do—or maybe it was the beer making me more argumentative than normal—I chose to push back with logic. “How do you know you’re not a virgin, or perhaps married?” I asked, throwing caution to the wind.

Angel didn’t miss a beat. “Trust me, I’m no virgin. I might not remember having sex, but virgins don’t have IUDs or wild fantasies about what they’d do to you playing around in their minds.” Her lips curled into a wicked grin.

“What about a husband?”

“If I had a husband, don’t you think he’d come looking for me? If anyone gave a shit about me, they would have shown up by now. Obviously, in my past life, I must have been a loner or a loser. The kind of person no one cares about or notices when they disappear. What does that say about me? No wonder you don’t want any part of me. I get it.”

I blinked, her words hitting me like a freight train. I wasn’t going to listen to this level of self-deprecation from her. “Shut the fuck up!” I snapped, unable to keep the anger out of my voice. “There’s no way you’re alone or unwanted. Can’t be. I’ve spent plenty of time with you. You’re smart, funny, sensitive, not to mention drop-dead gorgeous. I meet people all day every day in the ED, and trust me, you are head and shoulders above most of them.”

Angel’s eyes narrowed, skepticism flickering in them. “You’re just saying that to make me feel better.” Her tone was softer now, almost fragile. She would hate to know I actually did think that because of her injuries, so I kept it to myself.

“I’m not lying,” I barked, my frustration boiling over. “You’re amazing, and if people from your past haven’t shown up, it’s their fucking loss. Not yours.”

She scowled fiercely. “Then why won’t you be with me? Why are you holding back?”

I rubbed my hands over my face, trying to gather my thoughts. “Because, my Angel, you deserve someone who can give you everything without any reservations. And right now, I’m not sure I can be that guy. You’ve been through so much. The last thing I want to do is take advantage of you or one day be a regret.”

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