Page 23 of A Little Light

“And I’m about to get some drinks from the gin bar. Can I get you one?”

Andi eyed Rachel. She made no effort to involve herself in this conversation, and that said everything Andi needed to know. Rachel had nothing to say to her. “No, thank you.”

“Oh, come on. It looks like you’re here alone. Why not join us for a quick drink?”

Honestly, Andi would love to join them. Kelly seemed lovely, and well, how she felt about Rachel was quite self-explanatory. But she wouldn’t join a table she wasn’t welcome at. She wasn’t that desperate to find company. “I really can’t. But thank you. Maybe some other time.”

Kelly seemed satisfied with that, turning back to Rachel. She whispered something to her, and then she stepped out of the queue, heading for the gin bar.

Andi had never felt so awkward. Rachel stood in front of her, her back to Andi, tapping her foot against the ground. Andi considered her next move. She didn’t want it to be this way. “Rachel?”

Rachel looked over her shoulder. “Yeah?”

“Could we…maybe talk? I feel as though everything is a bit awkward between us after last night, and that’s really not how I want it to be.”

Rachel cleared her throat as she turned to Andi. “Andi, I feel awful about last night. If I gave you the impression or you feel as though I led you on, I’m so sorry.”

“I…didn’t think that. You’ve been great.”

“Okay. That’s good.” Rachel puffed out her cheeks, half-turning away. Did she feel embarrassed about the situation, too? Rachel really shouldn’t. Andi was the one at fault here.

“Do we really have to fall out over it, though? I may have said something you didn’t want to hear, but I’m a grown woman who is capable of being a friend to someone.”

Rachel nodded slowly. “I know you are. It’s just…I didn’t expect any of that, and I really don’t want to blur any lines.”

Andi’s brows drew together. “I wouldn’t do anything to blur any lines, Rachel. All I can do is apologise for last night, for ruining any sort of potential friendship, and hope that we can move forward.”

“Really, it’s okay.” Rachel managed a smile, but Andi felt the uncertainty in it. Andi had one hundred percent ruined any friendship they could have had. Rachel could barely even look at her. “I probably shouldn’t have taken you for dinner at that restaurant. It was maybe a little too…intimate, you know?”

Andi agreed, but only slightly. She’d had a great evening; it wouldn’t have mattered where Rachel had taken her. “Perhaps, yes.” She swallowed down the unexpected ball of emotion lodged in her throat. “Look, can we try again?”

Rachel hesitated, and then she decided to lean in and hug Andi. She lingered for a moment, sighing. “I’d like to try again. And…it really isn’t you. If I thought for one moment that either of us was in the right frame of mind, I wouldn’t hesitate to go on a date with you.”

Andi pulled out of Rachel’s embrace. There was no point questioning what Rachel was saying. She had made a decision based on what she wanted…and that wasn’t Andi. “You don’t have to explain. It’s okay.”

“I have a busy week coming up, but I don’t know… Can I call you towards the weekend or something?”

Andi held the cheesecake box to her chest, confused. “Yes. I’ll…be around.” It seemed Andi would be around a lot more often moving forward. Rachel had been her only socialisation lately. Since it appeared they would be putting some space between them, Andi didn’t have much else going on. “But don’t feel as though you have to call me if this isn’t what you want.”

“I promise to call when I’m able to. Maybe we can get coffee together or something.”

Andi wasn’t convinced Rachel really wanted that, she seemed hesitant with every word she spoke, but she would see what came of it. If Rachel got in touch, great…but Andi wouldn’t hold her breath. “Okay. But if this is about the loft and you wanting to keep in touch so I don’t change my mind, you don’t have anything to worry about. I told you it’s yours, and I meant it.”

“God, I know. I’ve never thought otherwise. I would like to call you.”

Andi lifted a shoulder. “Okay. Only if you want to.”

Rachel smiled, meaning it this time. Andi just knew by the sparkle in her eyes. “I will want to.”

Chapter 8

Andi stared out at the water, holding a cup of coffee as the wind intensified. She was meeting Sally in a few minutes during their lunch break, and the thought of bringing Rachel up was beginning to terrify her. While everyone claimed they wanted Andi to be happy, she was having a hard time believing it. She didn’t have Rachel with her to reassure her. She didn’t have her wise words, or those beautiful eyes, or that calming presence. She could have had that…if she hadn’t messed it up almost a week ago.

She hadn’t imagined herself to be in this position just a few weeks ago, but life had changed for Andi since she’d met Rachel. She couldn’t deny the connection she felt, nor did she want to, but the thought of never seeing her again weighed heavy on Andi’s mind. They just clicked. They could hold conversations with one another as though they’d been friends for many years. Shouldn’t that mean something? It did to Andi. She hadn’t looked at another woman since the day she met Jane, but here she was…about to tell her best friend she was considering a relationship again. That was down to Rachel and her charm. Perhaps if she allowed herself the chance to explore, another Rachel may come along in the not-too-distant future.

Still, wasn’t it too soon?

And again, would people judge her?

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