Page 24 of A Little Light

Andi guessed she was about to find out. Sally would tell her straight—she would work through this with her—and then Andi could decide based on that. As she turned and looked back at the city, Sally was walking towards her, that ever-present spring in her step.

“Hey,” Sally yelled as she rushed towards Andi. “You look different. Rested and happy.”

Yeah, Andi had been sleeping better lately. She couldn’t possibly say why. And then she smiled as an image of Rachel at dinner almost a week ago flashed in her mind. Oh, if only things could have been different. “Getting plenty of rest.”

“Good. I like seeing you rested. But your call implied that you needed to talk, and you had me worried for a moment.”

Andi hoped Sally wouldn’t worry, but she couldn’t be sure how any of those close to her would react. “I do want to talk, but I’m okay. I was hoping for some advice from you.”

“Advice? The ever-wise Andi Palmer wants advice from me?” Sally placed a hand to her chest, smirking. “I’m honoured.”

“I went to dinner with someone last Friday night.” Andi had to get straight to the point. Lingering on this would prevent her from being entirely honest. “And I don’t know, I think I would have liked to see her again.”

“Hang on!” Sally gripped Andi’s wrist, her eyes wide. “You went on a date, and you didn’t even tell me beforehand? And it’s taken you what? Almost a week to spill the beans? I don’t know whether to be impressed or offended.”

“It wasn’t a date. But it felt like one, and I’d be happy doing it again.”

“Oh, Andi. This is huge. I’m so happy for you. And I’m proud.”

Andi smiled as she turned back to face the water. Sally’s initial reaction was exactly what she hoped for, but was that just the shock of Andi going to dinner? “It was with Rachel. The woman who bought the loft.”

“And?”

“And I just want you to talk through this with me. I thought I’d feel terrible the next day. I thought I’d lock myself in the house and worry about what Jane would think.”

“But you didn’t…”

Andi sighed. Of all the things she felt, regret wasn’t there. Not an ounce of it. “No, I didn’t. Does that make me a terrible person?”

“Babe.”

“I need you to tell me it doesn’t make me a terrible person. Because I really wanted to see her again and not just having something to eat, as she called it.” Andi swallowed. It was a shame Rachel wasn’t interested. Mostly because she was always on Andi’s mind lately, but also because Sally seemed to be on board with the idea. “It won’t go anywhere with Rachel, she turned me down when I hinted at the idea, but I still took that step.”

“Wait, she turned you down?”

“Yes. But that’s okay. I’m sure there’s someone out there for me.”

Sally wiped a tear away as it suddenly fell down her cheek. “Watching you lose Jane, and then watching you try to recover…I thought I’d never get my best friend back again. I know more than any of our friends how much you struggled before and after her death, and all I want for you is to be happy. If that is single or involved, then that is your decision. You know I’ll always have your back. And maybe you’ll have a few wobbles before you actually take that next step, but you’re thinking about it, and that’s the most important thing. It tells me that you’re moving forward.”

“There’s something I’ve never told you.”

Sally studied Andi’s face, a slight crease between her brows.

“I did a lot of my grieving for Jane in the years before she passed away. She wasn’t the woman I’d married. I mean, she was and will always be my wife, but I saw what was happening, and I had to start the process of losing her long before I did. It was the only way I could cope with looking after her and being her sole caregiver. I knew we weren’t coming back from it, so I started to slowly let her go during her final years.”

“I know. And I can’t blame you for that. You had to do what was best for you, Andi. How you deal with Jane’s death is your business alone. Forget about offending anyone and forget what people may think of you. This is your life, and you ultimately decide how to live it.”

“When we got together, I knew we wouldn’t be together forever. A twenty-year age gap makes that quite obvious. But I still love her so much that it hurts if I think about her.”

“Nobody is asking you to let your love for her go. I’d certainly never expect that. You two were so good together. But you can be happy again with someone else while still loving Jane. So long as the woman you meet understands that, you really should go out there and see what the world has to offer.”

“You don’t hate me for this?”

Sally dragged Andi into a hug so powerful that they almost toppled to the grass verge behind Sally. “I’ve never hated you. And I never will. Just…are you sure Rachel turned you down?”

Andi felt an unexpected calmness wash over her. Through her. Sally had always been the friend she relied on for the serious talks in life. She didn’t know why she’d felt so tense coming into this conversation. “She did. She’s not in the right place for a relationship at the minute. I think maybe I bring too much baggage with me, too. That’s understandable, though.”

“That’s a real shame.”

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