Page 22 of A Little Light

“I think you’re making a mistake, Rae. But only you know what’s best for you. I just think it’s a shame that you won’t even entertain the idea.”

“I think it’s for the best if we just remain business. Once the sale of the loft has gone through, Andi can move on…and so can I. We won’t have a reason to see one another then.”

“Okay. Okay.” Kelly was frustrated; Rachel knew it. “Would you at least let me know when you’re moving in? I’d love to help you.”

Rachel smiled. “I’d like that. It doesn’t even need redecorating. Not really. Andi and her wife had good taste, so I’ll probably start putting my own mark on it after the new year.”

“Yeah, don’t give yourself too much to do before Christmas.”

Rachel turned her watch towards herself. “I should probably shower and get dressed. Are you busy tonight?”

“Nope. I have the night to myself.”

“Did you want to meet me at the markets? I’ll treat you to a hot beef sandwich and a glass of wine after it.”

“Yes. I’d love that. Text me later and let me know what time you’re thinking of getting there.”

Well, that was Rachel’s night sorted. She could take her mind off the last week—off Andi—and enjoy some time with her best friend. “Okay. I’ll text you this afternoon.”

“Bye, babe.” Rachel sighed as Kelly ended the call, dropping her phone to the worktop with a clatter.

In a perfect world, Rachel would have been waking up this morning with one hell of a smile on her face. She would have been texting Andi to thank her for the perfect evening. Hell, if she’d gotten really lucky, she could have been savouring the taste of Andi on her lips. God, she was absolutely the kind of woman Rachel was looking for. That was quite obvious when Rachel allowed herself a brief moment to feel a particular way about her as they shared dessert last night. But that one thought still sat firm at the front of her mind. The thought of it all going wrong…once again.

* * *

Andi strolled around the markets, smiling as she passed the carousel. She couldn’t believe she’d avoided this last year; it was perfect for getting in the mood for Christmas. But this year and last year were two entirely different things. She could barely muster up the strength to go shopping for basic necessities this time last year. Thank God she was beginning to feel like herself again. A lot lonelier but managing, nonetheless.

She was meeting Sally in the next ten minutes, but she’d had to promise her best friend a stein to get her out of the house. Sally and Claire had met up with some other friends last night, and Andi suspected she was feeling the effects of the Prosecco she’d drunk. Thankfully, Sally was partial to a ‘hair of the dog’.

Deciding to make the most of her time here, Andi started at one end of the market, perusing the gift shops lined up and facing one another. It was mostly tat, or so Jane would say, but she enjoyed this. Handmade gifts were always far more appreciated than something generic off a franchise shelf.

When she stopped at the cheesecake hut, her phone buzzed in her pocket. It would be Sally telling her she was almost there or that she was here but couldn’t find Andi.

Sorry, love. I’m not going to make it. Gemma has called and needs me to look after Alfie. Can we rearrange? Sal x

Andi sighed. She could have done with having Sally here this evening. But Andi and her predicament could wait. It was a ridiculous thing for her to say to Rachel anyway. The night had gotten the better of her, and now Andi felt like a fool. God, she couldn’t believe she’d been close to kissing Rachel last night. Still, she hadn’t woken up full of regret as she’d assumed. Just…sadness.

She probably left last night thinking you’re just desperate. Jane had only been gone for fifteen months, and here Andi was, practically throwing herself at another woman. That’s not true, and you know it!

Don’t worry. We can catch up some other time. Give Alfie a cuddle for me. Andi x

She locked her phone and shoved it in her pocket. There was no point drinking beer alone, so she would pick up a few small trinkets, and then she would call it a night. Two late nights back-to-back would only have her shattered tomorrow anyway.

Now, what cheesecake did she choose to take home with her and enjoy with a glass of wine? Her eyes drifted towards the Sicilian lemon, her mouth watering. While there were all kinds of different choices, something classic was perfect. She picked up two, paid, and moved on to the next stall.

As she stopped at the ornament stand, an instantly recognisable flash of blonde hair caught Andi’s attention. Rachel stood with a redhead, laughing and joking as they picked out their own ornaments, and it was in that moment that Andi froze. She knew she should turn around and leave, but she didn’t want to head home yet. There was also the small matter of wanting a tree decoration. Something for Alfie to give to Sally on Christmas Eve. Sally always had her grandchildren over on Christmas Eve, and then on Christmas morning, they were all together. She had invited Andi last year—this year, too—but Christmas morning was reserved for family. Andi didn’t believe she fit in that way.

She kept her head down, waiting patiently in the queue. If she could stand back a little, Rachel wouldn’t even know she was here. Andi felt too embarrassed at the thought of speaking to her, anyway.

But there was no such luck. Rachel turned around at the sound of a screaming child, her eyes wide as they landed on Andi. “Hi, Rachel.”

“A-Andi, hi.”

Rather than continue what was sure to be an awkward conversation, Andi focused her attention back on the rows of ornaments to the left of her. She heard the woman Rachel was with whispering, felt her eyes on her, but Andi kept her focus and blocked it out.

“Hi.” The woman with Rachel said, turning around fully. “I’m Rachel’s best friend, Kelly.”

Andi forced a smile. “Hi. Nice to meet you.”

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