Page 40 of Study You

Chapter 14

“Why are we here?” Jan slid into a booth, looking around the bar. They’d somehow found themselves at The Corner, but Gillian had no idea why. Liar!

“It’s a new bar I came across. I like the vibe, and I hoped you would too.”

“I do. It’s lovely. It’s just a little bit out of the way, don’t you think?”

Gillian lifted a shoulder. She wasn’t particularly bothered about the cab price if it meant she could drink her wine in a place she enjoyed. Not only because of the vibe, as she had told Jan, but because of the clientele here.

Oh, it’s only one person in particular.

“We can go elsewhere if you want. I just felt like a change. I know we planned to drink at your place, but I’ve enjoyed getting out more recently.” Gillian eyed the bartender. Did she feel a hint of jealousy whenever she saw Morgan and Finn talking? Absolutely. Was she entitled to feel that way? No. No, she was not. It wasn’t something she’d anticipated when she started to drink in this bar, but the moment she’d stepped foot in here tonight, that pang of jealousy became quite apparent. Perhaps it was because Gillian knew she was treading a fine line. The lies she kept telling herself regarding Finn caught up with her when this kind of thing happened. Because if Gillian didn’t care about Finn and what they shared, she surely wouldn’t care about the bartender who often eyed Finn up.

“Hey,” Jan said, resting a hand over Gillian’s. “I like it here. Relax.”

“Good.”

“So…”

Gillian sipped her wine and crossed her legs, waiting for Jan to elaborate on that one word. She knew where the conversation was headed; she simply hadn’t expected it so soon. Perhaps it was better to get it over and done with now, though. Then they could enjoy themselves. “So, what?”

“Finn.”

Gillian nodded slowly. “Mm. Finn. Where to even start with all of that.”

“Wherever you want to start. As I said to you on the phone, I love and support you no matter what.”

“I know. And I love you for that.” Gillian had intended to walk into her new place today and allow the professional side of Finn to direct the conversation. Only as she came face to face with her student, that tool belt around her slender waist, all rational thoughts left her mind. If Finn had pressed her to the wall and put her hand up Gillian’s skirt, that would have been the perfect afternoon. She shifted as that image formed in her mind. None of this was healthy. Gillian felt as though she was permanently aroused lately. “I think I have some tough decisions to make.”

“What decisions? The decision to let Finn go?”

Sadness tugged in the pit of Gillian’s stomach at that. “It’s something I have to consider. I’ve not been entirely honest with you…or Finn. So, yes. I guess I have to make that choice.” That was all Gillian was willing to say, so she hoped it satisfied Jan.

“And you think that’s what you should do…for the best?”

Gillian eyed Jan, giving her a knowing look. “You don’t?”

“I think that life is short, you’re not really doing anything wrong, and you should enjoy whatever time you can with her.”

Jan was very good at putting Gillian at ease. Only lately, her heart and head were all over the place. She wanted to enjoy Finn so much, but the thought of hurting her…of not being enough should sparks continue to fly, it pained her to imagine such a thing. It wasn’t only her job she was worried about. It was her heart, too. Though, if she could be completely honest with herself, she was more concerned about her heart than her job lately.

“Tell me what you’re thinking, babe.”

“That I’ve gotten myself into quite a mess.” Gillian cast her eyes on the table and shook her head. “We spoke a couple of weeks ago. Finn has a tough time at home caring for her mother. She told me I was her escape. That being with me was her way of unwinding. While I love that she feels comfortable with me, I’m worried that things are so intense between us that one of us is likely to overstep.”

“She fucked you in your office before Christmas, Gill. I think you’ve already overstepped whatever line you’re trying to avoid.”

“I meant feelings. What we have right now is purely sex. Maybe even a friendship of some sort.”

Another lie. Gillian was feeling everything she shouldn’t. Still, if she was confident of anything, it was that she could lie her way through this entire thing. It was just sex, even if each thrust of Finn’s hips had her feeling something deeper.

“And you think that one day Finn is going to want more.” Jan nodded, but she was on the wrong path with her line of thinking.

“No. I’m worried that I’ll want more.”

“O-oh.” Jan’s eyes widened. “I see.”

“Look, it’s never going to happen. Not only because she’s my student, but it’s like you said at the beginning of all of this. I’m Finn’s fantasy. How many students out there dream about fucking their professor?” Gillian was careful to keep her voice low as she said that. They may have been away from campus, but that didn’t mean someone wouldn’t overhear. “I foolishly allowed that to happen, and now I don’t know how to get out of it. I enjoy her. God, I adore the time we spend together. I really do, but—”

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